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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. A polyandrist; The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyzer.  A romantic pervert. Generation X Rebel. A psycho-spiritual life coach.

“You’re not that good looking” and other facts of life

Why it's so hard to face the mirror sometimes

If you read the last post, you are on the right note for this one. If not, this might not make much sense.

One of the many reasons why I didn’t want to say anything about what is happening with me is that I fear the “online bullies”, the fact that they have the power of convincing me that I am imagining it and that I’m going insane. Nothing is as easy as convincing a person they’re not worthy of something that they want more than they can comprehend, and I need every ounce of my self-confidence to pull through what I intend to do. Ironically, my self-confidence is linked to the self-confidence of my men, and as I hesitate, so do they, they don’t trust my love when I don’t admit to trusting theirs, but as soon as I wrote that post, we‘ve been fine. Now they know.

But before, still second guessing my own sanity, I didn’t want anyone rattling that crickety boat.

I know I am not that good looking. NOBODY is THAT good looking. Nobody should assume that their looks alone will be enough to make men go wild for them, it has never been enough and will never be enough, for every woman who has got men buzzing around them like mindless moths around a lamp, there has never been one that is simply “good looking”, I promise. Such looks don’t exist. And am not saying are mindless… Just mindless in love sometimes.

There’s a saying in Finnish: “Sama naama kesät talvet”, which is, to the effect of: “Same face all year round”, pronounced with a level of boredom and disappointment over the fact the face is still the same this morning as it was last night – nothing has improved over night, and although it speaks of a face, there’s a deeper meaning to it. No matter what you are, you get used to being it. You go through your life being the person you are, and it gets mundane, you get blinded to it because it’s always there; You. Other people aren’t. They are the exciting change in your life. The exciting people.

That doesn’t change the fact you can still see yourself in some level of realism which puts you above other people, but you start doubting yourself because the only person in the room who always thinks they’re better than others is you. How can you trust a measurement that always reads the same, no matter where you take the reading from, when you know there are people whose gauges are so off that should they take a sledgehammer to that intricate instrument, it would still be an improvement. Maybe you’re one of those people?

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