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Sebastyne

The Lover Of Men, Kings, and Gods, The Patron Saint Of The Masculine. Also, other stuff.

Men have every right to feel unfairly attacked and judged

The line between "sexual misconduct" and what's OK seems to be "would I date him or not"

Lately, I’ve grown rather ashamed to be a woman. It’s not a new feeling, but the way women are now acting is ludicrous. Women tend to give out this impression that if they are not treated like teenaged girls by over-protective patriarchy, they are not happy. They are acting as though their delicate little world, their frail, innocent little child-like minds will explode at the idea that a man might want to have sex with them. Oh, shock and horror. Grown women are acting like children, and I am sick of it.

These women are expecting everyone’s sexuality to function on the a young lady and a gentleman about to be wed -spectrum. Since we no longer live in a class system, we will brush into awkward, unladylike situations at times. Time to face up to reality.

Teen girls need protection from filthy men, but grown women do not.

Now, I understand people being protective of their teen girls. Obviously, some boundaries have to be drawn, even though I am personally, not to contradict myself later, quite liberal minded in that area, as well. I believe some people are “born older” than others, but that’s not what this post is about.

Nonetheless, I understand that people want to protect minors from all harm. What I do not understand is that grown women are shocked to the point of sobbing over the fact that a man made a pass at them, or even engaged in sexual behavior with them. So shocked that they couldn’t utter out a word out of fear, so amazed that a red-blooded male would want to have sex with a beautiful girl, that they automatically take it as a threat of some description.

Men of our times have been taught, rightly, by feminists, to trust that women are mature and self-reliant enough to say no. Men have been taught, rightly, by feminists, that women should not feel ashamed of their sexuality, or their wish to have casual sex, let alone feel ashamed of themselves if a man makes a pass at them. Therefore, passes can happen when not invited.

Men should also feel free to expect that a woman does not feel “violated”, or their honor insulted by simply having been propositioned. It’s a free world we live in, last time I checked. Men had the freedom to be sexual, women did, too, now these rights are under attack for both genders alike, but particularly for men. Men are being stripped from their right to express sexual intrest of any description – zoo animals have more rights than that!

Matter of interpretation

Not only is there a massive attack on men who are largely NORMAL by their sexual expression, the men who haven’t yet been flagged of sexual harassment are probably worried that some of their actions in the past can be interpreted that way because the line is drawn very, very worryingly thin. Many men who I know worry about this are ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL individuals who should not have a worry in the world about stuff like this.

The line, the way it looks to me, seems to be the difference between a wanted pass and an unwanted pass. How is a man supposed to predict whether or not they are going to be rejected if they don’t have the right to ask? Also, what is sexual harassment to one woman, is a form of play to another.

We all listen to these women as if their attitude toward sex or men was normal

Do not mistake being a female for the same thing as “being normal” or “being together” or “having their shit together”. There are a lot of women out there, who simply DO NOT KNOW how to handle a slightly inappropriate situation with a man. Women who simply don’t have a relaxed attitude towards sex. When someone is simply insecure about everything sex related, it is impossible for them to react NORMALLY to a sexual pass. However, in all of these cases, the blame is sifted onto the man, not the woman who is acting abnormally nervously around a man. You can call this victim blaming all you want, but we still need to discuss some things like rational adults.

Currently, the discourse automatically gives women the right to judge. It gives the men 0 chance to defend themselves fairly. Men can do nothing but blatantly deny anything inappropriate happened only to be discovered later that SOMETHING happened without a closer analysis. We take these women’s stories at face value because “we don’t wish to traumatize them further by questioning them”. However, the man’s reputation is ruined, often completely needlessly and unfairly.

Teach young women how to handle themselves

I haven’t yet read one description of “harassment”, Weinstein included, that I couldn’t have handled myself at the age of 20. Sure, he’s a pig, but there are no laws against being a pig. I’m sure I’ve encountered worse in my time and not even notice.

If someone is afraid of being raped, then the combination of police and a phone should enter their mind before “oh boy, my career is in danger!” A kick to the groin is also one of those things. Some kind of RESOLVE. Women NEED TO have some level of self-respect that doesn’t come from the backs of normal men with a normal sex drive. It is OKAY to say FUCK NO, PISS OFF, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU FILTHY PIG OR I’LL CALL THE POLICE! Women need to know that. And girls need to have a strategy in place for situations where unwanted passes happen.

One of the first rules of conduct is this: Do not enter a room in which a male is not fully dressed without expecting a sexual pass to occur. If she does not know how to handle a situation turned sexual, they should have a husband, brother, or a father accompany them in all meetings with men like in the good old days. And no, the solution is not to stop everyone else from having normal or even adventurous interactions with the opposite gender! You need to know how to say you’re not that kind of a girl! If you cannot say it, you might as well be that kind of a girl and own it.

Where is the real line?

The line. If someone continues the attack after being threatened with the police: Line crossed. If someone says BLATANTLY CLEARLY “I am threatening you, if you do not have sex with me this instant, I will do such and such”. If a threat like that has been made, again there is that police thingy to contact, because the line has CLEARLY been crossed. If you have stated a CLEAR, assertive NO, and he still continues his assault, the line has been crossed. “I’m not comfortable” or “I don’t know…” doesn’t count for an assertive no from a grown, independent, self-reliant woman.

The line HAS NOT been crossed if you “felt uncomfortable” (grow a fucking pair) or you “felt threatened” (because all things male make you scared). It has also not been crossed if you “feared what he MIGHT BE PLANNING to do to your career” if you didn’t give it up. No clear threat, no case. A clear threat, you’ve got a case.

To put that shortly: “I will boost your career if you do this” is not the same as “I will ruin your career if you don’t do this”. Also: “If you don’t do this you’re screwed in this industry” may also simply mean “you have 0 talent and if I don’t help you, you’re done”.

As for the men not so deep in it yet…

If you read these stories, I wouldn’t be surprised if the thought had crossed your mind that when is one of your ex-girlfriends going to land a bomb on your career because you misread the signals. I have gone through my personal past with men and found SEVERAL occasions that fit the bill IF I’d put that interpretation into it. I  have NO INTENTION of doing so because not one of these men was threatening me. Here’s one example.

It is understandable if you feel nervous. If you are in the hot seat, as in in the businesses most affected by this now, do prepare for it by reading a few of my posts on the topic. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

To finish

I want to remind you all, that not all fabulous, rich, fantastic, mouth-watering sex is rom-com material. We are all adults and we NEED TO leave some space for different kinds of adults to live in this world. Not everything can be PG rated in the grown up world. I understand that you don’t want to be harrassed where you work, but often the only thing you need to do is to say ONE NO, and the passes stop. Give them the chance to stop at the first no before you raise an issue. That’s only fair.

 

 

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