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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A polyandrist; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

What we judge you for…

The difference in showing that you care and forcing someone into loving you

Now… There are people who are so insecure that all they want is for someone to show them, with a strong hand, that they are wanted and welcome, and that they are serious about having a relationship with whomever they are serious about. When they fall in love, they may believe that this other person is just as insecure and convinced that they are worth nothing to nobody, and their reaction is to force them into being in a relationship with them (for their own good) and to “rescue them from themselves” or to “teach them how to love” or “show that they care.

They often confuse a rejection for insecurity.

This is NOT NORMAL or healthy. This is the behavior of someone who SERIOUSLY needs help, but they cannot decide WHO should give them that help.

Interestingly enough, these same people are often people who follow the rules in everything, because they believe they know how to live, they know what the expectations are (don’t we all?) and they know how to make people “love you”. The only problem is that they systematically confuse approval with love.

Well aren’t you unique, I’ll make you normal!

When they meet someone quirky or someone who doesn’t fit the norm in some way, be that extra weight or a unique fashion sense, they think: “Well there’s someone (tragic) who needs me to show how to be a proper person and how to behave, and how to work through their issues (like that obscure fashion sense)” and take them on as a project. Some of them, themselves, emphasize their need of help by growing their hair long in order to denote that they don’t know what they are doing and need help. (This is why self-confident, independently thinking long haired men get so very often targeted by the women who think this way.)

Now… It is hard to judge people like this in this light, they are not doing this out of mean intentions or to force anyone into their own likeness, they simply believe EVERYONE wants to be “the right way” and that being the right way is the only way to find true love (aka. approval). We who understand this MUST teach them that this is NOT THE WAY to go about relationships and REFUSE to be talked into relationships like this EVER AGAIN. NOBODY should be able to force you into a relationship you don’t want to maintain, no matter what. You are free. You are your own person. You cannot be chained unless you allow people to.

Let them conform to the new rules.

The opposite camp maybe too gentle

Then again, people who are terrified they might be coming onto someone too strong (forceful) may actually not express themselves clearly enough that they want this relationship. Everyone needs to learn the difference in putting people under pressure to start a relationship and showing someone that they are serious about them. If someone is still running after one, two, or three serious talks, you’ve got to let them go, right? That’s pretty much where I’d draw the line… But, then… Keeping an eye on the signs that someone simply might not believe you’re serious about them (particularly if you have gained yourself a reputation) is a good idea.

The more popular you are, the clearer you need to be

You may not think that you are that special, after all, the reflection in the mirror is the same every morning, but if you know people react to you in a special way… You need to be on alert on this one. The more people love you, the more likely they are to doubt their value to you. You need to be clear in your actions if you know a lot of members of the opposite gender would love to be your partner. You may feel awkward about it, but the last thing you want is someone you love to think you don’t love them because you were too coy to show them.

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