Blog

Posted on

Interesting only by being in the way of your true interests.

interesting by being in the way

Some people are not interested in you until you have a goal, ambition, or focus. They won’t give a person a time of day until that person knows what (more) they want. Why? Now, you are distractable. You can be annoyed instead of entertained. All they have to do for your attention is to get in the way. Without an interest, they need to BE the interest, and there’s a high chance of being found out to be ordinary and boring.

When a person is interested in something else—work, a project, or another person—they are already alert and not bored. They don’t need entertainment; they’re engaged. Now, a person who is not entertaining, funny, philosophical, or helpful can get some good attention by just being in the way, distracting you from your work or your goal of finding true love.

Now, the only thing they need to have is thick skin and not go away.

These people don’t need anything but a thick skin to survive this game and to marry you. All they need to do is NOT to GO AWAY when you snap at them, not to take anything personally, and to always return for more conflict (that, to them, is merely the attention they seek). And a bonus: Give you some crazy sex that you can’t refuse to seal the deal.

It looks like interest in YOU, but they are attracted to the opportunity to steal attention from something “less interesting” than they are. They don’t care about who you are or what you’re into; they care about being able to steal your attention, which, to them, means you MUST love them. If you are 95% interested in work, and your attention shifts, you must be 100% interested in them… Even though how they get there is to just get in the way.

It’s kind of like how you love a fly or a mosquito in your wedding suite.

You, on the other hand, feel like they’re willing to suffer rejection and humiliation for you; they must really love you, right?

No, wrong. They don’t care about you. You and your true ambitions are there to bolster their false ego… But only if they think they are fighting for something they can’t truly have. And there’s a good chance you’re avoiding giving them attention or commitment because you’re just not interested. And THAT is what keeps them interested.

Therefore:

Give them what they want without a fight: Your undivided attention.

Now. There are many ways to get rid of them, but some of them can get people killed, so let’s not go there. Let’s do this instead: Be an easy catch… But under an NDA, if you have a reputation to protect.

After they’ve chased you for a while, and you’ve rejected them a few times, eventually turn 180 and go “all in.” Let them have their date. During this date, please give them your undivided attention, but do it in a way that will put them on the spot: Assume they’ll entertain you. They’ll have to prove themselves to be the one you want. Tell them as much: “Alright, you’ve got my attention. Show me you’re the one. Entertain me.”

When they say they thought you’d take them on a date, laugh and remind them who has been the one chasing who. “Oh no, honey, you’re obviously good at this stuff; I’m just a guy buried in work all the time; I don’t have time to think about dates; that’s your job.” If you’ve been openly dating, just tell your date. Obviously, you’re no good at them as you’re still at large, so it’s on your date to make a night out of it.

Don’t make it easy for them.

Then, don’t pretend to be having a good time. You may reward them for “good behavior” by openly enjoying yourself if you do and want to give them that. Otherwise, don’t make any effort to conceal your true feelings. They may take it for a game if you try to act too unimpressed. Acting hard to get or difficult to impress is an old pick-up strategy. That known, they may take it as a positive sign, not a negative.

At all times, try to have a real conversation about your companion, not about yourself or your possible shared interests rather than yourself. Ask honest questions, and don’t be afraid to hurt their feelings; maybe it will lead to something good. Such as “So what gives you the self-confidence to chase a man like me when you’re plus-sized and not very attractive otherwise? What am I missing?” (Or whatever else you honestly think.) And react authentically to what they respond. Don’t be afraid to be unimpressed. (If they mention commitment as their #1 asset, remind them that you’re actually a catch, and most people would find it very easy to commit to you, but it’s a lot harder for a person to convince you to do so.)

Why talking about them will work.

Obviously, if this is a person you “didn’t see,” letting them talk about themselves will give you a clearer idea of who they are. It’s possible (albeit honestly not very likely) that your actual true love is chasing you up and down, and you don’t notice. The likelihood is that this person is attracted to your distraction, not you.

If they are not the right one, making them talk about themselves will put them on the spot of having to be interesting to you. This is surprisingly difficult for an attention-hungry person to do. If they are the right one, they’ll get the opportunity to tell you as much. Direct the attention away from you if you’re famous because it’s easy to focus on your awesomeness. Don’t fall into the trap of how used to attention you are. “You know a lot more about me than I know about you. You talk.” Don’t let them solely focus on praising your work, either. Make them talk about themselves, not you.

Give them a real chance to impress you, but don’t pretend any of it. Don’t exaggerate your disinterest, nor your interest. Be as snarky and dismissive as you truly feel, but also give them every compliment you think they deserve. Make them feel like they are applying for a job from a neutral party.

When they finally storm out, telling you that it’s no wonder you’re not more popular with men/women, remind them they’re under an NDA, congratulate yourself on work well done, and go back to your life.

In general: When dating, be more interested than interesting.

If you’re anything like me, you try to get rid of people by showing a lack of interest rather than interest. This is like catnip to narcissists and rejection junkies, and ladder climbers. Instead, show constant interest, whether you’re interested in a person or not. If you only want to entertain and be the center of attention, you give the impression that’s all you want, and being “the right one” for you is super easy.

Instead, make people talk about themselves a lot more… And react to what they tell you authentically. Be more interested (in their ultimate humiliation) than interesting. That should get rid of the wannabes.

Posted on

Are celebrities more likely to be narcissistic than other people?

There is a persistent idea, that celebrities are almost systematically narcissistic. Ironically, this belief, I believe, comes from… Ehrm, narcissists. Let me back up a bit.

Firstly, trying to define what a narcissist actually is is hard enough, as the accusation of narcissism is often responded to with an accusation of narcissism, and backed up by a narcissist deflecting the accusation.

My best description of a narcissist is as follows:

  1. A person who uses any means necessary to manipulate a relationship into being (admire me and date/befriend me) and then attempts to force it to be life-long and co-dependent (fear me/pity me/help me (be better than others)).
  2. A person who would, upon accusing another person of narcissism, use that accusation as a reason why the assumed narcissist is obligated to continue the relationship with them. (A healthy person would never wish to remain in a relationship with a person they accuse of being a narcissist.)

A narcissist will always attempt to prove they are ideal, whatever their perceived ideal is

It is a false idea, that a narcissist will always wish to present themselves as a celebrity, talent, or some type of superior person. It depends on the group’s ideal what they will thrive to be seen as. If they are in a group of philosophers, they’ll attempt to pass for the number one most philosophical individual in the group. If they are with a bunch of habitual alcoholics, they will attempt to remind everyone how they have more reason than anyone else to complain and drink. When dealing with celebrities, the narcissist is more than likely the one who declares themselves too modest, too down to Earth, and too good for chasing such shallow pursuits as money and fame.

If you manage to CHANGE their idea of what is ideal, they will attempt to prove they match the description perfectly. If the public ideal changes, the narcissist will change along with it.

A narcissist is or thinks they are an inherently boring person

The main problem a narcissist feels is that they are thoroughly boring. The truth is that people often feel that they are the opposite of what they truly wish to be; a person who wants to be thought to be a brave person thinks they’re a coward, a person who wishes to be truly smart thinks they’re stupid, and a beautiful person will think of themselves ugly, because if you want to be a certain thing more than anything else, nothing seems to be enough in that regard to ANYONE, this is not a narcissistic trait.

It’s just that a narcissist thinks they’re boring because they want people to think of them as being interesting and engaging. Therefore, they turn out to be boring, as they INVENT interesting stories about themselves, and people get bored with the same end result; no matter how interesting they may seem, eventually, you will find out that the exciting trait about them turns out to be a lie, and that’s ultimately, thoroughly boring. They also never seem to think that the truth is interesting enough, so even though many of them are truly beautiful, talented, interesting people, to a narcissist, that is never enough and must be accompanied by idiotic lies and stories that eventually null their entire personality to nothing at all.

Celebrities, however, are often the opposite. TRUE celebrities are TRULY interesting to people. Some celebrities consciously try to play themselves down so that people would stop digging and thinking their lives to be SO interesting they are going through their trash just to find one more clue as to who they are as people.

The end game of a narcissist is to secure a life-long bond with another person

A narcissist truly doesn’t feel they are enough to convince anyone to stay with them for life. They fear abandonment and being alone. They do everything in their power to convince others to stay with them, but they truly believe they are too boring to be with. They see “being interesting” as the duty of someone who people want to be with, which is part of the deal, for sure, but not the whole thing.1

This starts by trying to make themselves seem admirable, ideal, and able to provide opportunities in life in both financial, romantic, and sexual. “Whatever you need, I can provide, you don’t really need anyone else. Focus your efforts on me.”

Then, they will gradually start reminding you exactly how dependent you are on their love and support, and how you can’t truly cope with the world without them. The more successful they are in this pursuit, the more strategies they employ to keep you hooked.

Very importantly to celebrities, a narcissist will attempt to hold something over your head: “If you leave me, I will reveal this to the media. If you come back, I will make it all go away. I can make it all go away.”

Narcissists like to control celebrities because having that link on your resume will get you anywhere even if the relationship with you fails.

To calm their own fears of abandonment, they will tell themselves in any way possible, that they know how to do relationships. They “win” relationships. They can CONTROL other people in their relationships, and outsider’s perspectives to those relationships.

To be a celebrity is a vulnerable position, but tempting to a narcissist

An A-list celebrity must take a lot of criticism and rejection during their career. They must take it from critics, fans, colleagues, friends, family, everyone, truly. As such, a narcissist is much more likely found among the critics than in the position of the celebrity. They are more likely the manager or agent than the celebrity. In such a position, they will be able to control the person, and that’s what a narcissist wants.

A narcissist is much more likely the celebrity’s spouse than the celebrity themselves, especially a long-term spouse of a celebrity, I may point out rather cynically. The admiration is easier to get, and the narcissist enjoys the position where they control the celebrity’s emotions and life. When a celebrity is also seen as the more likely cheater or likely to divorce, the narcissist is always able to blame them for all troubles in the marriage, hailing themselves a hero for putting up with their own position as your spouse.

A narcissistic flair-up

There are people who are USED TO being the most interesting person in the room. They BELIEVE it is THEIR JOB to be, too. They are often made into celebrities and don’t TRULY have narcissistic personality disorder. It’s just that when a person like that is put in the same room with a ton of OTHER very interesting people, and if they happen to genuinely ADMIRE some of them, a person like this will easily experience what I call a narcissistic flair-up. Suddenly they feel they are NOT being interesting enough, not talented enough, they are not truly doing their job that well, and they may start to unravel a little. But this is not a NARCISSIST we’re talking about, at least, not yet.

Everybody may have one or two people who makes them question their own status, and one might argue that a part of being a popularity contest winner, being a little narcissistic and competitive in being interesting, entertaining, and engaging is kind of a necessary trait… So is being a celebrity or a narcissist truly just a question of being good at being awesome and desperately wanting to be but failing?

The narcissist will target the weak link, the low-hanging fruit, and unbelievably, to many, this is a celebrity

The narcissist will look for whatever target they can to form a life-long permanent relationship with them through manipulation and force. They are not truly very fussy about who they’ll wind up with, and they don’t REALLY care whether they wind up with a celebrity or a habitual street drunk, as long as they’re with someone they can control.

Different narcissists know the buttons to press with different people. While some know drug dependency is a great way to control another person and keep them with you, others know how easy it is to manipulate a good person into their servant by DEMANDING they PROVE to you they’re a good person. Others rely on playing on the fear of exposure or public shaming, but whatever the angle, it is designed for the person they’re targeting.

If you don’t love me, you must be a psychopath

People tend to have conflicting emotions and ideas about themselves. While a narcissist rarely feels they are quite enough for ALL people to admire, they feel the desperate need to ensure THAT PARTICULAR PERSON, their permanent attachment MUST keep admiring them at all times. They feel that “this person is so far beneath me that they MUST LOVE ME”. They want to ensure that there is at least one person who they can truly count on to love them, and there is TWO ways to obtain this love:

  1. To convince another person they are beneath them.
  2. To acquire a person who has got the wish to be THE MOST LOVING person people know.

The narcissist will always play on these two points. “You are not above me, you’re NOT TOO GOOD to love me forever” and “if you don’t love me, you are not a good person. If you don’t love me, you are faulty and can’t love ANYBODY for reals!”

The final play: I am so pathetic you MUST forgive me!

The narcissist tends to try and convince how YOU are faulty in ways that should stop you from wanting to end the relationship with them. If you have actually managed to convince them that they are WORTHY OF BEING DUMPED due to how horrible person they are, they will pull out their final trump card: “But I was abused as a child”, “you can’t leave me/blame me because X”, “I am this way because *insert horror story here*”. They deflect the blame from themselves and try to make it seem that they had no control over the way they turned out and they’ll need you to extend yet another extra level of compassion and pity toward them.

These stories may or may not be real. They may have SOME relation to the truth but are more than likely exaggerated as much as is needed for a good effect.

A normal person can tell you harrowing life stories and not attempt to obligate you to prove to them that they can still trust humanity. They stand on their own two feet and deal with their own issues rather than dump them on you.

You tell me… Where do you see the majority of narcissists in your life?

 

  1. To be with someone for life, one of the most important traits is to be able to be calming and reassuring to another person. To be able to uplift a person during their times of trouble, to be able to listen, and to take part in another person’s fears and sorrows. Being interesting is for entertainers, but is only a small fraction of what makes for a permanent life partner. ↩

Posted on

Should celebrities date their own fans?

should Celebrities date their own fans

I absolutely believe celebrities should date their own fans. Not only would it be more fun for everybody, I believe it would boost their career further – there’s always that hope in a fan that maybe one day… To make it a slightly more realistic possibility… Wow. In addition, it would help to combat celebrity cat fishers. Let me explain how.

Cat fishers make it seem that you WANT TO date fans but are NOT ALLOWED TO.

Cat fishers play on the popular idea that celebrities are on a bit of a leash by their managers. Their “handlers,” as Johnny Depp sarcastically expresses it. This allows cat fishers to explain almost anything away: “I have to keep you a secret. I have to use a secret profile to do this. This is why I have to be discrete, my love. My life is made of secrets. I’m broke and a prisoner in a golden cage. I just want someone real. Help me.”

That explanation is a lot harder to believe if you make it clear that you date whomever you want.

Not dating your fans seems fake and controlled.

I personally don’t like it at all that celebrities would deliberately NOT date their fans. It seems like a huge waste of potential love for everybody.

I am also an advocate for polyamory, but that’s beside the point, a single monogamist should absolutely allow themselves to look beyond the barrier.

It looks childish to the adult onlooker to think that a celebrity would replace their parents with managers, and accept it like a teen ager “daddy doesn’t want me to date plebes.” It’s not a good look.

Every fan secretly wishes for a personal connection.

Sometimes, the fan wishes for a personal connection or dating their favorite celebrity secretly even from themselves.

I’m the biggest fan of Nuno Bettencourt, who is famously professional musician, no funny business whatsoever. And he’s drop dead gorgeous, even approaching 60.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Nuno (@nunobettencourtofficial)

As a fan, I was a very professional fan. No funny business, respecting his wishes to not be regarded as a sex symbol. Yet, when the news arrived that he’d gotten married, I found myself sink a little. And then I laughed at myself: “Ha, I knew it, you hypocrite. You absolutely thought ‘one day…’”

Heck. I still think “maybe one day…” 😀

Celebrities should date their own fans for their own good, more than anything.

If you are in any way ‘unavoidably famous’, there is absolutely 0 chance that your true love, your True Emotion Mirror is not a fan of yours. How could they not be? If you namely cut out your fans from your dating pool, you will, without any doubt, also cut out your True Emotion Mirrors from the potential partners you might wind up with.

That is the biggest, most obvious, most to-the-core true reason why celebrities should date their own fans.

Just avoid dating crazed fans. Date BIG fans, but not the crazed ones. 😀

Celebrities should date their own fans openly and publicly for maximum fun.

I honestly think celebrities should openly and publicly date their own fans whenever possible, for as long as possible. I don’t mean they should instantly commit to a fan, (or anybody else for that matter), or take it too seriously. Taking cute ones out on dates should absolutely be one of their favorite things to do. In fact, celebrities should swear not to commit to anyone lightly. Look for absolute true love, nothing short of it. Looking for TRUE LOVE should be fun and casual.  Non-committal until love hits.

You should keep your standards high. Very high before committing… And they should show an example to others while they’re at it. People take dating and committing as the same thing, which is dumb as.

Another, a more indirect way is to give your fans a hint. “I date at ZEN METAL Wanted on Second Life, but I won’t tell you my avatar’s name.” Or “I am a member of the Carnal Elite.” Plugity-plug. 😉

 

Posted on

Celebrity’s true love is certainly talented but perhaps not famous.

Talented but not famous

If you became famous in your 20s, it may be difficult to understand why your equal, someone just as smart (or smarter), just as good-looking (or better looking), or just as talented (or more so), isn’t famous. I can give you a number of reasons, and “luck” plays a little part in that. A celebrity’s True Emotion Mirror might be talented but not famous. They’re equally talented as the celebrity themselves for certain; fame is not certain.

Showing maturity and modesty at a young age may leave a talented person without fame.

Youth is made for the young, and sometimes it is wasted on the young. Some youngster’s youth may make them act maturely at a young age and make “mature” decisions against their own self. This means that they may not awaken to the reality that they’ve wasted chances and opportunities until much later in life. They’ve potentially gotten themselves stuck into relationships and families they can’t just shake now, living with responsibilities that they didn’t have in their 20’s.

Teenagers and twenty-somethings should rush to pursue their dreams quite shamelessly because it’ll be a lot less socially acceptable in your 30’s or 40’s. It starts to become OK again at 60, but it may not be nearly as fun to do anymore.

Not a risk taker, or respectful of their parent’s worry.

Lots of people, women especially, are less willing to take big risks to find fame. Instead of risking homelessness in a big city, they may seek fame remotely, but it’s a lot harder to do – and was even more so before the Internet.

No connections. No luck. Talent. No fame.

“It’s not what you know is who you know” is one of the truest cliché’s. Without connections to the right people it is very difficult to find anyone to appreciate your talent or help you forward with it.

Without connections, you’ll have to rely on luck – or be so pushy and disrespectful toward everybody that you push open doors that are not opened for you… But it maybe so that you’re so far from these circles that you can’t even get to a door to push it open.

This is probably the biggest reason for someone to be talented but not famous for it.

USA and Internationals

Fame is deeply linked with USA, I think we all internationally agree. Americans like to ignore the rest of the world a lot. There is some amazing talent outside the US, but US likes to ignore it.

There is no saying your True Emotion Mirror is an American.

Different focus on honing talent

Different places also treat raw talent differently. Where many American schools have performing art programs, many other schools and countries do not. While music and art programs may exist, their focus is a lot less commercial or performative than in American schools.

Also, US is notoriously different in NOT having a tall poppy syndrome to speak of. Americans LOVE their ‘tall poppys’ where other countries discourage “attention seeking and showiness.”

Success is different

Where US pushes people to succeed, elsewhere the focus is on creating a family and making a living. Anything else is seen as some type of a negative. Success is more accidental than an actual calculated pursuit.

Intelligence in other countries is often pushed toward academia rather than performance arts, too. Therefore, celebrity is not as universally admired nor supported as it is in the US. That said, it’s also not as competed over, therefore becoming famous in another country other than the US is not seen as much of an achievement, it’s often almost a volunteer job. 😀

Fear of running out of time before reaching fame

Sometimes the distance from where you are at now and where you want to go seems like an unachievable task. You’ll have to have trust in all kinds of miracles sometimes to breach the cap. Many decide not to even try, knowing that the effort is more than realistically wasted, regardless of how talented they may be.

Ambition and realism are also a horrifying combination. If you know you won’t be satisfied with national fame, but you can’t see yourself reaching international fame, you’ll more than likely give up without trying.

And eventually, you’ll find other distractions and comfort.

Life happens even when you’re not trying too hard. Eventually, people find something to distract themselves with. People, jobs, kids, romantic partners, even if not perfect, they’re something.

A smart person will find something to keep their mind busy, and it doesn’t have to be in any way productive to work as a distraction, either.

 

 

Posted on

Star-struck or in love? Unique problems in celebrity relationships.

Is your girlfriend star struck or in love with you?

Being a celebrity has a lot of perks, but there’s also the downsides. One of them is that celebrities are exciting. Knowing whether someone is simply star-struck or in love with you must be difficult. The fact you’re a celebrity can blind people from the fact they don’t necessarily love you… Just the stardom. It can be simply too tempting to get serious with a celebrity, to see if true love might ignite… Or simply lose focus on love completely and focus on the luxurious setting for the romance. People are people.

It is perhaps difficult to understand from your perspective how flattering it must be to get any attention from a celebrity. The bigger the star, the more tempting it would be to blind oneself from little issues like missing love. It’s a fairytale romance minus love. You shouldn’t take it personally but learn to notice the signs of love that are superficial.

First of all, stop accepting “realistic” expectations for the right expectations.

You have potentially millions of fans. It is entirely realistic to assume that among those millions, one or two would be perfect for you, don’t you think?

I would can the advice of not dating your fans – although I understand where that advice comes from, it is not great advice. Your True Emotion Mirror, your ultimate soulmate, that is, has got to be one of your fans. The more famous you are, the less likely it is that your TrEmoR does not consider themselves some level of a fan.

Dating fans is a bad idea when the fans are completely star-struck and blinded to who you are, and who are so hyped about even the sight of you that they cannot truly see the true you. Your True Emotion Mirror, however, although they won’t be immune to your stardom either, and will definitely wonder whether they’re star-struck or in love with you, won’t be completely blinded by your stardom. They’ll get used to it fast, too. Your True Emotion Mirror is your natural equal, even if they are not technically anywhere near your status.

It is not normal for a person in love with you to be constantly impressed by you.

Your True Emotion Mirror, your true soulmate that is, will be impressed by your success, yes. What they won’t be, however, is overly excited about it. They’re used to you. They might be excited to find YOU again, but your success is familiar to them – this is not your first rodeo. They know you’re amazing, and they’re the second most accustomed to the sight of you – second only to you.

Where everyone else is gasping, your True Emotion Mirror takes your success as a bit of a given. They may even push you further if they know you usually reach even higher heights. They may know that they’re the missing factor in your success, too.

It is not normal for a your soul-bond lover to be working for you for long.

The Universe may use business and work as a means to get you back together, but it is not normal for your true lover to want to “pay you” for the relationship by attempting to work for you all the time.

When I say “attempting to work” I really mean exactly that. I have coined a concept of “staff spouse” which means a person who KNOWS they’re not right for you but they’re trying to compensate for the lack of chemistry by being useful to you. They may also think you’re impractical and NEED their help and assistance, when you feel the stuff they do really belongs to a paid staff member.

Your True Emotion Mirror is your intellectual and creative equal. You will easily work together, but they shouldn’t be working FOR YOU unless it’s for some practical reason like taxation where their true relationship with you is your true equal and YOU feel that to be true, rather than a nice idealistic sentiment.

They flatter the wrong things about you.

Your True Emotion Mirror is very good at flattering the things about you that you’re the most proud of because their value system is the same as yours. The wrong lover will flatter the wrong things and focus on the wrong things. Their focus may be very much on the assets, stuff and status. They may even insult you assuming you’re one way when truly you’re different way. You may feel “how could they think that about me” when they’re trying to pay you a compliment.

A person who is rather star-struck than in love with you will try to find reasons to love you, but they’re not really hitting the mark.

The Modern and the Timeless.

The Timeless thinker and Modern thinker often wind up together in all areas of life. The reason being that their way of thinking is SO DIFFERENT than they take rejection for a come on. Where the Timeless tries to discourage, they wind up exciting and so forth. A Timeless, who loves people for their strenghts may try to turn the Modern off themselves by pointing out their weaknesses. This, to a Modern is basically a proposal: “I need you, you see I’m no good without you…”

The Modern and Timeless pairing is inherently incompatible. The Modern tries to become a new parent while the Timeless is wishing for a sexy romance that will last a lifetime.

Nature leads us to the right one by pure animal lust.

Sure, you’ve had some fleeting romances based on lust before, maybe, but nature leads us to the right one by lasting animalistic lust. While lust maybe there for a time when it isn’t love, one thing is certain: if lust isn’t there (for good), it isn’t love at all.

Find the source of the uncomfortable thought.

When you’re trying to figure out if your new potential partner is star-struck or in love with you, it is a very good idea to dig into the source of the uncomfortable thought. It is, in fact a good idea in all situations. Whenever you find yourself unwilling or embarrassed to think about something, treat it like the X that marks the spot on a treasure map. That’s where you dig.

True love feels exciting but comfortable. Fake love feels uncomfortable, forced… and boring.

 

Posted on

Perfectionist dating dynamics create unique pick up problems

high attractiveness create unique perfectionist dating dynamics

Have you ever observed how people with low IQ are not quite aware that they have a low IQ? The same applies to people’s attractiveness, which creates an interesting perfectionist dating dynamics for the unusually attractive, celebrities for certain. The not quite Top Notch people tend to have an unrealistic level of self-confidence. The reason being that they know that by chasing people, by love bombing the super attractive, they get the results. Super hot people do not need to chase, they get chased. When two of these meet, neither knows what they’re supposed to do next.

Let me explain properly.

You think it’s a male/female thing to chase. It isn’t. The inferior chases, their gender is irrelevant.

It is the natural instinct of a human being to try and date up. This is true until you get to the top. At the top, the chasing stops, and the questioning starts: “Do I belong with those people or the notch down?” When you can’t identify your superiors, you’ll start doubting your sanity. This creates unique perfectionist dating dynamics.

The slightly down from here will be reassured by returned attention from the Top Tier. “OK, they’re interested, therefore, I must be one of them.” This is unfortunately not an indication of equality however, but the fact the Top Tier is used to getting their sex partners delivered to the door. And when the other Top Tiers don’t chase them, they assume they’re not that interested because anyone looking like that should know they can have anyone they want…. But they just don’t. They know that at this level, the Yes and No is a matter of a nuance. They also know that at this level, everyone is looking for the absolute perfection, not a 9.8.

Full 10’s Maybe an 8 -syndrome.

Full 10’s often suffer from what I have jokingly named the Maybe an 8 -syndrome. It is a “condition” that tells a perfectionist to remain humble and modest. So their internal dialogue goes something like: “I think I’m a 10, but realistically, probably 9, maybe an 8.” Modesty is required for a full 10 to be a full 10, and as such, they can’t rate themselves a full 10.

What they’ll do though, is rate their equals a full 10 without a second thought.

This means, when they get face-to-face with their authentic counterpart, their True Emotion Mirror, they figure “well men make the first move” or “women make the first move” or “men/women will make the final call” so they’re both acting out of usual experience: the inferior chases, and they wind up waiting for the other to call it. The other Full 10 won’t make bold moves without encouragement.

Both of them would feel rather awkward being too hands on with another person. They also feel scared of being the inferior in this case. They know how easy it is for a person to be coaxed into an easy relationship – they can get coaxed by easily available themselves. Therefore, they want to avoid winding up being the not quite wanted -party in the relationship and not chase.

Full 10s have to meet each other half way.

There is really no other way around it: Full 10s have to meet each other half way in relationships. Playing hard-to-get and fake rejection games will only ever work on narcissists. Narcissists cannot be Full 10’s by the humility clause. If you want a Full 10 partner and you are one, you must be brave enough to answer a “hi” with a “hi” and “I like you” with an “I like you” (if you do.)

If you don’t do this, you’ll wind up with a climber/narcissist. Only a narcissistic person has the “self-confidence” to chase a Full 10 down the aisle. That, in turn, gives some people the false idea that physically attractive people are always narcissistic. That’s all there is to it.

 

Posted on

Second Life as your new life sketch pad.

Redesign your real life with Second Life

If you haven’t heard of Second Life, you’re about 20-odd years late. It’s this hella cool but weird niche virtual world where people can create their own lives at. The tools are everything in digital form that you can throw at it, not just the building blocks they provide for you.

I am a real-life life coach, and decided to use the same strategies on myself as on others – or the other way around. I use Second Life as a sketch pad to redesign my real life from scratch. I invite you to join me in that.

Second Life is basically 3D Internet. You buy or rent a bit of land (web space) and start building what you want on it (web site). You can upload your own mesh, write your own scripts, bring your own images, textures, animations, and music, or buy stuff half- or ready-made from thousands of creators on the platform. It makes it messy, weird, and wonderful.

Also, Second Life is a 100% adult environment. As such, minors cannot join us (and I recommend you NOT TO make an exception with your kids even supervised even though it’ll look very innocent at times; I’ll explain later). It may be the last oasis for adults not to be slapped on the fingers for having a sex drive left on the Internet. Everyone will assume everyone on is an adult and address them accordingly.

Rules on top of rules – but they’re yours.

Linden Labs, the creator of Second Life is a full-blown anarchist company. Their idea of moderation is basically: “You’re an adult; deal and figure it out.” They don’t really give a fuck, and that’s the coolest thing. That is not to say that there are no rules on Second Life. There are plenty of rules; it’s just that they’re all rules for every sim(ulator) created by the individual residents on it. Also, these rules are often very sexy.

Have a look at the Second Life online map. That’s my sim there, where it says ZEN METAL. The map is pointed at the smallest of continents on Second Life, Gaeta V, and from there, you can find others. Have a look. Each different parcel is operated by a different person or a group. Each group has their own set of rules, their own way of doing things. The individual squares in far West are private islands that a resident can buy for themselves for some extra privacy if they don’t like dealing with their neighbors… Or just need more space for simultanous visitors.

 

My Sim

Personally, I’m rather looking for the perfect people than what stuff to surround myself with. Stuff is secondary, but I do build realistic scenes. To be honest, I’m dreaming of a life on board a cruise ship, but hey, first things first: People.

My sim is there as an initial HUB, it’ll be my people sorter. 😀 I’ve got some games already set for the purpose and planning for more. This sim will also stay that way but I’ll be building the ultimate sim with my… People, I hope, once I find these unicorns of mine. I have some temporary lodgings set up, but we’ll need a whole new sim eventually. <3

Create an account and get a Second Life viewer from Firestorm

I suggest you get an account right now.

Here’s the best part for those of you who are as broke as yours truly; it’s a free download, free account forever… But it knows how to get your money out of your pockets if you’re not careful. While you can survive there completely free, it is just weirdly fun to spend money (that you could use in a more adult way) on there. It’s just that the dollar-to-feel-good value is, to me at least, unbeatable.

I suggest you join and download yourself a viewer from FirestormViewer.org. This viewer is the crowd favorite. It’s like what Chrome is to Internet Explorer. Edge? You can join through SecondLife.com as well, obviously, but I’d skip the haste of installing the standard Second Life Viewer because you’ll switch over to FS eventually anyway… I’m sure.

You’ll choose a starter avatar to your liking, and then, you’ll customize it to your heart’s content later. This is me:

While you can be a dinosaur with a keyboard hand if you like, I am doing this to redesign my real life and to build a SL-to-RL community so I try to look as much as myself as possible. My tattoos are not realistic but other than that I’m pretty one-to-one.

Get yourself a starter avi. Then, head over to my sim’s newbie info box for orientation and wait for further instructions on how to redesign your life, hey?

Posted on

Narcissism in celebrities is a matter of opinion and perspective.

narcissism is a matter of opinion

Celebrities are often suspected and accused of narcissism. It is true that celebrity attracts narcissists. How and why is another question. I don’t think narcissism in celebrities is particularly common, however, but it’s simply easier to see.

The condition is tricky to diagnose, as its definition relies entirely on the diagnosing person’s own thinker type and IQ compared to the person they’re diagnosing. For clarity, I am not a psychologist, only a life coach. I call myself an unlicensed thinker with a knack for this – or a psycho-spiritual theorist if I try to sound adult.

As such a maverick thinker, I say narcissism is a matter of perspective. It is easy to tell which type has written any given psychological text about narcissism. We all have an innate annoyance toward specific ways of thinking. That annoying thinking is the other type’s way of thinking.

Two ways to see narcissism in celebrities.

The Timeless thinker sees narcissism as a need to control and force others into playing a role in making the narcissist (and their “extension people”) look good. The Modern thinker sees narcissism as the refusal to play along in this role-playing game. They may also see it as “hogging” the “top dog spot,” as in refusing to let others play the role of the star, not sharing enough credit, or refusing to act normal and “stopping competing.” The Timeless sees this as “stealing credit.”

The Modern are quirky in that they see reputation as a team sport and a celebrity as the “figurehead” of a team rather than an independent person. They see the Timeless as a narcissist because they consider their reputation and achievements as their own rather than that of the entire team’s. The Modern see narcissism as “the need to think for yourself even though there are people who care about you around.”

You can already see how this is problematic in the celebrity circles. This is the source of most unhappiness among the celebrity.

The Modern and the Timeless.

The Modern often forms the “support team” in the life of the celebrity. They’re born reputation managers. They all agree that reputation is a group effort, but their idea of what a good reputation is varies. Are you supposed to “act like a regular person,” pretend to be an even more eccentric or unusual person than you are, or fit squarely into a pre-set specific celebrity image?

The Timeless are often the celebrities themselves. They are often multi-talented genii who believe in individuality and authenticity. They often intensely dislike the idea of having their reputation managed by another person or a team, but feel forced to accept that as a part of being a celebrity. The problem is, that the Timeless fans prefer the Timeless way, and the Modern “fans” prefer the Modern way. I put “fans” into quotes here, as the adult age Modern are rarely fans of celebrities, but rather their critics. They see the celebrities as role models for the young, and they merely judge the celebrity for being a good one or a bad one.

As a rule of thumb, a Timeless celebrity should only ever hire Timeless team members. Similarly, the somewhat rarer, but excising Modern celebrity should hire Modern team members.

There’s only two base-level thinker types.

These two thinker types are the main difference between people that make them inherently incompatible to each other in every way possible. They simply think so differently, that it’s like driving a car when one person wants to go forward and the other insists on reversing. Their goals in life are entirely the opposite.

While there are some ways they can collaborate, the goals of their collaboration are never in full alignment even if they can, in some ways seem to help. Often, this help is an illusion. There are better ways to collaborate.

One of the biggest issues is the way the Modern and the Timeless fall in love. The Modern love advice is downright toxic to the Timeless, who considers maturity to be the ability to take advice – and often the Timeless takes the wrong advice, and very often so in love.

I am Timeless.

I am personally a Timeless thinker, and should, really, only coach other Timeless people.

The Timeless and Modern thinking is a part of my own life coaching theory set I call the Free Spirit Theory. The Free Spirit Theory points out that we live in an anarchist society of free, reincarnating souls, who can basically do anything they like. This includes but is not limited to limiting other free spirit’s freedoms. As a Timeless, my main goal is to liberate others out of love for people. The Modern try to bind and control others out of love for them.

If you are a Timeless celebrity, you might be curious about my other celebrity psychology -related posts.

Posted on

Celebrity’s Ultimate Soulmate Connection – their True Emotion Mirror

a celebrity's ultimate soulmate connection is often telepathic

You might have heard of a relatively well-known concept called Twin Flames. The True Emotion Mirror concept speaks of the same phenomenon but explains it differently. The True Emotion Mirror concept is part of the Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology written by yours truly. This phenomenon is surprisingly common and, as such, often involves celebrities. A celebrity’s ultimate soulmate connection may be a telepathic connection to “a fan.”

A celebrity’s ultimate soulmate connection is often telepathic.

True Emotion Mirrors are the celebrity’s ultimate soulmate connection. A True Emotion Mirror is the ultimate romantic and sexual soul-bond lover anyone can have. It is the thing that fantasy movies describe. Rom coms pale in comparison. (No TrEmoR enjoys rom coms I don’t think, they’re sooo mundane compared to real life.)

What True Emotion Mirrors are most known for is their telepathic connection to each other, even if they haven’t met yet. With celebrity True Emotion Mirrors, the often unknown counterpart may know things about their other half that they have no real way of knowing. They may know what lyrics the celebrity is working on, what’s going on in their private lives, and sometimes this knowledge can sound pretty creepy if you don’t know how it’s obtained.

For myself, I knew a week before that my very famous TrEmoR was getting a divorce when there were absolutely no signs of it in the media prior. I once talked another out of retiring just yet and agreed with a third that he should have children with someone else. Just as examples. I’ve also heard some crazy stories from other people – and I fully believe them.

True Emotion Mirror feelings are instant.

The feelings TrEmoRs feel for each other ignite in an instant. They go from 0 to 100 at some point. This happens either at the first sight or after some time knowing each other without feelings at all. Suddenly something clicks and they go “woosh.”

I have never heard of a TrEmoR to “grow” into loving each other. There is no point “trying” it out with someone who claims to be your True Emotion Mirror. You either feel it or you wait for the feelings to ignite out of virtual nowhere.

The connection is formed over lifetimes with a person you adored.

The True Emotion Mirror connection is basically a highly developed soulmate connection. (Twin Flame concept explains it as one soul has split in two, male and female halves, and that’s certainly how it feels like.) There was a time when you met, and you loved each other from the start (crush) and then you fell in love. You are in love because of who you are as people. Since people don’t, luckily, change all that much between lifetimes, not for real and certainly not by accident, you’re exactly what you both love: alike, but not the same.

When you meet again, this connection you shared just snaps right into place the way it once was. You either recognize each other straight away or after a some delay, but never “grow into it.” You can also find your existing True Emotion Mirror by looking for exactly compatible people on an appropriate dating website (plugy-plug) or find, what I call a Potential True Emotion Mirror out of strangers who share the traits you need from your lover. This might be an interesting option to those of you who are not naturally monogamous.

Whenever you compromise on your wants, you compromise on your True Emotion Mirror’s wants.

The connection with your TrEmoR rewards selfishness. You are perfectly compatible as romantic and sexual lovers. In addition, you are also intellectually, artistically, and professionally perfect for each other. They are absolutely your perfect match. They are what you would never try to ‘sell’ in a movie for reality, because nobody who hasn’t experienced this would believe it to be real.

As we are trained to compromise in relationships, it works directly against this perfect compatibility. It directs us toward all the wrong people. All “maturity” in relationships actually works against it. This is a very natural, animalistic and spiritual bond that does not live well under “mature” self-management.

Whenever you act selfishly, your True Emotion Mirror will feel like you’re giving them the biggest gift you could possibly give. You love them and they love you for all of your vices as well as your virtues. All of the things you try to not be in a mature relationship. All of the things you now feel under appreciated for. Your fetishes and your secret romantic dreams are always a complete match.

The way I see it, all this “maturity” and lowering your expectations of true love is manipulation from romantic opportunists.

It is a difficult thing to trust, I know.

Posted on

Would a grown woman consider a relationship with a celebrity (without being one herself)?

Would a grown woman consider a serious relationship with a celebrity?

We all know that teenagers and 20-something women would probably love a fling with a celebrity, but would a grown woman consider a relationship with a celebrity in a fit, you may wonder?

For most women, no, probably not. But what I want to say to all mature single people: You’re too old to get it wrong again, no matter how young you are. You haven’t got the time to waste. The fact that the not-perfect partners are out of the game is a good thing; the smaller the number of choices, the smaller your chances of getting it wrong again.

That said, the right women are out there. I don’t know if any given celebrity’s true love is famous or not. It is entirely possible that they’re not. And, when true love strikes, who cares if everybody’s watching? What I do believe, however, is that if you enjoy being a celebrity, your true love will enjoy it, too. Or, they’ll make you enjoy being yourself the way you are (famous or not) if you haven’t before.

Would a grown woman consider a real relationship with a celebrity?

I think we all know a fling with a celebrity would be what most women would consider great fun. However, what if you’re looking for a serious relationship and you happen to be a celebrity? Women who are mature and brave enough to go there are probably few, far, and between. The celebrity world is not easy, and while a young woman maybe foolish enough to blind themselves from the dangers, a grown woman tends to have a life that is somewhat set to stone by now.

That said, life has a funny way of organizing itself for the better. I believe in true love and things aligning perfectly, timing clearing itself, burning things out of it’s way when change is necessary.

True Love? What are we, 12?

In my 20’s, I thought believing in true love was a little childish. Now, approaching 50, I know NOT believing in true love is immature. True love,  in the crudest of terms, is really just mathematics. The number of matching traits must be in the 95%+ percentile, if not higher. And yes. Finding it may be difficult, especially on dating sites that have NO understanding of what actually matters in relationships – what metrics to use for that matching profile.

That said, I’ve created my own dating website and virtual environment for the purpose… Because I know what to ask and I’m obsessed with true love and the possibilities of online dating helping fate along a bit. A part of my motivation was that I wanted to find my old soul-bond lovers online, for the simple weirdness of it! I do believe the Universe organizes fun for us, and whenever opportunity presents, it organizes it in new and previously untested ways… And although online dating is a little old already, combining it with Second Life and celebrity… Well that isn’t!

The idea, in short, is to allow completely anonymous dating between celebrities and non-famous people on a virtual platform, and fuel it with the most robust matching system online. My questions are so good, answering them will make you feel like a relationship expert, and you’ll feel empowered to look for love in the real world, too, by picking and memorizing your favorite questions.

Joining ZEN METAL Wanted

It is a bit of an IQ test to join the system. There is no charge, because it seems I have something against money. 😀 You’ll need a Second Life account (free) a SL Viewer (Free, Firestorm recommended) and to make your way to this location on my sim(ulator) on Second Life. (Gowers.)

Would you consider a relationship with a celebrity, tell us in the comments, if you’re an adult, sensible and someone a celebrity should seriously consider for a partner? (Anyone brave enough to say “here”?) (Oh and Twin Flames and True Emotion Mirrors of celebrities, if you’re not saying anything in the comments here, blame yourself… :D)