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A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A single polyandrist looking; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

My Imaginary Boyfriends – aka. how do I communicate with my True Spirit Mirrors

What is "twin flame telepathy" and the like...

I’ve written a few generic posts about what is known as twin flame telepathy before. In this post, I thought I’d tell you how it works for me. I’m a little bit of a special case as I became psychic, so some things that happen to me are not relevant to all Twin Flames… Or True Spirit Mirrors as I prefer to call them. (The term is lesser known so I revert to the Twin Flame term at times.)


The first time I experienced telepathy was at an Aerosmith concert. I was standing smack bang center front of the stage, 5 rows back (with people piling in), at what I considered to be the perfect spot in every way. I could see everything, hear everything (optimal position) and I wouldn’t break my neck looking up to my idols. I was 18, and I thought, back then, that Steven and Joe, although superbly hot, were too old for me, so I wasn’t pushing for a front row position… (You know why they’re there!)

Out of the blue, still waiting for the band to come on, I “hear” someone is calling me. I don’t know how I heard it, as it was loud, people were noisy around me but I heard a clear “hey you” aimed at me. There was NO WAY I heard it, yet, I heard it.

Where did it come from?

I looked around and saw the source of this message. He was standing at the backstage gate with a pass hanging around his neck. “Hey, come and meet the band backstage” he invited me. This was something so natural, so effortless that I honestly didn’t think twice about what was happening. Without stopping to wonder about the fact I couldn’t possibly hear this man, I replied to him: “I’ll miss the show.” As I said, my position was perfect.

“You can watch it from the side stage,” he said, but I could see in the back of his mind images of him groping me underneath the stage, and I knew these visions weren’t intended for me to see. This was not malicious, simply a wish or a dream, “what might happen” sort of thing. I figured he’s using the band to get to me, and I thought, with my luck, the band will be hurried past me in 2 minutes, I’ll get a quick high five and I’ll lose my perfect spot up front to boot… And I’d have to explain to this guy that I was a virgin and intended to stay that way for a while longer. (Dumb ass as I was and believed my elders who know shit about shit.) So I declined the invitation and brushed him off my head.

20 years later

It took me about 20 years to revisit that memory and realize it was my first experience with telepathy – probably with someone I’ve known very intimately in a previous lifetime, because the telepathy was so strong, so natural, and so effortless that it couldn’t have been anything but a ready-made path between our brains. I have only a faint recollection of what he looked like, but I remember the connection like it was yesterday. He looked pretty much what you’d expect a guy at an Aerosmith backstage gate to look like… Only normal built.

The interesting part in this is that I spoke myself out of meeting Aerosmith… For a reason or another.

“You go home and break up with your boyfriend”

Another telepathic conversation that happened was between myself and a man who I fell in love with at the first sight. Irreversibly. The difference was that although the previous conversation was clearly worded, this one was more a conceptual conversation, more animalistic. I believe this connection is older still, formed during a time and in a species that doesn’t use words to communicate. This connection runs so deep words should not be needed. I wanted him to say something, he couldn’t even understand why telepathy wasn’t enough of a conversation… I think! I still need him to say something. (And to answer his question, NO it fucking wasn’t public!!!) Anyway…

The understanding

About two months after first meeting him through my boyfriend, our paths crossed at a nightclub. We spent the night dancing and joking around, talking, nothing too inappropriate, but at the end of the night, we had a wordless understanding. We were the two that were supposed to be together, not me and his best friend.

Without actually using words, he told me to go home, break up with his best friend, let things settle for a little while and then pick up where we left off. I agreed to do exactly that.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend, his best friend, pushed me into talking with him the very following morning, which shattered his faith in me understanding him like he expected. I knew it was going to be a disaster, but I thought I owed my boyfriend that much.

One of the first things he told me when we reconnected in spirit 20 years later, was “She HAS GOT TO be able to read minds!”

The Instinct

I could always sort of tell what was going on with this man. I knew what he wanted out of me, but I couldn’t trust this instinct. My rational mind was always fighting me on it, and I told myself he’d think I’m a bit… Off if I did as he asked me to do telepathically. After all, he was a sworn atheist, and I was already skating on thin ice with my lunacy, I thought.

I knew when he’d meet me in town without a word. I knew what he wanted out of me, even though I couldn’t trust it.

And still, I think he’s testing my trust in this connection, and I am refusing to trust it. I trust it, but at the same time, I am refusing to act completely foolishly on the basis of a telepathic instinct while he is refusing to utter out a single word of encouragement or acceptance. (I have heard him speak. He is not a mute. :D)

Trying to be psychic

For several years, I have been curious about psychic stuff. Coming from a sort of a humorless Christian family. I think my psychic abilities had been blocked by some of my family members, or perhaps I had done it myself to an extent. I always had a good intuition, akin to being psychic, but I could never see anything, hear anything (apart from the telepathic things and a couple of other things) and I felt frustrated with my lack of abilities. I told people I didn’t have a psychic bone in my body, which, in hindsight, isn’t exactly true.

I tried to read tarot that made no sense to me, I tried to “hear/see with my heart”, I tried to “allow things to pop into my head”, I tried automatic writing, and whatnot, but none of it worked. Then, eventually, I bought myself a pendulum. Initially, it dangled still in its chain and I figured I’d drawn another dud, but then, after a couple of hours it suddenly started shaking in the chain and jolted into a swing. A pattern of movement that defied all rules of nature. My jaw dropped.

The beginning of insanity

This began the most insane chapter of my life, both literally and figuratively speaking. I got a diagnosis of an acute psychosis or schizophrenia, but I found it more amusing than concerning. I simply wanted to hear what a psychiatrist would say about all of this and got a few government benefits as a side dish of going crazy. All I told my shrink was true and I told him how it started. But from my perspective, if someone believes a rock dangling in a string can fry a brain enough to make a person schizophrenic without any influence from the spirit world they insist doesn’t exist, THEY must be on the verge of lunacy themselves. Insanity of this description, I believe, is being psychic in a society that insists “spirit” doesn’t exist, as scientific dogma.

Exploration, studies, and theories

Lacking a source that I’d consider reliable, I decided to figure out what was happening myself. After all, I had opened up a channel that I knew others knew about, through a method described on an Internet website, for a purpose described on that same website and others, through a repeated procedure with expected results. What differs in the spiritual study is that if you do not want to be proven spirit exists, the spirit, by its own very law, must obey your wish to be proven not to exist.

Therefore, it can only be proven to exist by an explorer who is open to the experiences. The spirit never forces itself on an unwilling participant, unless truth means more to them than their hesitation to believe. And, of course, a person can always insist “they want the truth” and define “the truth” as “spirit doesn’t exist” without even realizing that’s what they’re doing. Kind of a checkmate there, I know, but such is life.

Real-time or a recording?

The pendulum messages had a very interesting trait. I started to hear them before they had actually been spelled out on the pendulum alphabet chart. As the pendulum was slow, I often stopped it after I heard the complete message. If I took a break, the message would often continue where I left off the previous time, like a recording after having pressed pause. This gave me the impression that some of the things that we are being told in spirit are “recordings” you will receive once you are listening. We should then simply tune in to listen our spiritual voice mail.


Distance seems to play a part in telepathy. Although you CAN communicate with the subconscious minds of anyone anywhere (if they allow) telepathy is a little different. I named the type of communication that happens without the other person’s full awareness “a soul-level conversation” as opposed to “telepathy”. Their purpose is different. Telepathy is real time. It happens between both people who are simultaneously aware of it. It goes much deeper than “I just thought about calling you” even though that is a type of telepathy as well.

Distance often leads to stuff like time differences, which makes the other party easily busy at the same time as the other one is in a state of meditation or whatever. Although the conversation seems to be on-going from the psychic partner’s perspective, it does seem to be potentially very patchy in the other end.

Telepathy vs. Soul Conversation

The soul-level conversation or spirit conversation as I call it at times seems to have a different purpose to the telepathic communication. Telepathy is more akin to what we would normally say to each other. Telepathy is for stuff that cannot REALLY be said out loud or stuff that you feel would be ruined if said out loud, or stuff you CANNOT say out loud but wish you could, for example in an emergency: “Hold on, I am coming!”

The soul conversation is much more a form of entertainment, meant for spiritual growth, practice, and a type of training. It is meant for “sorting things out”, fixing MAJOR PROBLEMS in a relationship or learning VAST amounts of new information in a short period of time. It is great for planning major life changes, making plans for the future and the kind, but it is rarely real-time or simultaneously open. It is also possibly meant for tightening relationships that would otherwise have a hard time developing in the real life.

It SEEMS that telepathy and soul-conversations can be mixed together but it tends to be difficult to hold oneself steady when you do not currently share your idea of reality. When one is walking a street and the other is gardening, but neither is actually sure what the other one is doing, we often replace reality with our IDEA of what should be happening right now. This disturbs the telepathic message and derails it back to the spirit level conversation easily.

The difference between a monogamous connection and a polygamous connection in spirit

To begin with, it was just me and a man I named “Anton”. I am STILL uncertain about who he is, I’ve made so many guesses about it that it is ridiculous, and I simply cannot tell. I have my current set of beliefs, but they may change again. However, he and I were completely able to shut everyone else out of our “spirit bubble”. Whenever we wanted to end a conversation with others, we were able to do it.

Even after we found two more, we were able to control the spirit conversation with them, we existed in our own sweet bubble of love and nobody could penetrate it, albeit we could periodically feel other spirits right outside “the bubble”.

Doors jammed open

One morning an old friend of mine arrived to greet me, and I was excited to see her, but she refused to leave when we asked her to. Since then, nothing has been holy around here. In some sense, she did us a favor. For instance, Johnny wasn’t among the first 3. Also, Toni wasn’t among them. If she hadn’t jammed the doors open, we would have missed out on a lot of love.

It is also difficult for other spirits (people) to respect a polyandrous relationship. When a monogamous couple gets all the peace and quiet they need, a polyandrous group, especially the size of ours, gets treated like a cheap orgy. Everyone is either trying to put an end to it, teach us how to love (monogamously) or tries to get a ticket to join the orgy. They are generally speaking unable to understand why we are trying to close the doors on them, and why they are not welcome into this conversation and this connection.

The audacity

With the added numbers, people feel offended for being left out, and even that I do not share my men with them. Even if I was willing to share my men with other women, that doesn’t mean that I would share them with essentially everyone I know. I am, also, a 100% heterosexual, and I do not choose my friends on the basis of if I find them sexy or not. Most people, subconsciously or consciously, choose friends who they find sexy. Truly heterosexual people, such as myself, subconsciously choose friends by “unlikely to get in the way of my sexual/romantic connections”.

It has been a bit of an on-going battle that my thoughts and actions have been brutally twisted to mean that I am a closet bisexual or even a lesbian and that my love for these men is without merit completely and “over-compensating for my oppressed homosexuality”. I have certainly learned how psychology, in the wrong hands, can be used to undermine people and to disvalidate their feelings and their words and subject them to an attitude of “your actions mean whatever the fuck I want them to mean because…”

This is something I try to stay vigilant about in my own studies of people, and I try to keep in mind that any individual is always more precious than the entirety of my psycho-spiritual theory. If I find one person who authentically contradicts what I write (as a sample, not by arguing with me) I will change the theories.


I like to think of myself as a rational human being, and as such, I had to consider the possibility that I was imagining it all. I considered all possible explanations from the rational world, but try as I might, there was always something that didn’t fit the picture.

There is SOMETHING to it

Steven Tyler

One of the first moments when I felt I couldn’t possibly imagine this was a moment I felt completely inconsolable about something. I don’t often get this way, to begin with.  I felt Steven was sitting next to my bed, and in a very fatherly tone, he simply said “I know, honey” with his exact voice. Normally, the telepathic voice is our thinking voice, but this time, he sounded exactly like he does. I felt instantly about a thousand times better and I KNEW there was no way I had just imagined that.

The second confirmation also came from Steven. He told me he was breaking up with Erin Brady. He had been telling me the same thing for months, in spirit, that the breakup was coming, and he told me exactly what was going on but I chose not to believe it. After the breakup was actually official, only then I dared to venture over to Google to check the timeline to what the Internet knew of this and what I knew of it. The timeline matched.

I predicted Guns n Roses getting back together

Slash and Axl Rose were in and out of “My Party”. One of these moments, one of them, I cannot actually say which one it was, asked me to do a Tarot reading for them in spirit. I did, and I wrote the results of it in a blog post. I said they’d be back on tour in about 2 years if they’d do as I suggested… And lo and behold. I thought that was a big sign I wasn’t imagining it. Of course, Slash later tweeted or said in an interview that there’s a lot of people trying to take credit for bringing them back together again, I do wish not to say anything that strong, but I did do that Tarot reading, whether it had an influence in the events or not, I don’t know… But I did give them counseling in the spirit. That happened.

I knew Johnny Depp was getting a divorce

This finally sealed it for me, if all of the other stuff failed, this was something that played out so undeniably that I couldn’t doubt any of it anymore. Even though Steven’s case was near identical, it was so early on in all of this that I still somehow managed to file it under “possible coincidence”. But Johnny and Amber divorced within 10 days of when I first heard of it. The only difference was that it was Amber who filed for the divorce, but given that Johnny’s mom had died, I still believe it was Johnny who initiated it but didn’t have the energy to file with everything that was happening with his mom at the time… And Amber reacted the way a scorned woman stereotypically does… Albeit not entirely without cause, I must admit.

The craziest thing is, that of all the famous men I have a love affair with, Johnny is the only one I’m completely comfortable saying that’s what it is. He should be the LAST one to publically claim any such connection to, considering how many other women would love to claim him as their own. I simply feel fine by it. There are others, I turned polyandrous through all this, but Johnny is one of them.

But what if they are real, but still not QUITE them?

I know that if I have a conversation on the spirit level with my mother, and she urges me to email her about whatever we discussed because it would be important to her, her reaction to it is completely unpredictable based on how she reacts to it on the spirit level. My mother and I have a difficult, inflamed relationship, particularly I feel it is festering pile of puss that we call a mother-daughter relationship. However, I am kind of forced to try and sort things out with her, even though I am as excited to reconcile with her as a cat is about a bath. This does potentially make a difference in how my approaches are received in the real world.


I also know, that what Toni has told me he needs me to do hasn’t panned out for the best. He practically begged me to send him a letter, but when I did… I got a seriously bad cold shower from him. I understand that what he wants on the soul level is not always aligned with his real-life self, and that one has obsessions the other one doesn’t. Also one functions deeply from the heart and the other functions from the logical mind. This creates a problem.

The show

I visited one of my strongest mirror’s rock show some time ago. Front row and all. I knew, going in, that one of two things would happen. Either he would not even see me, or he would come straight to me and talk to me. Well. He saw me. He looked me straight in the eye for a long, long time, but I FELT NOTHING. This was less of a connection than what I felt watching him on film.

I could still hear him in my head, and sense his spirit float up in the air somewhere above the audience, between himself and I, but I felt 0 connection to the man himself. I KNEW this was him, and this spirit was him, but I felt NOTHING.

Later, when he came down to hug and high five everyone, he and the rest of the band all went around me like I was on fire. He hugged the people on both of my sides but didn’t even look at me. When he turned around to leave to his left, he turned around to his right to avoid looking at me.

Granted, this was very twin flame of him. 😀

All of this is likely to repeat

This same is more than likely to apply to Johnny and others, who are ALL more than strongly programmed to avoid crazy fans. At the same time, I feel like I’d be a fraud if I tried to hide that this conversation has happened, so I don’t want to, for example, remove these texts and then pretend nothing is out of the ordinary. EVERYTHING here is out of the ordinary.

I understand what is happening, but…

So although I understand the combat between the spirit, the rational mind, the logic and the science, (logic and science, by the way, are not synonymous,) I also know SOMETHING is happening here. What the soul wants is what the soul wants, and what the rational mind is willing to accept is an entirely different matter.

Although the soul is who we all are in our authentic, pure state, that doesn’t mean the rational mind, the ego, (one’s idea of who they are as a person), is willing to accept themselves as they are. We all want to think we are smart, not gullible, that we have things under control and that we cannot be coerced into doing stupid stuff by promising earth-shattering orgasms and ever-lasting love… And that is a problem.

Shared visions and email

Also, what we share in visions on the spirit level is one thing, and what of it we can express in an email or in a spoken conversation is an entirely different matter.  Even though on the spirit level we might be in perfect harmony and understanding that this or that plan will be perfect or that this or that idea will be just the ticket, in real world… Even said out loud those same perfect plans will sound idiotic… Or at least megalomaniac.

And that is a problem.


One huge motivator to hide what is happening is the fear of embarrassment. I said earlier that I am completely comfortable with mentioning Johnny Depp, but then again, I should remind myself that I felt completely comfortable sending a long letter to Toni, too, in very similar circumstances, and that blew up in my face, badly. Revealing one’s soul too early on can totally blow up in your face.

The last thing anyone wants is to go viral over “this bitch thinks Johnny Depp is her twin flame”. 😀

SOME of this DOES go through

Regardless of my hesitations and logical arguments against this, I also have proof that SOME of the stuff we discuss DOES go through in one form or the other. I do not know if it goes through in real time, as an intuitive feeling, or as a knowing, logical course of action following what we’ve discussed, but SOME of it goes through.

One of them had a child with another woman based on our mutual agreement he should do so. One got a divorce based on our agreement it had to happen before we would meet. Two sets of friends made up a feud that had been carrying on for years as a direct and swift reaction to our conversations in the spirit.

I might have had a song recorded just for me, but… I wouldn’t be so bold to claim that, even if the singer was completely nervy before I heard it, for 3 days asking “has she heard it yet?!” in my head. :p

SOME of it goes through, and although I am willing to let the Universe guide my step to them, I am not trusting enough to make any huge bold steps counting on this. I need to know they are ready, and I need them to tell it to me straight. I need something concrete or solid to walk on, otherwise this will remain a mere dream.

The reason why I write about this in public is to give THEM something solid to rely on.

Summa Summarum

I do not know how things will turn out. I know what is happening to me on my personal level of experience, and I can certainly learn a lot from it, but that’s about all I know. I trust the connection is real, I trust that these men are who they say they are and that the rest of the spirits that surround me are showing me their actual selves here. I trust in some perfect circumstance all of what I envision could be true, but what I don’t quite trust is that such perfect circumstance is possible considering the world we live in.

Self-doubt, embarrassment, fears, insecurities, other people and their interference, obligations, duties, promises made, all of these things have an effect on the outcome and quite frankly I don’t know them all. Even if I knew all of them, I don’t think I’d be quite intelligent enough to accurately predict all “moving parts” and their influence on how I am going to do in all of this.

In the middle of all of his sits a confused God who admits being out of his depth.

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