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A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A polyandrist; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

Why I don’t let people in – a few words from a commitment phobic

There is no commitment phobic without a rejection junkie. Let’s start from there.

I can feel it. Them – multiple women in spirit – trying to push their way “into my heart”. I feel how they want to make me submit to them, to make me their own. They feel they have the right to push in, and that I am faulty for not letting them in. They are convinced that because I don’t let them in, I don’t let ANYONE in. They believe that when I show love to someone other than them I do it “to make them jealous”, but that I don’t really love these people. They think they, themselves, are the focal point of my behavior just as I am theirs.

Their ego doesn’t let them believe anything else. They are never wrong. They know relationships, I don’t. If you are either a man or a masculine thinker, they think they have the right to walk all over your heart and use it for their own benefit.

My situation

A little background. I am a heterosexual, sexually submissive polyandrist woman. This riles them up in a variety of ways. I say “no” to relationships with women, and gladly submit to men, but not them. You also need to know I am a psychic. I’ve spent the last 6 years in a continual conversation with people who I know in real life or who I know of in the real life, celebrities included, in a state that very much resembles a chronic psychosis. You can either stop reading here thinking I’m crazy, or take the opportunity to see into the wonders of the mind instead.

Rejection Junkie

The women who I refer to, not all women, thankfully, are, what I call rejection junkies. People who absolutely do not understand why anyone should be so bold as to not let them into their hearts and give them what they want. Their entire self-admiration relies on this, they fully believe they are the most capable people in winning other people over. When someone resists, they cannot tolerate it, but they insist this other person is flawed and MUST be broken into.

I love that song by Miley Cyrus, Wrecking Ball… It’s like the apology I’ll never hear from those women. But I also know that what will happen is… “All I wanted was to break your walls, All you ever did was break me, Yeah, you wreck me...” Because if you keep banging your head against a wall one will break… The wall or your head. And I swear it’ll be their heads that break before they’ll have me.

What I want is a deep love connection

This is not, at all, to say I am afraid of emotion, quite the opposite. VERY much the opposite. I am looking for such a deep love, someone so brave that they will let me close without me having to break them, and without them going crazy breaking me. There’s nothing to break for the right person. My heart is wide open. I love so many people, I am nothing but joy with the people who I truly love, and I don’t mind waiting. I don’t mind being rejected, my ego can take it… But when the wrong people, who I know cannot give me what I want and need emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and sexually, and who I know are there just to take advantage of me, why would I let them in?

What they want is not to love them, they want me to love them. They think they love me, but what they feel is an opportunity to get on the good side of someone powerful. They saw an opportunity rising as they saw who came into my spirit circle, my soulmates. They saw me becoming famous. They saw the men who loved me. Many of them simply want to use me to get to my men…

Apart from my mother, who wants me to admit that she wasn’t such a horrible mother but that the fault was all mine. She will let me be the moment she gets the confirmation that she wasn’t an awful mother, but she was. She was TERRIFYINGLY BAD at it… Emotionally speaking, and no way I will give her the peace of mind that she was a great mom, because she wasn’t. She needs to know, in her next incarnation, that she should not have children of her own because she cannot handle the emotions attached. She wants her child to worship her, and when they don’t, she goes mental.

The rejection junkie wants you to admit you’re no better than them

They want something from me, each and every one of them. One of them wants confirmation that she is such a super lesbian that she’ll turn any straight woman bi or gay for her. One of them wants a confirmation that she is such a loving and caring woman that she’ll make the coldest of hearts melt and she’ll be able to “heal” those in need.


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