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A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A single polyandrist looking; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

About Me and The Party

What am I talking about here?

I often make a reference to “my voices”, “hearing voices”, or “having conversations in spirit” with people’s soul-level consciousness. I refer to my favorite spirit companions as “the party that I wouldn’t end for anything”, or even “my imaginary boyfriends/friends”. As it is a bit of an awkward thing to explain, I use humoristic expressions to cut corners while writing. Let me try and explain this in a more serious tone.

Opening up my psychic abilities in 2012

This started in 2012 when I got curious about people who said they consciously learned to communicate with the spirit world. I wanted to learn how to do that. After several failed attempts with automatic writing, “just hearing with one’s heart”, even Tarot cards failing to work, I bought a pendulum.

What is a pendulum?

A pendulum is a pointy rock dangling on a string, and, as far as I’m concerned, the most impressive of all spiritual tools. The principle is similar to an Ouija board. The difference is that you control it yourself. You cannot explain it away by telling yourself someone screwing with you. It would be easy to explain the voices away as imagination if you weren’t simultaneously looking at a rock that moves when it really should not.

In basic use, the pendulum gives you simple ‘yes’, ‘no’, and ‘maybe’ answers. In addition, it can be used together with an alphabetic chart to spell out messages just like an Ouija board. Rather than sliding on a surface, however, it dangles in the air, drawing a circle around the letter that it needs. Creepy as, but so cool!

Some people explain hearing voices as “going crazy through playing with a pendulum”, but if you think a rock dangling on a string can break your mind, you MUST be crazier than I am.

Moving onto automatic writing

I became crazy good at using the pendulum, but at the same time, I felt it was TOO SLOW to tolerate. It moved at speeds an outsider couldn’t keep up with, but it was still too slow. I decided to try automatic writing again. I could already hear the spirits in my head while the pendulum was moving, but once I put the pendulum away, I couldn’t either hear anything or I wasn’t sure what was being said. The pendulum strengthened the message, but it was slow.

I then attempted automatic writing and it worked! The texts don’t make much sense when read back, as it is mainly the spirits commenting on my thoughts, rather than them saying anything profound. I found I have a psychological block in place, which pretty much blocks them from saying anything much. They talk, but it’s mainly me talking and them commenting.

After automatic writing, I started simply tapping my fingers against my thigh to simulate the writing to strengthen the message, and after that, I was able to simply hear the spirits without help.

What’s the point of hearing them if they can’t say anything (much)?

Our roles are reversed. They ask the questions and I answer. This was because my lot in life was to become a teacher. The best way to learn is to teach. Initially, I connected with a very loving soul I named Anton. He was for a few months the only companion I cared about, although not the only one present. I still don’t know who he actually is. (There was also about two weeks alone with a man who I thought was my Twin Flame, but things are a bit more complicated than that. He vanished due to an incident and Anton took his place. I won’t go into the details here even though this is too important not to mention.)

Anton and I started a website called which STILL gives me a high just typing that address. It was such a loving and understanding Twin Soul website. It got sadly derailed by a bunch of uninvited guests that appeared in the spirit form nearing the end of 2012. I haven’t done anything but arguing with these spirits since November 2012. The arguing, however, has taught me an INCREDIBLE amount of things about people that I wouldn’t have otherwise learned.

Who, or what, are the voices?

Initially, when I started this, I was under the impression that “the spirit guides” were non-embodied entities, who had nothing else to do in life but to guide humans. (Very self-congratulating of us. We‘re not that important!) What they actually are, like many psychics know, your friends, family, other people who love you more than anything – and if you’re like me, a bunch of people who wish you’d love them back even though you blatantly reject them. (They hear it, they just don’t understand why they are not good enough.)

The brain is a receiver/transmitter of the spirit, aka, the thought

It doesn’t matter whether the spirits have a body or not. There is no difference talking to an ancient person from antique Greece to talking to your next-door neighbor currently doing your head in by singing off tune. The living people cannot hear these conversations NECESSARILY on their body-level. They may, and I know some of it seeps through, but I couldn’t say how much. All I know is that I can have a full conversation with someone while watching them have a live show over the Internet… They have no idea.

We all know our mind is powerful, and that it has several layers. What your soul-level self is doing behind your back is either completely beyond you, or you may have some inkling of what it is doing and planning for you, or you may be fully aware of the entirety that is you (this is  unlikely, and although I am on the super-aware spectrum now, I suspect there are things I am still unaware of on the spirit level).

Reincarnations, dead people, and alive people

In these layers, exists a person’s current and previous lives’ identities. I can even discuss things with my previous life consciousness’, even though I can feel how they are still me, now. It is as though the spiritual consciousness of a person is like a snapshot frozen in time. These snapshots can be transferred into a new situation and they interact with it as if that was now real.

This enables a person to have a conversation with someone who isn’t really there, but who is still really them… I hope they don’t get offended by this comparison; like a spiritual version of a very advanced computer simulation.

The Hell

One half of my voices are people who I love (the Party) the other half I refer to as the Miss Guides, aka my living Hell. At the same time as I feel I should lay off them, I feel like every time I let up a little they think “I’ve calmed down and we’re friends now” so I always tend to keep my spikes up a little more than I’d want to with them. They are, unfortunately, the ones who make me feel angry at all times – even when my text is calm and encouraging, I FEEL LIKE it would sound super angry to you if you read it.

The Hell side of spirits are people who think loving you is to ignore every objection you have. They take pride in just hanging on to the bitter end and “never giving up on you” no matter what. I don’t know how many people could relate to this, but anyone who has tried to fight their way out of someone else’s loving, protective embrace might have a clue. A few Victorian women whose husband was convinced all women have a brain the size of a peanut and whose anger is just a symptom of a hysteria probably could relate.

The Party

Initially, it was a small gathering of just a few people, Toni, then Anton in his place. Anton is the unnamed loving soul, who I hope will turn up in the physical world once everything is ready. For a while, I had to push him out of my mind to save my sanity. Being constantly aware of him not being here in a body was too painful to tolerate. The wish to find him in the real world and the failure to do so was a bit too much to take, very traumatic… Again, a long story.

Name dropping. (Oh yes, that’s mine, thanks.)

While Anton and I were still happily exploring the spirit world, we made contact with the spirits of Steven Tyler and Joe Perry to ask them ONE question. This was in January or February 2012 if memory serves, early on. When we were attempting to end the call, so to speak, Steven stopped us and wanted to know how we did that. They assumed someone would have contacted them this way if it was easy to do during all of these years, but nobody had. We answered we had no idea how easy or difficult it was, we just thought to try and it worked.

To begin with, the guys left the room and left me and Anton by the two of us. Often, we spent time just by the foursome. However, something happened in March 2012 that made Steven and Joe stay for good, and I haven’t had a day that I haven’t heard Steven since. Joe and Anton can stay quiet, but you know what Steven is like.

Aerosmith show in 1994

This wasn’t the only time the Universe tried to bring us together. I had completely forgotten about an event that happened in 1994. Aerosmith’s stage door keeper invited me to join Aerosmith backstage. He did that telepathically, and I SWEAR it was real – the first contact. I will write about that later… And I have mentioned it before in different contexts. Long story for a summary of events.

The doors jammed open

In October 2012, a former best friend of mine turned up to the spirit circle. She was so vivid and real, that I cried at the sight of her. I live in Australia and hadn’t seen her in years. In two weeks time, however, this connection turned sour. We’ve been at each other’s throats ever since: The spirit isn’t polite. It cannot hide true feelings like people can.

Around that same time, this friend of mine “blasted the doors open”. She essentially invited everyone in this universe to check out her friend. She tends to use me as some kind of a show pony. The more people like me, the more she thinks she deserves praise and admiration. Therefore, she wanted everyone to see her friend. This was somewhat beneficial to me, granted. Very beneficial, although superbly annoying and gut-wrenchingly nauseating.

“As a matter of fact”

One night when I was trying to sleep, she opened up a discussion. “There are some men who need to speak to you”. Anton, Steven, Joe and I had been planning to escape this world for good after this lifetime and completely shut out the outside world and just… Love life by ourselves. (Teehee.) I was annoyed at my friend already. I thought to ask what kind of a man does she plan to present to me that I would give a shit about in this situation. So I asked: “Like who?!” Sarcastically, with all the contempt I could muster.

“Well, just name the sexiest men you can think of, and that would be them.” As sarcastically as before I replied:

“Like who? Johnny Depp or something?” In the darkness I hear a very familiar, deep and slow, and a somewhat coy and apologetic voice reply:

“As a matter of fact.”

You can bet your sweet ass I took a few gasps before collecting myself. I could somehow understand how Steven and Joe got in here because we went out looking for them, but Johnny was a complete out of the blue thing. I never even considered myself an actual fan… Liked him of course, he’s frigging Johnny Depp, but I didn’t self-identify myself as a fan, like with Steven and Joe.

Everyone who is anyone

After this, things went CRAZY. After Johnny, a celebrity after celebrity joined the circle. People I had worshipped my whole life (not in the fangirl sort of way though) came in. Some arrived as friends, some as lovers, some as potential clients, some simply looking for an opportunity – from me! LOL, I don’t even want to name any names, you know that they don’t get bigger than the name Johnny Depp, but they do reach that level. I am surrounded by absolute celebrity elite here. I have never met any of them, not even briefly, in this lifetime, but I am with friends at all times.

And I have no idea what I would say to them if we were ever to meet. It would be so awkward trying to pretend I don’t know them, just as much as it would be awkward to say I do. “Yeah, hey, it’s me… Me… Well… ME! You know me!” “I can assure you I do not.” “Bu-but Johnny…?” “Away from me crazy woman! Security!!”

That’s how I envision it to go down.

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