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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A polyandrist; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

Should a man feel ashamed for having divorced his wife? If so, when?

Women get congratulated when they leave the louse they married. Shouldn't the same apply to men?

We live in a gender equal society, theoretically, at least. Yet, in case of a divorce, everyone’s eyes turn to the husband. “What did you do wrong?” Women are supposedly good at relationships, but men are not.  It doesn’t matter which one of the spouses file, it is always assumed to be his fault that the marriage failed. But is it always so? Do we ALWAYS get to blame the guy for a good reason? Is it fair to shame the husband for a divorce?

It is a myth that women are good at relationships, or any better than men are

Women are no better at relationships than men are, generally speaking. They too have their hangups, their fears, their tendencies to dominate, control, and argue. They too are closed up and bottle up their true emotions. They too have trouble expressing love, for more reasons than men do. The wife is more than capable of belittling her spouse and making him feel worthless despite everything he does, and these are not qualities of people who are good at relationships.

Nobody is good in the wrong relationship, but some people are bad in all of them. This is not a gender issue, this is a question of an individual and their individual problems. No mentally stable person is bad at relationships, but even they are bad in the wrong ones.

Also, the person who knows how THEY want their relationship to work is only good in a relationship that functions entirely on his or her own terms. A woman who is good at relationships knows how to give in a little here and there. A woman who is good at relationships shouldn’t mix gender politics (feminism) into her love relationships, but yet, so often they do. She should also do that without making it seem like a huge sacrifice on her part.

A person who is good at relationships makes people around them relax

Too many women think they are great at relationships, while others around them are “difficult to manage”. Being a wife (or a husband) is not a managerial position, even though that’s how women tend to see it. The role of a spouse is to be a lover, a companion, the soft place to fall, a protector, a kind voice, a tender word, and someone who you can count on to be on your side EMOTIONALLY speaking. The spouse’s role is not to be the challenger, the sarcastic bastard in your team, it is not the role of a manager, a boss, nor an employee.

A person who is good at relationships and a good spouse makes his or her family feel happy to be home. They create an air of ease, not a constant state of a battle to survive this cruel world. A person who is good at relationships also knows how to put true happiness ahead of perceived happiness portrayed to the neighbors and social media. (Note that stopping family members from using social media on the grounds of it looking like we are more interested in how we look like rather than how we are is also just cosmetics and a front.) A good wife does not harness her family to serve her reputation, any more than a good husband would.

People who are good at relationships do not use their loved ones (in ways they do not wish to be used)

Women often turn away from their husband once he has given her his seed and the litter is on the ground so to speak. This idea that women love their children more than their husband is at the point of an ideal creates an unhealthy attachment to the child and pushes the husband aside. This expectation is simply PLAIN WRONG. The primary relationship SHOULD BE between two lovers who equally love their child, the fruit of their love.

Deliberately…

The height of despicability comes when a woman finds herself a man for a husband, uses him to have a child, then uses him again to take care of that child. She then simultaneously denies him her love and affection… And feels proud doing so, too.

She turns to the man only to say: “You have done your part, you can go now. I have what I wanted out of you. “But if he does, she’ll blame him for leaving her. Sure, some test his love for her, trying to chase him away because she now feels undesirable, but is it any wonder he feels unloved for this, too? Some women even feel they need to protect their child against the child’s loving father.

“Being used” can be pleasurable

Just to point this out so nobody freaks out for having “used someone”, it can be the most pleasurable thing to have someone you adore use you in any way they can imagine IF you have given them a full permission to do so. IT SHOULD be what marriage means, but too often people get married for reasons other than this… Quite understandably so. The marriage vows probably should include a line: “I give you a full permission to use me in any which way you need me, I now belong to you.” Hopefully, that line would get stuck in people’s throats before they marry the wrong person. It is worth noting that this is what some people think marriage means, while others do not, and if they enter into the marriage with different expectations, a mess is inevitable.

Women who rejoice a man’s failure

It is also nothing uncommon that women gather around to dog on their husbands. This is probably much more common than what it is among men; many men would feel that if they talk like this about their wives, they wouldn’t deserve to stay married to them. However, this is also not a gender thing but more a thinker type thing, some people feel it is a show of love to their spouse to hate them but love them at the end of the day. But not everyone talk like that. Some talk simply out of viciousness and the wish to state one’s superiority.

Not good at relationships

Some women are like this. They gather together to bitch about someone’s husband. They feel vindicated when a man fails at something. The constant battle between sexes is still raging among the weak women, who believe they have to somehow prove it that men are not as good as women are. The constant battle over power.

People who are in relationships to claim control and tyrannical dominance over another person are not good at relationships. (Dominant people are not necessarily controlling. There is a pleasurable balance in this, and men often know that balance really well, while women are a bit clueless about it.)

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