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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A polyandrist; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

When you become the player’s prize girl

He/she gets you, and loses interest

I read my archives of Sebastyne.net, my original website. Shooting back over 10 years ago, into a time when I was a rather popular blogger back in Finland. Without realizing, I was making myself into a trophy. I was building an image of a girl who was too picky for one’s own good. What this did was excite the men who want a confirmation of their own awesomeness by getting the girl who wants nobody, the male variant of a rejection junkie, and scare away the men who actually loved me: “why would she want me, giving the way she is?”

He even admitted to it. He’s always excited about the women who don’t give a fuck.

I’m not the only prize trophy, of course. There are tons of people like that, most notably celebrities. The bigger you are, the bigger the interest of a rejection junkie is going to be.

It feels hollow when you realize that someone who was willing to anything to win you over, forgets you exist after he or she gets you… Or at least simply takes you as though you’d be a part of his/her stable now. “Got her, now I can focus on something else.” They will find peace, everything in their world is fine again. They have gotten their confirmation of awesomeness and unrivaled seduction power, which, in reality, is simple persistence and narcissism, when who you are doesn’t really matter, what matters is that everyone else wants you, too, (and there can only be one winner). Although monogamy feeds this as the prize is bigger and polyamory makes it less tempting as there can be many winners, but at the same time, being rejected by a monogamist is one thing (I lost by one spot) but being rejected by a polyamorist hits a nerve with a rejection junkie like nothing else. The logic is that “You cannot reject me if you are not monogamous!  You cannot sleep with all those people and NOT ME!” But at least if you make a few mistakes in there, you won’t be completely guarded by one individual blocking you from other people, hopefully giving you a chance of letting the rejection junkies find someone else to chase after.

Sure, there is a level of pleasure for everyone in being picked by someone who you find to be absolutely amazing and the power of knowing they are rejecting others because you’re there… That’s natural… But what is the difference is that your interest is piqued only when someone else is trying to take your prize from you. A true lover will remain interested in you no matter what. Your thoughts are special to them, their interest in the way you think and what you do and how you are feeling is always there. They want to devour you with their eyes as they cannot get enough of you, they thank their lucky stars for having you there, still, do this day, and when poly, they love you so much they cannot push other people away from you because they feel the fate of not being allowed your closeness is too cruel a fate to force on someone, while they do want to push away rejection junkies instinctively: “Not you. Your love isn’t real. You’re hurting her/him.” And quite naturally, the polygamous true lover fears they are hurting you themselves, and their sense of entitlement is non-existent and easily challenged by anyone who tries. Not so with rejection junkies. They have nothing but a sense of entitlement: “I’ve tried the hardest. I did most work. I got there first. I saw her/him first! They belong to me! I’ve earned my win!” They consider it a competition, they think persistence should pay off, they believe being ready to fight for you is what should earn them the prize.

All of that is bullshit.

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