Sebastyne - blog home

Sebastyne

The Lover Of Men, Kings, and Gods, The Patron Saint Of The Masculine. Also, other stuff.

Relationship guide for those who are not really interested in sex

You don't have to submit to sex just to have a permanent relationship - conditions apply.

I have noticed that two groups are constantly at odds with each other when it comes to relationships. The sexual and the asexual. (Asexual meaning a person with little or no sexual interest towards other people.) Relationships, to an asexual, can be annoying, as people associate all romantic relationship types (mono or poly) with sex. Because to a sexual person, relationships make little or no sense without sex. Sexual compatibility is a strong glue that hold sexual people together. Without it, the sexual person is likely to leave the relationship as they NEED sex to feel close to their partner. However… Asexual people also need love and care, but they’d rather it didn’t come at the cost of arguing about sex.

Now… It seems to me that the asexuals feel like they have to turn the sexual people on their side on this. You don’t. You can simply find your own kind and form tight, permanent, lifelong collaborative groups or pairs that replace a traditional marriage, be it monogamous or polygamous. I feel it would be important to spread this idea and normalize it, to make it seem NATURAL that some people would choose to live in a non-sexual environment, even to the point of making it childfree. Not everyone has to follow this norm, in fact, the society NEEDS people who are free of the burden of childrearing and are free of hormones and sexual madness…

Then again, sexual beings are important for an obvious reason; we‘d die out soon enough.

When the pressure to reproduce would diminish, we’d also get a slow decrease to our population – but that’s looking far ahead now.

How to go about it

Whenever special needs are in question, I always recommend dating sites. There is no shame left in saying you’re asexual, in fact, there is quite a lot of pride-emotion linked to that word whenever I hear it. Be upfront about what you wish for, and do consider the alternative of sharing your life and your life’s problems with a GROUP of people rather than pinning all of your hopes on one person. But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t consider it your right nor your duty to coerce sexual people into giving up their sexual behaviors for your convenience. It is not your place to do.

Describe your dream relationship in detail, and be very clear about the sexual aspect. Be adviced though, that you’ll attract some people who will want to prove to you that they’re such a stud or a seductress that they’ll turn you into a sexual vixen or a god, too, but just ignore them. They’re the equivalent of people who decide that it’s their place to turn a sexually over-charged person into a eunuch, so there are these people in both camps.

Be blunt about the no sex bit. I can’t stress this enough

Be BLUNT about not wanting sex AT ALL. Say that you do not expect a sexual connection to your partners or from your partners. It is such a strong expectation that relationships contain SOME sex, that it’s wise to be blunt about expecting NO sex if that’s how you feel. This is to ensure there won’t be any need to have sex just in case the other person(s) want some of it when they don’t, then winding up in a situation that all/both of you have a little sex just to keep the other one happy.

If you wish to, include that you would, however, want children at some stage… If you would, but as I said, there’s no reason to do that if you’d rather go without. You can contribute to the society in SO MANY DIFFERENT ways without having children, that you really don’t have to.

Avoid sites known for being for hooking up.

Avoid OKCupid on generic international sites, PlentyOfFish, and Tinder are also quite hookupy, or, at least sexy. Although great at what they do, awesome websites, they are geared towards finding a sexual partner, permanent or otherwise.

Good places to try for asexual dating are eHarmony, LoveAgain (for mature people), and Match.com. There are also dating sites dedicated for asexuals alone. I cannot say that I’ve tried them, considering I couldn’t be more sexual if I tried, but… I do get a vibe that they may be a little bit too self-identifyi for a lot of normal people. It seems as though you have to be a bit militantly disinterested in sex. But try anyway if they seem right for you. Asexualitic  –  AceBook

It is MORE THAN COMMON, an epidemic even, for people to NOT really want a sexual relationship. Don’t be shy to say it out loud to save us sexuals from being sucked into yet another sexless marriage that makes us want to blow our brains out. It’s FAIR to say it out loud. It’s your duty to. Don’t hide it. Be blunt. Be up front.

Please.

Bookmark

Read More
« «
» »



 

Search

Read By Keyword:

 

Sebastyne Personal Logo (green and red variation)