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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyser. A polyandrist. A romantic pervert. (A psycho-spiritual life coach.)

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Kinksters Around The Globe

It’s been a while since I’ve used a dating site in Finland. Everyone knows I swear by them, and I quite love dating sites, because of that expectation factor, the unknown of the possibility of maybe getting laid later with this person.

A (male) friend of mine was chatting to a girl on a dating site and then sent me a link to her secret(?) blog that I’ve nearly read word-for-word. I don’t understand why she is keeping it a secret considering her mother is cool with it. Is there another opinion that she should give a fuck about? Anyway, the experiences she’s had on a dating site make me shudder. Sure, I had a few of them back in Finland, COMPLETELY juvenile, moronic comments left by men who have NO IDEA whatsoever. I don’t know how old this girl is, she mentioned something from 1998, which would make her at least near 30, which kinda makes me desperate to hear what she’s going through.

Sure, the opening line on Adult Friend Finder seems to be “oh fuck your pictures made me hot and I want to fuck that tight pussy of yours”, but it kind of goes with the territory. If you’re on an adult site, then you take it for what it is – and I effing love those messages anyway. If I’d hear the same comment out of context on, say, Instagram, the block button wouldn’t be far, but on AFF, I don’t care, say whatever is on your mind, and I’ll lap it up.

However. Having had a quick look at the Finnish guys on the adult site… The old desperation returns. The reason why this very blog was first founded in 2001. Although the complete morons are a minority, finding a truly masculine man is like looking for a needle in a haystack. THere’s that unbelievable need for proving oneself, being an absolute idiot just to fight that resistance to get between a girl’s thighs. I don’t know if it’s the age difference, but I doubt it, but here in Australia – and I get messages from all around the world – the men are MUCH more relaxed, much more adult, and a lot less pushy, and yet… Masculine and dominant… Even on a normal kinkster site, as in a swinger community rather than a fetish group – although fetishes are in abundance on AFF.

I don’t think I’d EVER meet up a Finnish guy without seeing his photo first, particularly with the agreement on sex on the first meeting. And yet, it is the Finn in me that allows me to be so natural about sex; I would just as easily hook up with a random guy at a dance club than on an adult site, so sex with strangers is hardly a new thing for me – just that I’ve developed an ugly fetish for myself, it’s very handy thing to have considering I’m past 40 and my men are often past 50. 😀 Still, I haven’t found anyone to be THAT unattractive that I would have actually had to utilize this fetish, but I’ve definitely lowered my bar to whatever – in fact, the more excited I am about the guy… No, the guys who are ALMOST there, who are NEARLY the perfect guy but I already know by instinct that they’re falling short over a technicality, I feel like it’s easier to simply space out and not go too far, than try to explain to them after 4 months of dating why I’m still not in love with them… After all, someone who literally has everything to give will find it very hard to understand why anyone would say no to them in the end. The bigger the difference between them and me, the more relaxed I am. A fat guy in his 60’s is not going to be insulted when I tell him that I’ve found the love of my life… Or several of them, and that I won’t be coming around anymore, he’d be grateful he’s had this time at all, and that’s why I go with them these days.

Plus, I can’t wait to see the wrath in the eyes of… What Should I Call Him, if he ever finds out. I know he’d be peeved, and he should be peeved for having let me slip up. There is no submission without a dom who knows who he owns by his birthright.

But I was wondering, reading through this girls’ updates, she didn’t consider herself very pretty, I figure, and I wonder how much it affects the way men talk to a woman. I have a sneaking suspicion men tread very carefully with a pretty girl. Just like we tread very carefully with a handsome guy. They don’t have to beg, therefore… You don’t want to put one foot wrong if you want to get there in the end… But when the stakes are not that high, you can just try how far this person would go to get laid, how far can you push them… But this girl doesn’t give an inch. Interesting case though. She writes like a stunner, but then brings up she’s not very good looking. Her rope would be very short with men who are not 100% in love with her, which is a good strategy to weed out Mr. Wrongs as she’s after a permanent relationship, so for that, her strategy works.

Her texts were so refreshingly open and honest though that I was quite honestly inspired to take that filter out… Even though that has been the goal for a while, but she made it seem simple, perhaps because making fun of oneself is one thing, but to reveal a lot of negative package towards other people… Noot so easy anymore. Anyway.

Kinksters aside, one thing I’ve noticed between the Finnish male and the Aussie male comparison is that the Aussies tend to be afraid of the way their women are going to screw them over. Maybe it’s the age again, as we get burned a few times and falling in love or enjoying sex is not going to be the same anymore, some simply shut down and lose the rose colored glasses I think. Even though, the little that I’ve hung out with Finnish men since… The Finnish male lets you a lot closer emotionally during the first meeting than the Aussie, who stays reserved for a very long time – at least mostly, exceptions, I’m glad to say, exist. Men who have already decided they’re “outlaws” as in guys who don’t really give a crap about what anyone thinks of them, and if you judge them, they’ll laugh a big laugh and call you an idiot should you judge.

I guess in Finland it is easier to be enough as a guy. The expectations aren’t built up to inhumane heights. An Aussie bloke needs to be everything imaginable just to be good enough, while a Finn only needs to be a half decent human being to be beyond reproach. The expectations on a Finnish guy are a lot more realistic, and Finland, by many standards, is a lot more gender-equal culture than Australia, so to criticize, a Finnish woman also has to reach the same measure, otherwise… Shut the fuck up, bitch. In Australia, a woman who has nothing going for her can freely criticize a guy who isn’t Matthew McConaughey II or III, even though she would look like a hog wrapped in black plastic, with 8 kids in tow to 12 different (possible) fathers, with no job, prospects, or interests, and an IQ of 60. If she’s a little bit more accomplished than that by the time she turns 30, her rejection will sting a lot harder still, but when the culture supports the rights of absolute bottom feeders right to criticise ANY guy, it’s going to be tough on one’s self-esteem and put one on the defense a bit. In Finland, we don’t have the “husband will provide” mentality nearly to the extent that Australia has it, both parents usually work, and the government supports this by providing affordable day care to the kids, just to enable families to live equally side by side. All of that affects the man’s sense of self-worth, and quite frankly, allows the women to achieve more in life than just function as someone’s baby machine. Just to compare, in US and Australia, women choose to be childfree in order to build a career. I chose to be childfree to be free to not work in order to feed my children. It didn’t even occur to me that I could find a guy to provide for me and my children, and if your husband works, so do you, and should you divorce him, you don’t want to land in an absolute desolation, either. The other kind of women are scum in Finland – not that I wanted kids even if that was acceptable, so that’s not to say “ooooh I wish I had thought of that sooner…” -statement. Divorced Finnish men still pay alimony, but they’re not expected to also support the wife they divorced because single mothers are given more or less equal chances of supporting their children to any other mother in the country – because raising families is supported by the government, not by feminists. Not to say it would be easy, but there’s no “my mother worked 3 jobs to raise me and my 3 siblings, prostituted herself just to get by and we still ate beans every day” -stories in Finland.

 

So that again translates to the kinkster world in a funny way. In Finland, it seems that male kinksters, according to the girl’s diary, tend to be social outcasts who simply want an easy-to-handle woman, as in NO WILL at all -type of a woman, whereas the Aussie kinkster simply wants a relationship with no danger of getting thrown into the shit for it, many are married men in open marriages in amicable terms with their wives who know their husband has other women, and I’m cool with that, too, although I’d like to imagine the wife doesn’t get any. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

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One who has had great sex or fallen in love, thinks they’re the only one who has. One who has not thinks they’re the only one who has not.

Sebastyne

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