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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyser. A polyandrist. A romantic pervert. (A psycho-spiritual life coach.)

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I love a bit of smut on my rock n’ roll

Now, I’m not gonna lie to you. I love pretty boys playing loud music. Pretty boys or pretty men, all the same. For me to absolutely fall in love with a band, there has to be that Jim Morrison slither, Steven Tyler demon dance, Joe Perry strut, Nuno Bettencourt’s kind restraint of sexual motions just to save little girls’ private parts from exploding during his show… (Considerate of him.) If that sexual energy is missing, I can still appreciate their music, but other than that, who cares, right? That’s the way I listen to heavy metal, appreciating the dude’s masculinity to no end, but since heavy metal is a bloke show, I’ll just kindly move myself to the rock n’ roll side and wipe the perspiration off my forehead as the blokes come closer.

Uh, the drama.

I tried being professional about it when I was younger. As you all know, when you age, you are going to loosen up a bit – sometimes that’s a good thing, although there are things that we’d all prefer as uptight as a 20’s girl school headmaster. (Never you mind, my abs are rock solid. At least they will be in another couple of months, not to mention other important particles of a human anatomy – just saying, don’t discard me based on my age, that would be a dumb move, yea?) Yeah, about being “professional”; I was practicing to make sure I can discus music with the guys if I’d ever get to meet my rock heroes. What a waste of time, you know? A) I’m a girl, what do they care if I know my scales or how to mix music in the studio, and B) I wasn’t a very good student at such things. I never was a good student, I’m a genius, but not a good student. Giving up to the allure of the rock god proved to be much, much more rewarding. You don’t actually need to meet them to have fun at their expense, right? Just tweet any crazy bullshit that comes to you. Ha. And be ignored. Anyway… (Speeding on from that unpleasant bit of reality to something much more exciting…)

Smutty lyrics, that would be it. I appreciate a bit of politics and a little bit of preaching, but for the love of God, can you find anyone so good at saying the smuttiest thing without using one dirty word to do it than Steven Tyler? That man is like GOOOOLD to a dirty mind and thus, rock n’ roll, but then, that’s how he made his millions. Big mouth, big 10 inch… Just like “big ten-inch record” the way he holds his microphone obviously has nothing to do with a microphone or, how do you call a girl a whore with more eloquence than “I know there’s been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed”… (You honestly didn’t think he’d lose his sanity to a Manolo BLAHnic collector, did you?) Lyrics you can play in Disney Land without nobody realizing that he’s talking about licking a girl in the back seat of his car during a high school dance. Or, during the most romantic song, he’ll make a reference to the smell of her hair and goes directly into marveling the taste of her… wet. Indeed. Her wet. Need I say more than “yes, please”. Oh, apart from the fact he was lamenting the wet of some other blokes girlfriend… You dirty dog…

Once, someone raved about how nice it was for a rock band to not have explicit lyrics in every song, along with a link to Walk This Way, I’m like what the fuck, you’re over 18, right? You realize it is smut from top to bottom, don’t you, just like every other song they play if Tyler had anything to do with writing the lyrics. ;p Just pick a song and start reading; if it doesn’t make sense the way it’s written, it’s pure porn. He is the Demon of Screaming but the way he rhymes leaves no questions as to why the girls at his feet are still screaming his name when he’s in the later part of his 60th years, and why still, it’s difficult for girls to leave the party without tearing their top of. (I’ve managed, but only just.)

It would be hard to pick a favorite smutty line out of sooo many beautiful options… “Got the right dress baby but the wrong key hole”, “Sex is like a gun, you aim, you shoot, you run” (he’s not gonna call ya!) “I’d rather be OD’in on the crack of her ass” or, or or this one! From F.I.N.E  “She got the cracker jack now all I want’s the prize, honey heh heh heh I know these hookers down on 42nd street, but, uh, Ill-gotten booty’s not my style” – what a way to say you’d rather fuck a virgin than whores, but you know, Steven, once you crack them the allure is gone, but you’d know that by now. :p And, same song (F.I.N.E is a beauty) “Ain’t got no rubbers now it’s rainin’ all the time, honey”… Oh man, to have no rubbers and all that booty… Been there, been there, he didn’t have rubber either, only wood.

Yeah. I gotta take a break now, you know why, but before I go, I’m just gonna throw this one in here, too – My favorite Joe Perry line: “I made you a dollar you gave me a quarter…” If this is about Billie Perry, I’m telling you Joe; I’m pretty low maintenance, just so you know… In addition, you give me a dollar and I’ll make it two, yea? (Now I’m just talking tall, but hey, a girl’s gotta pull all stops, right?)

 

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I said

You know when these girls be like: “Oh I am a virgin and intend to stay that way until I’m married!!!” And you think… “Oh you little twat”

Sebastyne

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