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Narcissism: rejection and claiming of a label despite behavior.

Another narcissistic quirk that I want to point out just for the sake of curiosity is the habit of rejecting or claiming a label despite one’s behavior. “I want all of Johnny’s money, but I’m not a gold digger!” “I am speaking on behalf of all trans people every chance and broadcast I can, but I am not an activist!” “I gave my children a ton of childhood traumas, but I’m a great mother!” “Yes, well, I start fires here and there, but I’m an awesome firefighter!”

A narcissist doesn’t want to attach negative labels to themselves, but wants the positive ones, and they also don’t want the burden of having to behave in the manner as the labels describe or want to be excused for behaving in that manner. They are basically saying: “I know I do this, but I don’t want you to dislike/judge me for it, so you don’t have to!” or “I know I do/did that, but you still need to admire me for technically being it, you know I want to be admired for it so you can!” There’s an innocence in narcissists that quite blows the mind of a normal person. They don’t see what they do as dishonest, just… “Well, I don’t like that so… I want to be seen this way and I know you think that’d be better, too!”

Narcissists play a game of pretend everywhere they go. It’s not malicious in intent, it’s just their way of looking at the world. I’m not saying you should accept it because it’s not malicious, I’m just saying it’s not malicious because it isn’t. It’s just like children playing pretend; they assume you love the game just as adults love to play pretend with children. No harm in it… They just become better at the game, in some sense, but this “I know I suck cock but that doesn’t make me gay” -way of thinking is just one of the developmental phases.

 

 

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Cult Leaders wanted. (Not by me, tho.)

I want to liberate people. I want people to be able to be their authentic selves and find whoever loves them for whatever they are. There are a TON of people who look up to me to whip them into shape and to mold them to my image (thinking that’d be possible without any will to do anything for anybody else but me, being completely fucking blind to anybody but me and thinking somehow they can fucking help me achieve something I want.) There are also people who fight their urge and wish to whip people into shape, and fear they’re breaking some moral rule, feeling that way.

You all need to meet up. If you only want to please ONE PERSON, your leader/boss/friend you’re a Dog Type Thinker, and if you really want people to worship the ground you walk on, you’re a Dog Type Thinking Alpha. An alpha dog. You guys do you.

I’ve got a different jam but I’ll try to help you all meet up, because, well, that’s the kind of shit Cat Type Thinking people do.

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Love whomever you love….

Despite my usual tone in my posts, I am not telling you to get rid of people who you love. I’m explaining to Cat Type Thinkers why it’s vital for them to not hang onto accessory relationships. The kind they have in order to gain approval or admiration from moral people. If you have friends who are there simply to flag your moral superiority or moral deeds in general, you are still hanging onto some false ego. You cannot use other people (like handicapped people, mentally challenged people, black people (same category, lol), uglier women than yourself or uglier than you truly find sexually attractive, etc) to make yourself look moral.

That said, if you truly love someone for whatever reason (maybe because they’re far sexier than anyone else, maybe, maybe you love someone butt ugly and stupid because they’re goofy and funny, I don’t know), whatever you love them for, love them as you do. Radical acceptance. No judgment on my part. If someone makes you happy by being there, and they feel the same way about you, all’s good. Let them run you to the ground if you feel they’re worth it.

Get rid of everyone who isn’t worth their shit to you, tho, and feel no judgment from me.

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Men with money: buy a wife, pay a whore.

Men with money - the difference between a wife and a whore...

Bear with me as I use the word ‘whore.’ 😀

Money is the biggest problem in relationships, as you may well know. The bigger your pay gap, the bigger the problem, perhaps. I’ve had nothing but money problems with my rich True Emotion Mirrors, and today, I finally hit the nail on the head: “You pay a whore, but you buy a wife!”

Payment is made to a temporary lover. A wife is supposed to be permanent. The wife is paid in flashy terms. “MINE.” A whore is paid discretely. Politely and with respect.

“As long as you wear MY dress.”

Another way we recently addressed this issue of me having money, too, was that we all realized that we don’t give gifts to each other; we’re married. No. “You wear MY suit, I wear YOUR dress.” You are mine; I am yours. I don’t give you anything; my possessions are my extension, and you live in me, and I live in you. As I wrap myself in the dress you own, I wrap your arm around me.

With the wrong person, this is icky. Disrespectful as it is, that’s just the thing: we LOVE IT when our true lover disrespects us. This is the difference between a true lover and a whore… Even if your true lover is officially your whore and your wife is truly the woman you merely pay.

If she, too, has money.

When your wife is equally wealthy (or wealthier than you) do you feel comfortable with that? Would you be happier, if you allowed her to buy you, too… To wrap you in extensions of herself?

It depends on how you want it.

Whether you pay or buy your wife is up to you, of course. The emotions you’ll experience will be very different with each. The reactions will be different. The woman you respect more should be your wife, but she isn’t always the one men respect more, is she?

Do you respect the woman for whom you pay more than the one you buy? That’s a question for you to answer.

It is related to this that I mean when I say: “A wife is often just a glorified whore.”

Figure it out.

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Interesting only by being in the way of your true interests.

interesting by being in the way

Some people are not interested in you until you have a goal, ambition, or focus. They won’t give a person a time of day until that person knows what (more) they want. Why? Now, you are distractable. You can be annoyed instead of entertained. All they have to do for your attention is to get in the way. Without an interest, they need to BE the interest, and there’s a high chance of being found out to be ordinary and boring.

When a person is interested in something else—work, a project, or another person—they are already alert and not bored. They don’t need entertainment; they’re engaged. Now, a person who is not entertaining, funny, philosophical, or helpful can get some good attention by just being in the way, distracting you from your work or your goal of finding true love.

Now, the only thing they need to have is thick skin and not go away.

These people don’t need anything but a thick skin to survive this game and to marry you. All they need to do is NOT to GO AWAY when you snap at them, not to take anything personally, and to always return for more conflict (that, to them, is merely the attention they seek). And a bonus: Give you some crazy sex that you can’t refuse to seal the deal.

It looks like interest in YOU, but they are attracted to the opportunity to steal attention from something “less interesting” than they are. They don’t care about who you are or what you’re into; they care about being able to steal your attention, which, to them, means you MUST love them. If you are 95% interested in work, and your attention shifts, you must be 100% interested in them… Even though how they get there is to just get in the way.

It’s kind of like how you love a fly or a mosquito in your wedding suite.

You, on the other hand, feel like they’re willing to suffer rejection and humiliation for you; they must really love you, right?

No, wrong. They don’t care about you. You and your true ambitions are there to bolster their false ego… But only if they think they are fighting for something they can’t truly have. And there’s a good chance you’re avoiding giving them attention or commitment because you’re just not interested. And THAT is what keeps them interested.

Therefore:

Give them what they want without a fight: Your undivided attention.

Now. There are many ways to get rid of them, but some of them can get people killed, so let’s not go there. Let’s do this instead: Be an easy catch… But under an NDA, if you have a reputation to protect.

After they’ve chased you for a while, and you’ve rejected them a few times, eventually turn 180 and go “all in.” Let them have their date. During this date, please give them your undivided attention, but do it in a way that will put them on the spot: Assume they’ll entertain you. They’ll have to prove themselves to be the one you want. Tell them as much: “Alright, you’ve got my attention. Show me you’re the one. Entertain me.”

When they say they thought you’d take them on a date, laugh and remind them who has been the one chasing who. “Oh no, honey, you’re obviously good at this stuff; I’m just a guy buried in work all the time; I don’t have time to think about dates; that’s your job.” If you’ve been openly dating, just tell your date. Obviously, you’re no good at them as you’re still at large, so it’s on your date to make a night out of it.

Don’t make it easy for them.

Then, don’t pretend to be having a good time. You may reward them for “good behavior” by openly enjoying yourself if you do and want to give them that. Otherwise, don’t make any effort to conceal your true feelings. They may take it for a game if you try to act too unimpressed. Acting hard to get or difficult to impress is an old pick-up strategy. That known, they may take it as a positive sign, not a negative.

At all times, try to have a real conversation about your companion, not about yourself or your possible shared interests rather than yourself. Ask honest questions, and don’t be afraid to hurt their feelings; maybe it will lead to something good. Such as “So what gives you the self-confidence to chase a man like me when you’re plus-sized and not very attractive otherwise? What am I missing?” (Or whatever else you honestly think.) And react authentically to what they respond. Don’t be afraid to be unimpressed. (If they mention commitment as their #1 asset, remind them that you’re actually a catch, and most people would find it very easy to commit to you, but it’s a lot harder for a person to convince you to do so.)

Why talking about them will work.

Obviously, if this is a person you “didn’t see,” letting them talk about themselves will give you a clearer idea of who they are. It’s possible (albeit honestly not very likely) that your actual true love is chasing you up and down, and you don’t notice. The likelihood is that this person is attracted to your distraction, not you.

If they are not the right one, making them talk about themselves will put them on the spot of having to be interesting to you. This is surprisingly difficult for an attention-hungry person to do. If they are the right one, they’ll get the opportunity to tell you as much. Direct the attention away from you if you’re famous because it’s easy to focus on your awesomeness. Don’t fall into the trap of how used to attention you are. “You know a lot more about me than I know about you. You talk.” Don’t let them solely focus on praising your work, either. Make them talk about themselves, not you.

Give them a real chance to impress you, but don’t pretend any of it. Don’t exaggerate your disinterest, nor your interest. Be as snarky and dismissive as you truly feel, but also give them every compliment you think they deserve. Make them feel like they are applying for a job from a neutral party.

When they finally storm out, telling you that it’s no wonder you’re not more popular with men/women, remind them they’re under an NDA, congratulate yourself on work well done, and go back to your life.

In general: When dating, be more interested than interesting.

If you’re anything like me, you try to get rid of people by showing a lack of interest rather than interest. This is like catnip to narcissists and rejection junkies, and ladder climbers. Instead, show constant interest, whether you’re interested in a person or not. If you only want to entertain and be the center of attention, you give the impression that’s all you want, and being “the right one” for you is super easy.

Instead, make people talk about themselves a lot more… And react to what they tell you authentically. Be more interested (in their ultimate humiliation) than interesting. That should get rid of the wannabes.

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Are celebrities more likely to be narcissistic than other people?

There is a persistent idea, that celebrities are almost systematically narcissistic. Ironically, this belief, I believe, comes from… Ehrm, narcissists. Let me back up a bit.

Firstly, trying to define what a narcissist actually is is hard enough, as the accusation of narcissism is often responded to with an accusation of narcissism, and backed up by a narcissist deflecting the accusation.

My best description of a narcissist is as follows:

  1. A person who uses any means necessary to manipulate a relationship into being (admire me and date/befriend me) and then attempts to force it to be life-long and co-dependent (fear me/pity me/help me (be better than others)).
  2. A person who would, upon accusing another person of narcissism, use that accusation as a reason why the assumed narcissist is obligated to continue the relationship with them. (A healthy person would never wish to remain in a relationship with a person they accuse of being a narcissist.)

A narcissist will always attempt to prove they are ideal, whatever their perceived ideal is

It is a false idea, that a narcissist will always wish to present themselves as a celebrity, talent, or some type of superior person. It depends on the group’s ideal what they will thrive to be seen as. If they are in a group of philosophers, they’ll attempt to pass for the number one most philosophical individual in the group. If they are with a bunch of habitual alcoholics, they will attempt to remind everyone how they have more reason than anyone else to complain and drink. When dealing with celebrities, the narcissist is more than likely the one who declares themselves too modest, too down to Earth, and too good for chasing such shallow pursuits as money and fame.

If you manage to CHANGE their idea of what is ideal, they will attempt to prove they match the description perfectly. If the public ideal changes, the narcissist will change along with it.

A narcissist is or thinks they are an inherently boring person

The main problem a narcissist feels is that they are thoroughly boring. The truth is that people often feel that they are the opposite of what they truly wish to be; a person who wants to be thought to be a brave person thinks they’re a coward, a person who wishes to be truly smart thinks they’re stupid, and a beautiful person will think of themselves ugly, because if you want to be a certain thing more than anything else, nothing seems to be enough in that regard to ANYONE, this is not a narcissistic trait.

It’s just that a narcissist thinks they’re boring because they want people to think of them as being interesting and engaging. Therefore, they turn out to be boring, as they INVENT interesting stories about themselves, and people get bored with the same end result; no matter how interesting they may seem, eventually, you will find out that the exciting trait about them turns out to be a lie, and that’s ultimately, thoroughly boring. They also never seem to think that the truth is interesting enough, so even though many of them are truly beautiful, talented, interesting people, to a narcissist, that is never enough and must be accompanied by idiotic lies and stories that eventually null their entire personality to nothing at all.

Celebrities, however, are often the opposite. TRUE celebrities are TRULY interesting to people. Some celebrities consciously try to play themselves down so that people would stop digging and thinking their lives to be SO interesting they are going through their trash just to find one more clue as to who they are as people.

The end game of a narcissist is to secure a life-long bond with another person

A narcissist truly doesn’t feel they are enough to convince anyone to stay with them for life. They fear abandonment and being alone. They do everything in their power to convince others to stay with them, but they truly believe they are too boring to be with. They see “being interesting” as the duty of someone who people want to be with, which is part of the deal, for sure, but not the whole thing.1

This starts by trying to make themselves seem admirable, ideal, and able to provide opportunities in life in both financial, romantic, and sexual. “Whatever you need, I can provide, you don’t really need anyone else. Focus your efforts on me.”

Then, they will gradually start reminding you exactly how dependent you are on their love and support, and how you can’t truly cope with the world without them. The more successful they are in this pursuit, the more strategies they employ to keep you hooked.

Very importantly to celebrities, a narcissist will attempt to hold something over your head: “If you leave me, I will reveal this to the media. If you come back, I will make it all go away. I can make it all go away.”

Narcissists like to control celebrities because having that link on your resume will get you anywhere even if the relationship with you fails.

To calm their own fears of abandonment, they will tell themselves in any way possible, that they know how to do relationships. They “win” relationships. They can CONTROL other people in their relationships, and outsider’s perspectives to those relationships.

To be a celebrity is a vulnerable position, but tempting to a narcissist

An A-list celebrity must take a lot of criticism and rejection during their career. They must take it from critics, fans, colleagues, friends, family, everyone, truly. As such, a narcissist is much more likely found among the critics than in the position of the celebrity. They are more likely the manager or agent than the celebrity. In such a position, they will be able to control the person, and that’s what a narcissist wants.

A narcissist is much more likely the celebrity’s spouse than the celebrity themselves, especially a long-term spouse of a celebrity, I may point out rather cynically. The admiration is easier to get, and the narcissist enjoys the position where they control the celebrity’s emotions and life. When a celebrity is also seen as the more likely cheater or likely to divorce, the narcissist is always able to blame them for all troubles in the marriage, hailing themselves a hero for putting up with their own position as your spouse.

A narcissistic flair-up

There are people who are USED TO being the most interesting person in the room. They BELIEVE it is THEIR JOB to be, too. They are often made into celebrities and don’t TRULY have narcissistic personality disorder. It’s just that when a person like that is put in the same room with a ton of OTHER very interesting people, and if they happen to genuinely ADMIRE some of them, a person like this will easily experience what I call a narcissistic flair-up. Suddenly they feel they are NOT being interesting enough, not talented enough, they are not truly doing their job that well, and they may start to unravel a little. But this is not a NARCISSIST we’re talking about, at least, not yet.

Everybody may have one or two people who makes them question their own status, and one might argue that a part of being a popularity contest winner, being a little narcissistic and competitive in being interesting, entertaining, and engaging is kind of a necessary trait… So is being a celebrity or a narcissist truly just a question of being good at being awesome and desperately wanting to be but failing?

The narcissist will target the weak link, the low-hanging fruit, and unbelievably, to many, this is a celebrity

The narcissist will look for whatever target they can to form a life-long permanent relationship with them through manipulation and force. They are not truly very fussy about who they’ll wind up with, and they don’t REALLY care whether they wind up with a celebrity or a habitual street drunk, as long as they’re with someone they can control.

Different narcissists know the buttons to press with different people. While some know drug dependency is a great way to control another person and keep them with you, others know how easy it is to manipulate a good person into their servant by DEMANDING they PROVE to you they’re a good person. Others rely on playing on the fear of exposure or public shaming, but whatever the angle, it is designed for the person they’re targeting.

If you don’t love me, you must be a psychopath

People tend to have conflicting emotions and ideas about themselves. While a narcissist rarely feels they are quite enough for ALL people to admire, they feel the desperate need to ensure THAT PARTICULAR PERSON, their permanent attachment MUST keep admiring them at all times. They feel that “this person is so far beneath me that they MUST LOVE ME”. They want to ensure that there is at least one person who they can truly count on to love them, and there is TWO ways to obtain this love:

  1. To convince another person they are beneath them.
  2. To acquire a person who has got the wish to be THE MOST LOVING person people know.

The narcissist will always play on these two points. “You are not above me, you’re NOT TOO GOOD to love me forever” and “if you don’t love me, you are not a good person. If you don’t love me, you are faulty and can’t love ANYBODY for reals!”

The final play: I am so pathetic you MUST forgive me!

The narcissist tends to try and convince how YOU are faulty in ways that should stop you from wanting to end the relationship with them. If you have actually managed to convince them that they are WORTHY OF BEING DUMPED due to how horrible person they are, they will pull out their final trump card: “But I was abused as a child”, “you can’t leave me/blame me because X”, “I am this way because *insert horror story here*”. They deflect the blame from themselves and try to make it seem that they had no control over the way they turned out and they’ll need you to extend yet another extra level of compassion and pity toward them.

These stories may or may not be real. They may have SOME relation to the truth but are more than likely exaggerated as much as is needed for a good effect.

A normal person can tell you harrowing life stories and not attempt to obligate you to prove to them that they can still trust humanity. They stand on their own two feet and deal with their own issues rather than dump them on you.

You tell me… Where do you see the majority of narcissists in your life?

 

  1. To be with someone for life, one of the most important traits is to be able to be calming and reassuring to another person. To be able to uplift a person during their times of trouble, to be able to listen, and to take part in another person’s fears and sorrows. Being interesting is for entertainers, but is only a small fraction of what makes for a permanent life partner. ↩

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Should celebrities date their own fans?

should Celebrities date their own fans

I absolutely believe celebrities should date their own fans. Not only would it be more fun for everybody, I believe it would boost their career further – there’s always that hope in a fan that maybe one day… To make it a slightly more realistic possibility… Wow. In addition, it would help to combat celebrity cat fishers. Let me explain how.

Cat fishers make it seem that you WANT TO date fans but are NOT ALLOWED TO.

Cat fishers play on the popular idea that celebrities are on a bit of a leash by their managers. Their “handlers,” as Johnny Depp sarcastically expresses it. This allows cat fishers to explain almost anything away: “I have to keep you a secret. I have to use a secret profile to do this. This is why I have to be discrete, my love. My life is made of secrets. I’m broke and a prisoner in a golden cage. I just want someone real. Help me.”

That explanation is a lot harder to believe if you make it clear that you date whomever you want.

Not dating your fans seems fake and controlled.

I personally don’t like it at all that celebrities would deliberately NOT date their fans. It seems like a huge waste of potential love for everybody.

I am also an advocate for polyamory, but that’s beside the point, a single monogamist should absolutely allow themselves to look beyond the barrier.

It looks childish to the adult onlooker to think that a celebrity would replace their parents with managers, and accept it like a teen ager “daddy doesn’t want me to date plebes.” It’s not a good look.

Every fan secretly wishes for a personal connection.

Sometimes, the fan wishes for a personal connection or dating their favorite celebrity secretly even from themselves.

I’m the biggest fan of Nuno Bettencourt, who is famously professional musician, no funny business whatsoever. And he’s drop dead gorgeous, even approaching 60.

 

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A post shared by Nuno (@nunobettencourtofficial)

As a fan, I was a very professional fan. No funny business, respecting his wishes to not be regarded as a sex symbol. Yet, when the news arrived that he’d gotten married, I found myself sink a little. And then I laughed at myself: “Ha, I knew it, you hypocrite. You absolutely thought ‘one day…’”

Heck. I still think “maybe one day…” 😀

Celebrities should date their own fans for their own good, more than anything.

If you are in any way ‘unavoidably famous’, there is absolutely 0 chance that your true love, your True Emotion Mirror is not a fan of yours. How could they not be? If you namely cut out your fans from your dating pool, you will, without any doubt, also cut out your True Emotion Mirrors from the potential partners you might wind up with.

That is the biggest, most obvious, most to-the-core true reason why celebrities should date their own fans.

Just avoid dating crazed fans. Date BIG fans, but not the crazed ones. 😀

Celebrities should date their own fans openly and publicly for maximum fun.

I honestly think celebrities should openly and publicly date their own fans whenever possible, for as long as possible. I don’t mean they should instantly commit to a fan, (or anybody else for that matter), or take it too seriously. Taking cute ones out on dates should absolutely be one of their favorite things to do. In fact, celebrities should swear not to commit to anyone lightly. Look for absolute true love, nothing short of it. Looking for TRUE LOVE should be fun and casual.  Non-committal until love hits.

You should keep your standards high. Very high before committing… And they should show an example to others while they’re at it. People take dating and committing as the same thing, which is dumb as.

Another, a more indirect way is to give your fans a hint. “I date at ZEN METAL Wanted on Second Life, but I won’t tell you my avatar’s name.” Or “I am a member of the Carnal Elite.” Plugity-plug. 😉

 

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Celebrity’s true love is certainly talented but perhaps not famous.

Talented but not famous

If you became famous in your 20s, it may be difficult to understand why your equal, someone just as smart (or smarter), just as good-looking (or better looking), or just as talented (or more so), isn’t famous. I can give you a number of reasons, and “luck” plays a little part in that. A celebrity’s True Emotion Mirror might be talented but not famous. They’re equally talented as the celebrity themselves for certain; fame is not certain.

Showing maturity and modesty at a young age may leave a talented person without fame.

Youth is made for the young, and sometimes it is wasted on the young. Some youngster’s youth may make them act maturely at a young age and make “mature” decisions against their own self. This means that they may not awaken to the reality that they’ve wasted chances and opportunities until much later in life. They’ve potentially gotten themselves stuck into relationships and families they can’t just shake now, living with responsibilities that they didn’t have in their 20’s.

Teenagers and twenty-somethings should rush to pursue their dreams quite shamelessly because it’ll be a lot less socially acceptable in your 30’s or 40’s. It starts to become OK again at 60, but it may not be nearly as fun to do anymore.

Not a risk taker, or respectful of their parent’s worry.

Lots of people, women especially, are less willing to take big risks to find fame. Instead of risking homelessness in a big city, they may seek fame remotely, but it’s a lot harder to do – and was even more so before the Internet.

No connections. No luck. Talent. No fame.

“It’s not what you know is who you know” is one of the truest cliché’s. Without connections to the right people it is very difficult to find anyone to appreciate your talent or help you forward with it.

Without connections, you’ll have to rely on luck – or be so pushy and disrespectful toward everybody that you push open doors that are not opened for you… But it maybe so that you’re so far from these circles that you can’t even get to a door to push it open.

This is probably the biggest reason for someone to be talented but not famous for it.

USA and Internationals

Fame is deeply linked with USA, I think we all internationally agree. Americans like to ignore the rest of the world a lot. There is some amazing talent outside the US, but US likes to ignore it.

There is no saying your True Emotion Mirror is an American.

Different focus on honing talent

Different places also treat raw talent differently. Where many American schools have performing art programs, many other schools and countries do not. While music and art programs may exist, their focus is a lot less commercial or performative than in American schools.

Also, US is notoriously different in NOT having a tall poppy syndrome to speak of. Americans LOVE their ‘tall poppys’ where other countries discourage “attention seeking and showiness.”

Success is different

Where US pushes people to succeed, elsewhere the focus is on creating a family and making a living. Anything else is seen as some type of a negative. Success is more accidental than an actual calculated pursuit.

Intelligence in other countries is often pushed toward academia rather than performance arts, too. Therefore, celebrity is not as universally admired nor supported as it is in the US. That said, it’s also not as competed over, therefore becoming famous in another country other than the US is not seen as much of an achievement, it’s often almost a volunteer job. 😀

Fear of running out of time before reaching fame

Sometimes the distance from where you are at now and where you want to go seems like an unachievable task. You’ll have to have trust in all kinds of miracles sometimes to breach the cap. Many decide not to even try, knowing that the effort is more than realistically wasted, regardless of how talented they may be.

Ambition and realism are also a horrifying combination. If you know you won’t be satisfied with national fame, but you can’t see yourself reaching international fame, you’ll more than likely give up without trying.

And eventually, you’ll find other distractions and comfort.

Life happens even when you’re not trying too hard. Eventually, people find something to distract themselves with. People, jobs, kids, romantic partners, even if not perfect, they’re something.

A smart person will find something to keep their mind busy, and it doesn’t have to be in any way productive to work as a distraction, either.

 

 

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Star-struck or in love? Unique problems in celebrity relationships.

Is your girlfriend star struck or in love with you?

Being a celebrity has a lot of perks, but there’s also the downsides. One of them is that celebrities are exciting. Knowing whether someone is simply star-struck or in love with you must be difficult. The fact you’re a celebrity can blind people from the fact they don’t necessarily love you… Just the stardom. It can be simply too tempting to get serious with a celebrity, to see if true love might ignite… Or simply lose focus on love completely and focus on the luxurious setting for the romance. People are people.

It is perhaps difficult to understand from your perspective how flattering it must be to get any attention from a celebrity. The bigger the star, the more tempting it would be to blind oneself from little issues like missing love. It’s a fairytale romance minus love. You shouldn’t take it personally but learn to notice the signs of love that are superficial.

First of all, stop accepting “realistic” expectations for the right expectations.

You have potentially millions of fans. It is entirely realistic to assume that among those millions, one or two would be perfect for you, don’t you think?

I would can the advice of not dating your fans – although I understand where that advice comes from, it is not great advice. Your True Emotion Mirror, your ultimate soulmate, that is, has got to be one of your fans. The more famous you are, the less likely it is that your TrEmoR does not consider themselves some level of a fan.

Dating fans is a bad idea when the fans are completely star-struck and blinded to who you are, and who are so hyped about even the sight of you that they cannot truly see the true you. Your True Emotion Mirror, however, although they won’t be immune to your stardom either, and will definitely wonder whether they’re star-struck or in love with you, won’t be completely blinded by your stardom. They’ll get used to it fast, too. Your True Emotion Mirror is your natural equal, even if they are not technically anywhere near your status.

It is not normal for a person in love with you to be constantly impressed by you.

Your True Emotion Mirror, your true soulmate that is, will be impressed by your success, yes. What they won’t be, however, is overly excited about it. They’re used to you. They might be excited to find YOU again, but your success is familiar to them – this is not your first rodeo. They know you’re amazing, and they’re the second most accustomed to the sight of you – second only to you.

Where everyone else is gasping, your True Emotion Mirror takes your success as a bit of a given. They may even push you further if they know you usually reach even higher heights. They may know that they’re the missing factor in your success, too.

It is not normal for a your soul-bond lover to be working for you for long.

The Universe may use business and work as a means to get you back together, but it is not normal for your true lover to want to “pay you” for the relationship by attempting to work for you all the time.

When I say “attempting to work” I really mean exactly that. I have coined a concept of “staff spouse” which means a person who KNOWS they’re not right for you but they’re trying to compensate for the lack of chemistry by being useful to you. They may also think you’re impractical and NEED their help and assistance, when you feel the stuff they do really belongs to a paid staff member.

Your True Emotion Mirror is your intellectual and creative equal. You will easily work together, but they shouldn’t be working FOR YOU unless it’s for some practical reason like taxation where their true relationship with you is your true equal and YOU feel that to be true, rather than a nice idealistic sentiment.

They flatter the wrong things about you.

Your True Emotion Mirror is very good at flattering the things about you that you’re the most proud of because their value system is the same as yours. The wrong lover will flatter the wrong things and focus on the wrong things. Their focus may be very much on the assets, stuff and status. They may even insult you assuming you’re one way when truly you’re different way. You may feel “how could they think that about me” when they’re trying to pay you a compliment.

A person who is rather star-struck than in love with you will try to find reasons to love you, but they’re not really hitting the mark.

The Modern and the Timeless.

The Timeless thinker and Modern thinker often wind up together in all areas of life. The reason being that their way of thinking is SO DIFFERENT than they take rejection for a come on. Where the Timeless tries to discourage, they wind up exciting and so forth. A Timeless, who loves people for their strenghts may try to turn the Modern off themselves by pointing out their weaknesses. This, to a Modern is basically a proposal: “I need you, you see I’m no good without you…”

The Modern and Timeless pairing is inherently incompatible. The Modern tries to become a new parent while the Timeless is wishing for a sexy romance that will last a lifetime.

Nature leads us to the right one by pure animal lust.

Sure, you’ve had some fleeting romances based on lust before, maybe, but nature leads us to the right one by lasting animalistic lust. While lust maybe there for a time when it isn’t love, one thing is certain: if lust isn’t there (for good), it isn’t love at all.

Find the source of the uncomfortable thought.

When you’re trying to figure out if your new potential partner is star-struck or in love with you, it is a very good idea to dig into the source of the uncomfortable thought. It is, in fact a good idea in all situations. Whenever you find yourself unwilling or embarrassed to think about something, treat it like the X that marks the spot on a treasure map. That’s where you dig.

True love feels exciting but comfortable. Fake love feels uncomfortable, forced… and boring.

 

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Perfectionist dating dynamics create unique pick up problems

high attractiveness create unique perfectionist dating dynamics

Have you ever observed how people with low IQ are not quite aware that they have a low IQ? The same applies to people’s attractiveness, which creates an interesting perfectionist dating dynamics for the unusually attractive, celebrities for certain. The not quite Top Notch people tend to have an unrealistic level of self-confidence. The reason being that they know that by chasing people, by love bombing the super attractive, they get the results. Super hot people do not need to chase, they get chased. When two of these meet, neither knows what they’re supposed to do next.

Let me explain properly.

You think it’s a male/female thing to chase. It isn’t. The inferior chases, their gender is irrelevant.

It is the natural instinct of a human being to try and date up. This is true until you get to the top. At the top, the chasing stops, and the questioning starts: “Do I belong with those people or the notch down?” When you can’t identify your superiors, you’ll start doubting your sanity. This creates unique perfectionist dating dynamics.

The slightly down from here will be reassured by returned attention from the Top Tier. “OK, they’re interested, therefore, I must be one of them.” This is unfortunately not an indication of equality however, but the fact the Top Tier is used to getting their sex partners delivered to the door. And when the other Top Tiers don’t chase them, they assume they’re not that interested because anyone looking like that should know they can have anyone they want…. But they just don’t. They know that at this level, the Yes and No is a matter of a nuance. They also know that at this level, everyone is looking for the absolute perfection, not a 9.8.

Full 10’s Maybe an 8 -syndrome.

Full 10’s often suffer from what I have jokingly named the Maybe an 8 -syndrome. It is a “condition” that tells a perfectionist to remain humble and modest. So their internal dialogue goes something like: “I think I’m a 10, but realistically, probably 9, maybe an 8.” Modesty is required for a full 10 to be a full 10, and as such, they can’t rate themselves a full 10.

What they’ll do though, is rate their equals a full 10 without a second thought.

This means, when they get face-to-face with their authentic counterpart, their True Emotion Mirror, they figure “well men make the first move” or “women make the first move” or “men/women will make the final call” so they’re both acting out of usual experience: the inferior chases, and they wind up waiting for the other to call it. The other Full 10 won’t make bold moves without encouragement.

Both of them would feel rather awkward being too hands on with another person. They also feel scared of being the inferior in this case. They know how easy it is for a person to be coaxed into an easy relationship – they can get coaxed by easily available themselves. Therefore, they want to avoid winding up being the not quite wanted -party in the relationship and not chase.

Full 10s have to meet each other half way.

There is really no other way around it: Full 10s have to meet each other half way in relationships. Playing hard-to-get and fake rejection games will only ever work on narcissists. Narcissists cannot be Full 10’s by the humility clause. If you want a Full 10 partner and you are one, you must be brave enough to answer a “hi” with a “hi” and “I like you” with an “I like you” (if you do.)

If you don’t do this, you’ll wind up with a climber/narcissist. Only a narcissistic person has the “self-confidence” to chase a Full 10 down the aisle. That, in turn, gives some people the false idea that physically attractive people are always narcissistic. That’s all there is to it.