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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A polyandrist; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

Relationship priorities, how our priorities change the way we connect

"If you are not HERE, I do not want you at all."

Although helpful on it’s own, this post relates to the profile fields under ‘priorities’. The profiling functions can be found under the navigation label ‘you’, for registered users.

Trust me, everyone here has a valid point, but when these opinions collide, a relationship is going to become impossible to keep healthy. Some clashes are inevitable, for instance, when family members have a different value system, but when it comes to new relationships, your ideal should match each other, so you can keep a unified front on this.

Opinion. Romantic relationship(s) come(s) first

The way these people feel, is that people are hard-wired and meant to seek romantic/sexual love as their primary relationship, and all other relationships come second to that. The lover is the most important person, their happiness comes first, and, as a service to their children, they help and support their child in their wish to find romantic sexual love connection of their own, without tying them too tightly to their parents or family. They will always have friends and family around, but only as their second relationships, while they, themselves are the unit they uphold at all times. The love that lasts forever is bound between two of this kind of thinkers.

This type of a person is highly sexual in their approach to relationships, and all of their relationships, ideally, their family relationships as well, tend to serve one purpose only; getting them laid! (Joking, just a tad! Becomes difficult, when the family member is a primary parent-child thinker, who thinks that “by getting my kid laid, I’ll maintain my primary role in their life”, while the child sees the romantic partner the primary relationship, and the parent the secondary.)

They are always seeking to make their romantic partner into the “first, and most important, perhaps the only family member they need”.

Opinion. Family first

Another very popular view is that blood is thicker than water, and that family ties are stronger than the bond between non-related lovers. They wish for the spouses of their children to join the family, with or without their own family, and they do not believe in serving two kings so to speak, if a marriage bond should be made, it should include both families, or the new wife or husband should make their own family the secondary, when joining their new family through marriage.

The people in this category MAY find happiness in the romance thinkers if they simply learn to view their spouse as a real family member and create a deep connection to him or her.

Opinion. Mother/Father and child bond is sacred

This thinker type is the type that causes the first type thinkers the most gray hairs. In this type of a thinker, the mother wishes to bond with their child so tightly, that the child will always have trouble marrying or maintaining other relationships, as they will always return back to their mother and be tied to her for life. Although some children love it, or even crave it, and are proud of being the mother’s primary child, to some, this is a nightmare.

Another variation is the bond between the mother and all of her children, and father and his chosen child, and father and all of his children. Clearly, currently, we live in a more matriarchal society, in which the mother-child bond is regarded sacred, while previously, it was the father-child bond that mattered, but there are still people who believe in the rights of the father over the rights of the mother, and justifiably so, neither is more sacred than the other based on any logical reason, only through personal, emotional preference and cultural views and habits.

Opinion. My best friend / Friends come(s) first

This type of a thinker will, for instance, prioritize their best friend over their spouse or family members. Very dangerous for someone who wishes to prioritize their spouse, once they find one. Unfortunately, these relationships are most often created in teen years, where as the spouses are often found later in life. These people are often parodied in comedies, in which a creepy high school friend turns up again after years of separation, expecting to pick up the relationship where it left off, and in which the cool old friend is either finally turned over to the love offered or manages to reject this crazy intruder for good. In real life, this is very much the question: Are you going to accept your best friend as your primary partner in life, or are you going to reject the friendship for good? What about this: are you going to accept a friend who views you as the second in order of importance, or are you going to find the connection you need elsewhere?

Opinion. Community first

People who think this see themselves as a community member before anything else. This may be their village, their county, their country, in some cases, their company, their religious organization, or other community, or their family, but the family has a slightly different flavor to it so it has been listed as a separate category. These people believe that everyone should pull together, survive as a group, in unity, there is power and all of the like. They have a bad habit of trying to force other people into their own way of thinking, considering the fact they view everyone as a member of something based on where they were born, not how they feel about it. These people would be happiest in a community, where the rules are “conform or leave”, and that would be the healthier option if the stigma and force would be removed, compared to the endless attempt to make the non-compliant comply, like in most modern communities. (The reason why this happens is because people who prioritize their other relationships do not see compliance with communal rules as important, and cannot understand why anyone should be cast away from the people they love simply for not following all the communal rules… However, to people to whom the community is the priority, the rules are sacred.)

Opinion. Siblings first

This opinion is more a happenstance than an ideal people hold, but if you prioritize your siblings over anyone else, they could be likened to the prioritization of your partners best friend, for instance. The important part is that you and your partner understand the vital importance of someone else in the relationship, and in your case, that someone else happens to be your sibling.

How to understand others?

It is often easier to understand others point of view when you consider your own. I, for instance, do not want a boyfriend or a husband who would not see me as his first priority. I wouldn’t even think about having a relationship with a man who would see his best friend more important than I – equal is fine, but not a priority. It would feel weird to have a man tell me he’ll go have beers with friends as if this was his day off from me, right? To some people, this is more than the expectation, because their priorities are different; you have your friends, I have mine, and our friends are more quite naturally more important to both of us than each other, because we have known these people for longer… or because they are of the same gender or some other reason. I, personally, would drop that guy like a hot potato, if he viewed me as some kind of a necessary evil (that’s how I’d feel) in comparison to his god-like friends. And, again, I love men, and I love hanging out with men, and I love my men having close friends, but he needs to share them with me, and me with them, just as a personal note to not confuse any potential perfect stalkers I might find down the line… 😉 )

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