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Sebastyne Messy Post Archive - MAYBE MORE CONFUSING THAN HELPFUL!

These posts have not been checked for a while. They're in all states of a mess. Some are published from a draft mode.

If you are in any way insecure about reading questionnable internet content, this is the last place to look. However, some of you might find these posts helpful regardless.

Confession of infidelity: a sign of trust or a breakup attempt?

Again one major difference between a Fluid Thinker and a Solid Thinker

When a Solid Thinker talks about their private life, they do not mean it is a specific sign of trust, more to the point, if they do not, that is a severe sign of mistrust. This often drives Solid Thinkers and Fluid Thinkers together, because the Fluid Thinker believes that the Solid Thinker confesses all of their secrets to them, as a sign of absolute trust and loyalty, rather than just a normal conversation.

The Fluid Thinkers need A LOT MORE buttering up before they start talking about themselves. This often leads to the situation where the Solid Thinker is doing all the talking and the Fluid Thinker is asking them questions as if they were being interviewed, whereas two Solid Thinkers would exchange deeply personal information about each other in approximately equal amounts, unless they are really at awe at the other; the Solid Thinker withholds information for two reasons: Thinking they are nowhere near cool enough in this company and second, as a sign of absolute mistrust. This mistrust isn’t about having secrets, exactly, but about the mistrust of how their feelings would be handled if they would talk about these matters in this company.

Fluid Thinkers exchange personal information and secrets like it was collateral: “If I hurt you, this is what you can use to get back at me.” This is completely foreign way of thinking to a Solid Thinker, to the extent that he or she is currently thinking: “What possible damage could that information do to me even in the wrong hands? Print it on the news if they are the slightest bit curious for all I care.”

The Fluid Thinkers value commitment over compatibility, commitment over passion, over sexual attraction, over anything else. So when they hate you, but choose to stick by you regardless, that is them showing you love. The more you hate each other while sharing “secrets” the more “loved” the Fluid Thinker feels. “I hate you, you hate me, but I give you all of these weapons to destroy you with.”

When a Solid Thinker confesses to infidelity or having fallen in love with someone else, their assumption is that the relationship comes to an immediate end and that there is nothing further to discuss. They do not understand how anyone would settle for a relationship where the other would be interested in sex with someone else UNLESS that is a mutual fetish, so infidelity is an absolute deal breaker. Confessing to infidelity, in Solid Thinker perspective, is same as signing your own divorce papers on the spot. If a Fluid Thinker confesses to infidelity to a Solid Thinker, the Solid Thinker will break off the relationship without further questions, and will be COMPLETELY confused if the Fluid Thinker still thinks the relationship is on-going “because they confessed!”

The Fluid Thinker, however, figures that confessing to having had an affair or having feelings for someone else is a sign of absolute trust. The final sign of a full commitment. They feel that this is the point where they can test the relationship, to be so certain that nothing will ever come in between them, that they can do anything… Including cheat, without it having any affect on the commitment other than making it stronger.

This rationale, to a Solid Thinker, is absolutely incomprehensible. From a Solid Thinker perspective, this isn’t even a relationship anymore. Everything is broken, and the breakup is not only instant, also absolute, and irreversible, unless the Fluid Thinker forces their hand to stay, by guilting them into it somehow.

The Fluid Thinker, upon confession of infidelity or feelings for someone else would expect the response to be: “Oh we‘ll work it out, thank you for being honest.”

The Solid Thinker would think… “WORK IT OUT?! What on earth are you talking about?! There is NOTHING to work out, cheating is the absolute end of it!” It’s like hacking someone’s head off, then shrugging one’s shoulders and casually thinking: “Oh it’s just a scratch, we’ll patch it up!” No. The relationship is as dead as Ned Stark.

It doesn’t take as much as infidelity to kill a relationship with a Solid Thinker. There are more ways to do that than I can poke a stick at. For that reason, whenever you see a Solid Thinker with a True Spirit Mirror, their bond is unbreakable, because they have never once stabbed each other in the back, and they trust each other without a question because they’ve proven themselves more times than there are stars in the sky.

Curiously, when a Fluid Thinker is given the idea that they would have to spend the rest of their lives with other Fluid Thinkers… They shudder at the thought.

After all, they treat their friends worse than they treat their enemies. Being the mortal enemy of a Solid Thinker is a cushy place to be compared to being the bosom friend of a Fluid Thinker.

Personal example: My first boyfriend was a Fluid Thinker. I cheated on him after being together for a year. I wanted to break up with him, because, well, I was 19 and there was plenty more fish in the sea. I didn’t plan on cheating on him, of course, just that I wound up in bed with someone who I thought was just too cool to pass off on, and someone who I didn’t think I meet again in a hurry. Which means… If not meaningless sex, then, at least a rare occasion. To a Solid Thinker, An ABSOLUTE deal breaker, if there is ever a case of infidelity they can forgive, the last thing that they will tolerate is meaningless sex, that is simply cruel and means that the relationship is in absolute trouble. My boyfriend, upon hearing my confession, leaned back in his chair, breath in deep, pain twisting his heart… And then he said: “What we’ve got is stronger than that, this wagon won’t fall over at the first bump.” I literally couldn’t believe my ears. I suppose he expected me to fall into his arms, crying, confessing my undying love for him, thanking him for being so understanding, forgiving and amazing… But instead, every bit of respect I had for him died on the spot. How could he be so… delusional? So desperate for a girlfriend that he’d forgive me for infidelity? I took it for granted that no further discussion would be needed… The relationship was clearly over, but so stunned I was at his reaction that we stayed together yet another 6 months (during which time I cheated on him again with the same guy but never bothered telling him, after all, what good was that going to do but to hurt him again,) before I broke it off. I suppose he thought the break up was a test, too, on a hind-sight…

 

Offer Editorial Help!

I have over 1300 posts to check and edit. I only have two hands. I don't even have time to check through them all if they even contain text let alone sense!

Copy a message here (trying to make it quick for you) or write a message yourself. :)

1. This makes NO SENSE AT ALL.
2. There’s a brilliant point in there, but it’s so messy nobody but an f'n genius will get it. Fix it!
3. These terms are from 1994. Update, please.
4. The post is empty.
5. This post is very much a draft. Perhaps best unpublish, finish, or delete.
6. I love this post, but it needs fixing, can you get to it so you can put it back  up with the ‘official’.
7. This seems to me to be a perfectly valid post (although needs fucking subheadings) please give a quick brush and republish...
8. I know you no longer believe this is true.
9. Great heading/subject, but the post is missing or so out dated, I’d unpublish this and write a new one on the same topic.

Cheers,

Sebby

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