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A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyser. A polyandrist. A romantic pervert. (A psycho-spiritual life coach.)


Johnny and my perception of him, and his idea of how he’s seen

I am so sorry I keep going on about Johnny Depp, but hell, who wouldn’t in my position? As I’m setting up this site, I’m reading through some old posts to check them for accuracy and tonality and the kind, and I found this one about Johnny, in which I make quite an inaccurate description of how he’s perceived by other people in Hollywood. I don’t want to republish it because it was shite. 😀 However, at the time that I was writing it, I felt it deeply that this is the way it was… However… Something happened a few weeks ago:

It was after reading some bit of nasty gossip of Depp, and I was addressing someone else and said: “Okay, so I know Johnny Depp is an awful man, but I lov…” And his emotion arose and he said, kind of baffled: “No, I’m not. I’m actually a nice guy.” This was the first time I’d called him “awful”. I’d called him misunderstood, I’d called him underappreciated, I’d called him “a pretty boy”, I’d said a whole lot of things that reflect either the public’s view on him or my view on him, and this was the first time he objected.

He seemed to sink into his chair, dismayed: “I’m nice.” And I knew that would be the end of the drama in his life, the gossip would soon die out – it still hasn’t by the way, but I know it will, or at least it’ll change tonality.

As I said, I’m convinced I am the reincarnation of Antonia Wolff, and he is the reincarnation of Carl Jung, and as such, we have been intertwined into each other’s subconscious for all this time. He relies on my perception on him, and I rely on his perception of me, and our ideas of each other mingle and interact.

When I first saw his photo in a magazine – a friend of mine had seen Cry Baby and was swooning, as she went for that look, Jimmy Dean, Elvis Prestley, A-ha, but the word that popped into my mind, with a deep sense of loathing was “a product”. “Meh,” I said to my friend. “Not my type.” I knew nothing about Johnny Depp, nobody had ever heard of him in the early 90’s as we didn’t get Jump Street 21 in Finland. Inside, I felt wrath at his managers, the producers and the entire Hollywood crew that had made that guy into a product, him allowing them to, those people who made him sell his soul for shite and them all for insulting the public’s or teen’s intellect with this sham of an image, that had nothing to do with reality. Where the hell did all of that come from? I was in no way interested in Hollywood’s image building strategies at the time but was completely devoted to my rock idols. I didn’t watch Cry Baby or anything else he released in the few years to follow I think I didn’t catch on until a lot later. I cannot say when, but I remember that first picture I saw of him as clear as if it was yesterday, but only the picture and who showed it to me. (But it does mix with seeing the first picture of Jon Bon Jovi in a very similar circumstance but by a different friend.)

I know now that he’s been fighting that feeling of being a product for his entire career, and I know I picked it up from him when I saw that photo. I think it was also that very photo that I figured why actors can’t be trusted, and I lost the last of my interest in actors, because, even between movies they still have a role to play…. And from an actor, who knows which version of them is the right one?

I’m a bit more confident in that area now. I do see into people with quite the clarity, but… It wasn’t until that moment when I called Johnny Depp “an awful man” that he stopped thinking about himself as such, at least on the spirit level. It is like he’s been trying to tell people that he’s an awful human being for all this time, and for people to stop adoring him so much until I finally said it out loud and he realized there was not much to that claim at all. No matter how much people would defend him, no matter what niceties they’d repeat… It took one person whose opinion he trusted to say “he’s awful” and snap out of it.

And when I said I thought he’s “awful”, I didn’t mean it in any real sense… Just that he could be claimed to be “awful” without anyone having much of a case to say different considering the press he has received lately – even though I’m sure there’s been a lot of it before, it’s just that I haven’t read gossip ever, not until this Amber thing started, and I couldn’t keep away from it… So… Has anyone seen a change in him on the ground level yet..? Or could it be that it had to be me or someone else who he has fully bonded with a whose opinion on him he’d trust… I’d imagine his past life wife Emma, who I reckon is my god parent’s daughter Henna, was a fan, but… Would it have helped if she would have agreed that he’s no good? (I haven’t really been close to her for years, so I can’t say how she feels about Johnny, but she says she was a mad fan when she was younger, completely unlike me, went full blown mad over him for years, and she’s surprised I can’t remember that but I have no recollection but now that she mentions it, it’s coming back to me… Wow. He just turned around to see Henna who has been to his right behind his back this whole time where my family and friends sit and vanished for the first time in years. I can still feel him, but he’s jokingly paying a visit to Henna’s past and present, this is weird, it’s like he’s no longer here but I know he can hear me, and I feel like he’s inside my head rather than sitting near by like normal. So the question is, what happens when he meets his wife from a previous incarnation in person…? After all, I was just “the other wife”, not the second, but “the other”.)

I don’t know. It was interesting whatever it will mean, but I feel like when I now read that old post, it didn’t ring true to him anymore, which is why I had to not republish it. When I wrote it, he was eagerly nodding that this is the way he is and what a nice thing to say, now it felt more like… OMG what do we take the others for? I’ll just go wait until Johnny comes back home. :p (A nice thought.)

But for now, I’ll just go wait until Johnny comes back home. :p (A nice thought.)



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I said

A man does his everything for the woman he loves except betrays his best friend.


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