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A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyser. A polyandrist. A romantic pervert. (A psycho-spiritual life coach.)


I’m getting irritated about one of them guys…

Fear of Hell...?

So here is my dilemma at the moment… I like this guy. He’s famous. He’s inside my head toing-and-froing between me/us and his young family. I watch his videos and I want to scream. “Stop talking! Stop fucking talking. Stop avoiding it. Face it. Face whatever it is that you are avoiding! I need you to calm the fuck down. I need you to sit down and face it. The stuff you avoid at Yoga, the stuff that you avoid when you make jokes. When you only half-listen to your guests that you pretend to get deep into the soul with… Your spirituality is a sham!” I want to scream “you are a fraud! You cannot do this without me! You do not know how to be without me! I am your calm, your peace, your happy place. I am it…”

Without me, what are you but a shell of a man?

And what right do I have to say so? Didn’t I make you addicted to what I am? Am I not the very addiction you battle against? Didn’t I do you a disservice to be everything to you so that you don’t know how to exist without me there? I want to hold you and tell you everything is fine, and at the same time I want to force you into being fine without me. I need you to be FINE without me, I need you to calm down, I need you to know you are safe even when I am not there. I want to teach you what I know, replace that shite they’ve fed to you your whole life… New Age and communism. What a fucking combination of crap. And what I want to give you is more New Age and anarchism… Wow. Just a different brand of each that you’ve used to before. And I’m thinking, aren’t I just repeating my old mistakes if I do this? If I give you all the answers without you not needing to think about it…

But then, you’ll think about it, you’ll run around like a mad man through every staircase in the house just to keep your mind ticking over with this new information and to control the excitement you’ll feel over it… You, a grown man, running around like a 10-year old boy, excited, ADHD, and I want to scream: CALM DOWN!

How do I reach you? Where are you hiding what is it that you fear so that you cannot sit still without yoga.

In a vision, I saw you leaving your yoga class. “Didn’t you forget something?” I asked you. “What?” you ask, patting your pockets, checking your bags. “The calm you were building in there, you forgot to take the calm with you.” I said. “Don’t leave it to those special places, that calm. Keep it with you wherever you go.” I said, but he… He is what he is. A wild great ape after a banana.

And I know you are brilliant. Too smart for your own good. Your mind races faster than you can keep up with, or, at least anyone listening can keep up with. And all I want to say is for you to fucking stop running! What is it that you fear? What terrible truth lies within you that you do not want to see it for yourself?

Shall I? Shall I find it for you? I want to. I doubt it’s anything serious. Something stupid like you don’t love your mom, really. Who the fuck does? I don’t know. What is it?

You’re afraid of death?

You? Of all people? You’ve died about as many times as I have and you haven’t learned yet? How have you managed to avoid learning to enjoy death? How do you skip over something like that? 😀 The thing you fear, you haven’t even experienced? Have you always lost your consciousness before dying, so you don’t know what it is like yet? I just blogged about dying, so I fear I’m picking this up from there rather than from you, but hell, it fits.

My dear boy, my dear darling man. There is nothing about death you need to fear. There won’t be any horrors waiting for you on the other side, there won’t be demons, I promise you that. There won’t be angels either… Maybe you have experienced that fear before. I promise I’ll go with you the next time. I will keep you safe. We are almost the same age, we can go together. I’ll show you there is nothing to it. I will be with you the whole time. You really DO fear it… What monsters have you conjured up in your mind… What monsters! You imagine the worst of horrors and they come greet you at the door, but no more. I will be with you, I promise. No monster will get my love, no harm will come to you, and I know we’ll be stuck in your hell for a moment, but we’ll go through it and I’ll show you the way out, I know this.

A dungeon with monsters. That is what you anticipate. I should have known.

I will publish this now.

Maybe you know who you are and know what happened next.


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I said

For a long time, I’ve been the master of self-control. Didn’t say anything controversial or insulting. People thought I was “being superior”


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