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Sebastyne

A rock fan. A thinker. A psychic empath and a channel, a Tarot reader. The lover of men, kings, and gods. An eternal romance analyser. A polyandrist. A romantic pervert. (A psycho-spiritual life coach.)

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Rolling Stone covers Extreme (Nuno Bettencourt) with bombastic writing

I Cannot Deal. I simply cannot deal. Who HIRED this guy?! Who ever hired him should be fired! I fucking looove Extreme, Nuno Bettencourt in particular, as everyone who has ever known me is well aware of (and if you aren’t aware of it, you’re no real friend) and here I was thinking to myself, that it is sooo nice having Extreme in the headlines again since they’ve been having this anniversary tour for II Pornograffitti this year. Rolling Stone should be THE magazine to get a write up in, sooo I settle into my chair and start reading.

Schreeeeek. The dispassionate entry to the bands history is acceptable. The dude’s not a great fan but is simply doing his job. Whatever. Fair enough… “Cherone’s showmanship”? So you can hear that on the album then, can you? Gary Cherone is a great show man and has gotten even better with age, but damn he would make even better Aussie Rules Footy player, but that’s another story entirely. He makes an obvious remark about Bettencourt’s fast fingers with an old-sounding expression of “fleet guitar”, that I’m not even sure is a real term… Which is only a small fraction of what he actually does with his instrument.

Then, he goes on to use the word “bombastic”. Ok, I’ll allow that… You’ve obviously spent your golden years in the early 90’s, hence the job given to write about Extreme, a bunch of kids from your perspective, I’m sure. Bom-fucking-tastic…

But fucking hell I draw the line when you repeat the word bombastic to first give the music of the time a bad name, and then describe the common style of the music of the band you write about in another context. You DO NOT use words like that twice in the same article, definitely first as a negative attribute and then as a positive, unless the article is about the over-use of the word bombastic! (That was my initial reaction, which gave me the idea of writing a post about the over-use of the word bombastic, so thank you…. Mr… Oh, no. Ms. Maura Johnston… Oh, so this is one of THOSE things…! It’s a SHE! Taking a quick look at the list of her articles shows a bad habit of overusing adjectives that should not be used by anyone who wishes to be even half-credible in the rock business. Maura… What a name. Not that mine was much better, thanks, dad.)

Hell no, I thought. I am not going to read any more of what Maura has to say about my beloved Extreme. I feel too nauseated after the second bombastic, but, should I? Just to be fair? Maybe there is something else that I could nitpick on? “My Imaginary Nuno, please hand me the anti-nausea pills.” *Hands them over* “Thank you, sweet heart. You won’t be offended if I read the whole thing? After all, you shared the link on Facebook. You had to, of course, after all, it was the Rolling Stone.”

Oh yeah. The “wide-lens concept album” II Pornograffitti. Somebody, please, get this woman fired.

The discomfort. The utter discomfort. This is a woman who clearly hates rock. She was the intoxicated 90’s disco bimbo in a glittery skirt screaming when Mr. Bombastic went on, and if she was older (to be fair, she’s probably my age) she would have screamed at the first notes of Big In Japan, but she would not have had a clue about Extreme and what made them so fantastic, apart from her love affair of hit songs such as, gasp, the non-bombastic, or more to the point, non-threatening More Than Words, which, by the way, is my least favorite Extreme song, but, to be fair, the one that sucked me in in the first place. I was rescued from the world of teen pop from then on, something that even owning a Skid Row album didn’t manage to really do. (I lived in a fucking hell hole, and Skid Row was the only beam of light for a long time.)

Ah, yes, fuckin’. She quotes Nuno Bettencourt and adds the word ‘fuckin” in the sentence, in writing, the way he probably used it. The thing is, Nuno is a fairly softly spoken man, and writing that word into a text, albeit correct in terms of accurate reporting, does give out a vibe that is NOT Nuno, when written into an article by a mum of 5 who just returned back from a string of maternity leaves without having had the time to update her vocab. You barely hear Nuno swearing when he does, because he doesn’t use the word emphatically, it’s a filler, when he’s meaning to say “what’s the word” or “where was I”, and if written down, should be spelled as fkn’, probably, because he uses the profanity so half-heartedly.

I also have a fkn’ issue with bringing up Sebastian Bach in the sub heading as if he was the huge ticket to fame these guys had, and don’t get me wrong, I’d climb that stalk all the way to the top, too, but hell, they did manage to do a great career quite on its own merit, a career that I hope is yet to see its greatest height. (Hell, Aerosmith did it… Twice!) Having said that, the story about Bach going crazy over More than Words was a good story.

This is soooo… so so bad… She continues to quote a bunch of people about More Than Words, the song that broke the band to mass audiences in the first place, in the style as you’d interview the neighbors after an unexpected murder case in the neighborhood: “Oh they were really quiet type of people. Really reclusive. You never really saw them around, they’d only greet you in passing, shy people they were, and then, this. You never know about people, do you?” Do I read the quotes that she chose in her great wisdom to include into the article..? I guess I’m over committed now. Nuno? My pills, please.

Yes. Indeed a mistake to include them. Carter Alan, Boston-based rock DJ chimes in with more of the same blah blah. Yeah a lot of power ballads (see, Muriel, whatever your name is, in the business, they’re called ‘power ballads’, not bombastics) back in the day, everyone was writing power ballads… Then he lists songs that first came out in the late 80’s, and by the time More Than Words was released, they were pretty old news anyway. When More than Words came out, it was REM, Chesney Hawkes, Shakespeare’s Sister, Army of Lovers, Soundgarden, Nirvana, or even fucking Wigfield or Scatman John, that sort of crowd, that were competing over the air waves. Absolute rubbish, most of it, as you know.. But yeah, Aerosmith surely got their word in, but with something sounding, all in all, out-dated through repetition for a couple of years by then. (And yes, Aerosmith is at the very top of my personal favorites, sharing the top spot with Extreme, and I STILL play Pump and Vacation on my Android when I take walks – in the limited storage space I’ve got to spend.) At the time, Aerosmith was already moving towards Get a Grip, which had an exciting new sound to it, but obviously, it wouldn’t be released until 1993, so Extreme’s rise was wedged between Aerosmith’s Pump and Get a Grip. A small, but annoying little oversight in a quote not really worth adding.

But thank heavens she decided to stop writing and start quoting for the rest of it as if she’d run out of time or energy to really write a proper, full article of the length they wanted her to write… But I’m glad she did. It would have been a mistake to quit at the second bombastic simply because sometimes the unedited beats the crap out of the edited. (I admit. I overused it even for an article about overusing it.)

Here’s the song; Nuno Bettencourt and Gary Cherone playing More than Words

while the rest of Extreme, Pat Badger and Paul Geary listen on.



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Reading through .net offline archives from 2001-2003 I feel the urge to say that I was young, I hadn’t lived abroad yet..

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