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A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyser. A polyandrist. A romantic pervert. (A psycho-spiritual life coach.)


“Cut the BS” webinars and other frustrations

Oops I did it again, got sucked in the game...

You know these “live” webinars that promise to tell you something you don’t already know about making money online? I am such a sucker for these. I know how they work, and STILL, I get all excited about them and I sign up only to go ooooh määän, this is the same junk as every other webinar I’ve watched – note; watched, not attended because there’s nothing live about any of them. Mostly, what they speak of is a load of gunk, or a system that, in order to work, requires you to spam the internet like a mad man in order to get an income from some half-scammy operation. However… I watch them, waiting to find that one gem among them that will make it worth while, and having Tony Robbins in the advertising doesn’t hurt… But then again, often doesn’t help with the quality, either. And sometimes, they part with one bit of information that is actually worth while to you, and even though it won’t make you rich, it will give you a piece of the puzzle of how YOU’ll become rich.

You see, when you want to make Your Own Way in life, like freaking Frank Sinatra, you have to listen to your intuition over webinars. I know I’m completely lost in what I’m doing, but at the same time, I’m more clued in than anyone else. I’ve known since I was 20 that one day I’ll be a millionaire, and I wouldn’t break a sweat doing it. I also knew it wouldn’t happen by the time I was 25. I had to learn life first. And I had to wait for the clarity to hit… And try to work out what it is that will make me a millionaire… And it wouldn’t be a get rich quick thing.

Now I know what it is, but… I’m working on it. It became bigger than I anticipated. The numbers do not start with a m, it starts with a b. And yet… I don’t intend to become a slave to my billions. But… Not only that, I am working to clear the way for my next incarnation as well, and the incarnations of my true soulmates, who are the key to my success and happiness. I don’t want any more of this bullshit, and this means karmic bonds need to be cleared out of the way and released for good, lessons learned to not make more of those…. (What creates karmic bonds is not what you think. Hate doesn’t make karmic bonds, but showing love to people who you do not love does. They’ll think you love them, then you try to reject them, they think it’s some form of a test of loyalty and come back, then they test your loyalty and that is a vicious cycle. Never pretend to love people who you don’t love, or let anyone, no matter what kind of a simpleton they are, to think that you love them because you’re being charitable. Make sure they understand the difference between love, kindness, friendship, and impersonal charity. Let’s just say I’ve been pretty fucking kind in my previous lives.)

So, at some stage in my life… In 2011, I realized I had had enough of “this bullshit”, which, to me meant spiritual blindness and uncertainty, not knowing what others really think or feel or why relationships do not work the way you’d think – you’re nice to someone, they’re nice to you back, you reject someone, they’re fine with that, or I don’t know, you stop calling someone and they will forget about you, lol. And… You know someone loves you, you know you’re mad about them, you tell them you love them and they say the same back to you…

Yeah no.

So as I needed to know why one guy says one thing with his eyes and another with his mouth, and why is it that after all the years he was back on my mind when I knew I could take a rejection rather easily, why didn’t I believe he didn’t want me? It wasn’t my ego, although I feared it was. Anyway, I’ve told that story a million time. Where that lead, was a framework of psychological and spiritual cause and effect symptom, so logical, so predictable, I hear one symptom of a failing relationship and I can tell you what it is about.

Do you believe in the law of attraction? If you are in high-earning business you’re probably familiar with the concept. I have a deep need to make “an overnight success”. I also don’t want to misguide anyone with half-finished theories. I don’t want any relief before I’m ready to have it all. I have everything stacked up against me, so the break through won’t happen until I’m well and truly ready – and on a bonus side, I don’t think I’m the only one who needs to be ready for success… Because once I make a break through, I’ll drag a few people up with me – a few well deserving people, that is…

However… There will be a surprising lot of people I will protect my future circles from. I found out the most amazing things about my old friends in spirit conversations with them… A simulation game of sorts, a spiritual space where everything feels real (although you know it’s not)… This one was one of my favorite ones… Now… I don’t consider myself very good with such things as numbers and quick thinking involving them… But this is what happened in a place that doesn’t exist:

A friend of mine from school who I haven’t spoken to in years, comes to me to present a business idea involving celebrities. She has clearly been thinking about how to utilize my connections to start up her own business, and she presents it… I am not quite sure what it was originally, but it developed into doing hair and makeup for celebs to disquise them to dodge paparazzi. I don’t remember if it was for an entire holiday or something, but… So I gave her my conditions, very FAIR conditions: I don’t want my name in the documents. I don’t want to be linked to this business. I’ll lend you the money, no interest, you pay me back when you have it, but don’t mention my name as a partner. Her response? “Would you take stock instead?”

I cracked up. This was honestly the first time I’ve felt quick about anything involving business.

“Honey. I offered you a intrest free loan with no fixed payment schedule, and you ask me to take stock. What does that say about your confidence in the business? I’m not going to get my money back, am I?”

She looked confused, and if you are, I’ll elaborate as I elaborated with her. “Stock is supposed to give me profit. Therefore, you should be making A LOT more money than what you borrowed from me in order to pay me back what I lent to you and then make me profit on my investment. Deals do not get better than no interest no fixed payment schedule, you would only have to pay me dollar for dollar, not a dollar 25 cents for a dollar, at your own schedule, let alone 10 dollars for each dollar I spent on you in the beginning. Which, to me, spells out you are ot interested in making a profit out of your business at all.”

Then, I took the offer off the table.

“Then why are everyone offering stocks for collateral?” She asked me just now.

“Because that is all you’ve got at this stage. Your word, as in, your promise you’ll make them richer they were before because they put their trust in you. Also, usually when people make deals at this stage of the game, they make the shittiest, most unfair deals, because the investors have no reason to trust you, so they’ll take a bigger chunk than what they’d normally take for the money they put in, BECAUSE your word is not good for anything yet, they’ll have to trust your idea and the way you present yourself, but you haven’t got anywhere else to turn… Presumably, at least anywhere that would give you a much better deal. If they can, they’ll take a 51 percent chunk of your business, because they want to secure their money: if you fail to deliver on your word to get them their money back with profit, they can throw you out of your own company and get someone more competent do your work instead, or sell your company and give you your 49 percent of that money, or the 10 percent you still own after making crappy deals left and right to salvage your sinking business that you can’t even live on yet with your 10 percent. And then, these morons accuse the investor for ruining them. No. It’s stupidity that ruins shitheads like these.”

So. I am under no illusions about my business savy or the speed at which I can make this thing float. Therefore, I avoid investors like the freaking plague at the moment. I even avoid people with helpful advice, because I know what they’d say. I know that if they took interest in what I am doing, they would absolutely derail this thing wanting to make me do it “the right way”. But no. I want to do this the right way MY WAY, which means, I will have to live with every decision that I make now, and even though that will confuse the hell out of people, I will have to prove my worth as a sage with a link to my Adult Friend Finder profile in the menu (because I want to make it clear I’m not hiding for anybody, and the people I want to do business with must be fellow perverts) and I will not hide my personality, my opinions, or my obsessions from people just to make everyone fucking comfortable trusting me.

Plus swearing… I don’t think I’ll quit swearing.

It’s funny… I didn’t use to swear. I remember the first time I said the word “vittu” which is more or less a combination of the words cunt and fuck, thrown around as commonly as fuck, but literally means cunt… I was 13, and this was the first time I’d swear. I said it without thinking, but reacted like I’d just peed my pants. 😀 I was talking to a girl nearly as demure at the time, and we both had a fit at it. I was THAT much of a goody-two-shoe. I think she swore a bit more, but I had made a point not to. However… I think I liked it… But I never swore as much as I do now, after spending that 5-6 years in spirit with every fuck-tard I’ve ever known, I must say I’m running out of powerful swear words that would sufficiently convay the message of absolute wrath that I feel towards some of the people who are constantly in my presence in spirit. The powerless feeling of not knowing bad enough words to tell someone how lowly I think of them… A fucking discrace, let me tell ya. 😉 “Saatanan epäsikiö” came to my rescue once. I mean, I swear in two different languages and I still can’t get there. Saatanan epäsikiö was to convey my loathing towards a former friend, literally translated means Satan’s deformed featus. What makes it funny is that she wasn’t born physically normal but it was her character that earned her that name. English language needs better swearwords tho. Finnish is better for it… But creative use, like a new found friend of mine, another Poly Flame (meaning to say she’s among other things, spiritual) has become my idol for gems like “that crusty clit whore” and others.

At the end of the day, it’s just language conveying hate or loathing, frustration or such other feelings. It’s one of those things that I do not like about the society, that we’ve got a ban on a range of feelings, because “they’re not nice.” If you don’t like having angry people around you, stop hanging around people who YOU make angry! Which is kind of my point when I spew wrath at these people: “Can’t you see I am not exactly enjoying your company, go away!” But they’re, in their infinite narcissism, convinced that my hate has nothing to do with them, their behavior, or their attitude, but that “I’m going through a phase…” or “taking a frustration out on them”. Because… Who could POSSIBLY be angry at someone who thinks themselves more important to someone (me) than their soul bond lovers are, stopping them from reuniting? Why on EARTH would anyone be frustrated at someone who insists THEY must be given money you’ll make, or someone who has, for the entirety of your teen years made you feel like shit about who you are and what you’re capable of – making it clear that anything that comes out of your mouth is a fucking embarrasement? No… Clearly this is about my fear of my fate of becoming the fuck toy of the sexiest men in the world.

In spirit, they are here. In person, nowhere to be seen. This creates another interesting situation. I am going to cut people off when I get there. I’ll do my duty and help my brother taking care of our stupid load of old people that due to a weird family structure are all on us, but beyond that… I feel NO GUILT saying you can all go fuck yourselves. I know some good people still, but fuck have I seen the way these people think clear as day. Plus… The good news is I can say to each one of them: “You weren’t there when I needed you, why should I give you a fucking cent?” Because truly, when this all started, I spoke to a few people, and they pretty much stopped talking to me at the point of: “You know, I hear voices and am starting to lose it a bit.” People I’ve known for years vanished into the thin air. Weird. I thought, but convienient, I say, now. Thre are some people who still take me for who I am, voices or not, and them, I’ll love to spoil and pamper, but the rest of them… Good riddance.

And you know I’ve gone through an amazing array of scenarios of how to use my future billions to make my friends and family happy. One of the craziest schemes was when I decided that whatever happens, I don’t want certain friends close to me, so instead of hiring them to my businesses, I paid one of them to be the contact person to my friends “because I’m busy” and then keep organising parties for them back in Finland, parties that I’ll never attend, but provide everything for – including the designer clothing. The craziest thing about it was, that this actually snapped the most entitled of my friends into the realization, that what kind of a friend is she really, if she’d be cool with this? To NEVER see me, but ready to spend my money for me? What’s crazier still, is that I actually like that scene.

Now… The question is… I am betting my life on the loving voices I hear. Not just what they are telling me, but what I am feeling from them. The love, acceptance, the WISH to have me with them. Knowing who they are… Is crazy… But… In every way that I can think of, I belong with them, not here.

And all I have is a hope that one day I’ll make enough noise for them to see me, or… At the perfect time, one of them is put on my path and everything will be fine.

I know they lovingly wanted me to start talking about this more openly, so here I am… Talking.


What’s the difference between a psychosis and having spirit guides? Do they love you or do they hate you. That’s all.



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I said

eBooks. Maybe someone who writes an average of 3000 words per blog posts should probably focus on eBooks.


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