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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A single polyandrist looking; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

The fact Kit Harington was bullied to “take it back” is an example of sexisim against men!

"I will be a good little hunk and shut up"

Kit HaringtonBefore we get to Kit Harington and his case, let me just start off with a personal example of what sexism against men.

According to my shrink, I am schizophrenic or have an acute psychosis. Both such reassuring, trust-inducing conditions! (My own view is that I am psychic but that is irrelevant in this context.)

I visit a certain support center every two weeks to “discuss my problems” caused by this condition. A fellow named Josh was handling my case for a while. After one of my appointments, I was having my usual jovial conversation with the rest of the crew, all female, as they’re all awesome fun to talk to.

I jokingly complained about not having seen Liesel for a while as she’d been too busy to take clients, and she laughed and said: “Yes but look at what we gave you instead, isn’t he just gorgeous?!” with the tone of voice that suggests she was picturing him naked (and, as a psychic, I picked up on a vibe that she was also picturing me and him having sex together, or maybe it was just me).

Now. Reverse the roles.

Let’s assume Josh is Joeline, about a 26-year-old employee at a special needs people’s office. I am a 41-year old schizophrenic middle-aged man. Liesel is Lee, a 55-year old male, the manager of the place. Also present is an about 35-year old male receptionist. Everything else matches (by my estimate) only the genders have been swapped. Would Joeline have appreciated being treated like office candy by a 55-year old boss that openly discusses and jokes about her sexy looks with a 41-year old schizophrenic male? Wouldn’t that be unnerving, especially if she knew their client was also a sex blogger.

I didn’t even notice when I took part

What is worse, I was so wrapped up in the harmless banter, that even though I consider myself a men’s rights advocate, I slipped out a delighted agreement, that he was “adorable” or some such thing. It is so commonplace to discuss men in this manner that I didn’t realize I was doing it too. Women sexualize men, and expect them to be freaking delighted and flattered about being sexually objectified by ANY woman of any age. It absolutely was not my place to openly sexualize my case manager. It was certainly NOT okay for his boss to talk about him like she had been his pimp.

He didn’t react, he went on about his business as if he didn’t notice it, but he certainly heard us. This entire conversation was trivializing his position and making him not only a sexual object but also “the cute baby” of the office. “The cute sexy little thing”, if you catch my meaning. Absolutely NOT ok at a workplace. Maybe at a garden party that could have been excused by a harmless old aunt, but not at his place of work.

Kit Harington WAS NOT exaggerating

Women say all the time that it is not about what was done exactly, but how it made them feel. There is no difference here. If a man is being made to “strip off” to be cast into a role that requires or doesn’t require nudity, that is no more cool than when it’s done to women. Tones of voices, attitudes, all of those things also make a huge difference.

The fact that Kit Harington has been seen in a couple of nude or near-nude scenes in Game of Thrones doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a say in how he is treated elsewhere. This does not make him a hypocrite any more than a woman who has slept with someone else if she “complains” about having been raped by another. Also, the fact that someone else has it worse than him is not a valid point to make. We should aim to make everyone feel happy and respected, rather than just focus on the worst of the worst.

The rape defense

Any claims that women have to fear rape more than men is also not true. Men are not allowed to physically defend themselves anymore. If a woman had decided to touch him inappropriately in that situation, he couldn’t have done much to protect himself. Had he refused her touches, she could have claimed he’s not a professional, if he had physically resisted, she could have claimed physical assault. Also, a woman’s word carries more weight these days than that of a man, if she would have decided he’s not going to be working in the industry anymore… No more Kit Harington.

The way things are presented makes a difference

Kit Harington doesn’t mention which roles he was reading for when asked to strip down. His critics may point out that if Harington is ready to strip for Game of Thrones, he shouldn’t object to such requests elsewhere. However, if women were facing sexism, this argument wouldn’t fly for a second.

How the casting call is worded makes a huge difference to how inappropriate this request to strip down would have been. If the request to strip down comes out of the blue it’s massively different to walking to a casting call knowing the script contains nudity and sex scenes. As I mentioned, the tone of voice and the general behavior of the people present can be a cause of distress.

Women also seem to have very low level of consideration when they make comments about the size of a man’s genitalia one way or the other. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had heard a few inappropriate comments about his size, “all in the name of little harmless fun.”

Acting professional vs. taking revenge on men

Also, it is an absolute fact that it is possible for a group of professionals in certain situations to get butt naked together and to not feel an ounce objectified. When everyone is acting professionally, respecting one another everything is fine.

However, you can sense someone taking sexual delight in the power of ordering someone to take their clothes off. Women who think the sexual power balance has been favoring men for too long can think objectifying and humiliating men like Kit Harington is just payback for years of women suffering the same. This kind of thinking is absolutely NOT ACCEPTABLE. Kit Harington, at least in his current incarnation, wasn’t there. He is not responsible for whatever happened to women in the 70’s. The man wasn’t born yet!

If someone is feeling objectified or unnerved about such a situation, it’s usually because SOMEONE is giving out a very unprofessional vibe around the place.

Trust me, men, Kit Harington included, are not emotionally bulletproof, either.

The biggest problem with sexism against men is that people assume men should tolerate any amount of emotional abuse without blinking. Sexualising, objectifying, humiliating, and trivializing male opinions, experiences, and feelings is emotional abuse. So are remarks like “women always know best” “women are better at relationships than men” and “he doesn’t know because he’s a man”. All of those kinds of remarks trivialize men and make them feel as though they didn’t know their own mind.

In Victorian times, women were thought to be unable to control their emotions, unable to know their own mind, and unable to handle their relationships. Didn’t we learn a thing?

This creates the very men you all hate, closed up, bottled up, insecure, sexually uptight and cautious, so forth and so forth. If a person doesn’t have the right to feel and express the feelings that they feel or act on them, what do you have? That should be a basic human right, but it is systematically denied men, and increasingly from male children as they age.

Kit Harington may have not been thinking about these things too much when he made his remark. This made him unprepared for the backlash, but I, however, have been thinking about these things a bit.

Kit Harington promises to “be a good little hunk” and shut up

At least Kit Harington got that little point in there. I absolutely fucking HATE it that he would have to swallow his words over what some outraged feminists are saying. EVEN IF it was “worse on women” by some obscure reason, why does it have to be irrelevant in the case of men?

I am not sure women truly understand male feelings, and how truly beautiful people they are. This enables a lot of women to be absolutely heartless and cruel towards men. People once claimed animals do not have feelings and that blacks are not real human beings. Now women are now reassuring themselves that “men are not the same”. Simply denying men’s right to complain about how they feel about things is abusive towards men. This does need to stop along with everything else that is simply blatantly insensitive towards male feelings.

However, snowflakes

I also support individualist anarchy and personal responsibility and more relaxed attitudes about sexuality. I often challenge what should be considered sexual harassment and therefore I do not wish to contradict myself. For this reason, I also bring up the following:

I do not wish to victimize people and make everyone feel all over-sensitive about everything potentially offensive. That is a stressful way to live and causes more issues than what it solves.

Women have already been over-sensitized to partially imagined discrimination “just in case”. At the same time, the vast majority of men have been made feel over-careful about what is OK and what is not.

In sexual relationships, I feel like I should sign a 3-page written permission sheet for vanilla sex just to calm a man’s nerves! While other women feel marginally better about men, the sexually submissive women are suffering over men getting too cautious to truly express themselves sexually.

Nobody should be told how they just felt

A general rule of thumb should be this: If you are NOT SURE if you have been offended or violated, you probably haven’t. If you found something flattering, humorous, or somehow pleasurable, it was probably a good thing, right? However, if you FEEL weird, uncomfortable, offended, violated, abused, disrespected etc. etc… You have been. NOBODY needs to be told when they are feeling bad about something. Nobody has the right to tell another person what they “should have felt” in order to be an OK individual.

This also goes the other way around. Another woman’s harassment is another woman’s flirt, unfortunately, and luckily. The men who are an abomination to one woman, are simply a turn on for another. Realistically, the same is true for men.

There is someone for everyone, I believe, but somehow, we need to manage this current situation before we learn.

Flower hat bullying should remain under control

I do not wish to further the flower hat bullying practices, either. This is a term I coined to refer to people who control other people and their behavior by being offended by every small thing they can invent an issue with. An example of this would be to bring up a little known or non-existent issue as a major dramatic point: “Didn’t you KNOW us Pink Fairies have feelings and that we have rights!” “Pink Fairies?” “What, YOU DON’T KNOW?! You insensitive prick!” Flower hat bullying is done to elevate self-importance and to manipulate other people’s feelings under the guise of victimhood.

So there are limits to how far sensitivity and allowing people get offended should be allowed to go. We cannot run a society on the assumption you can complain about everything and anything and be taken seriously. There are certain things that are a MINOR issue, and then there are things that have actual, serious, and far-reaching consequences. These issues include systematically ignoring men’s opinions and feelings, simply because “they should not be pussies about it”.

Lastly: Should we feel ashamed for feeling objectified or harassed?

Just throwing this question here. Isn’t a part of the problem that we feel ashamed for feeling objectified or harassed? We feel like we should be cool with everything, and if someone made us feel something negative, we feel embarrassed. I claim the fear of embarrassment is our number one fear. So… Although I call more sensitivity towards all people… Maybe there are different personal approaches that reduce the power of abusers when it occurs.

More

Read the Sydney Morning Herald article on Kit Harrington being made to shut the f*** up about his feelings.

Read more of my views on sexism and gender bias against men

Read More
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