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Second Life as your new life sketch pad.

Redesign your real life with Second Life

If you haven’t heard of Second Life, you’re about 20-odd years late. It’s this hella cool but weird niche virtual world where people can create their own lives at. The tools are everything in digital form that you can throw at it, not just the building blocks they provide for you.

I am a real-life life coach, and decided to use the same strategies on myself as on others – or the other way around. I use Second Life as a sketch pad to redesign my real life from scratch. I invite you to join me in that.

Second Life is basically 3D Internet. You buy or rent a bit of land (web space) and start building what you want on it (web site). You can upload your own mesh, write your own scripts, bring your own images, textures, animations, and music, or buy stuff half- or ready-made from thousands of creators on the platform. It makes it messy, weird, and wonderful.

Also, Second Life is a 100% adult environment. As such, minors cannot join us (and I recommend you NOT TO make an exception with your kids even supervised even though it’ll look very innocent at times; I’ll explain later). It may be the last oasis for adults not to be slapped on the fingers for having a sex drive left on the Internet. Everyone will assume everyone on is an adult and address them accordingly.

Rules on top of rules – but they’re yours.

Linden Labs, the creator of Second Life is a full-blown anarchist company. Their idea of moderation is basically: “You’re an adult; deal and figure it out.” They don’t really give a fuck, and that’s the coolest thing. That is not to say that there are no rules on Second Life. There are plenty of rules; it’s just that they’re all rules for every sim(ulator) created by the individual residents on it. Also, these rules are often very sexy.

Have a look at the Second Life online map. That’s my sim there, where it says ZEN METAL. The map is pointed at the smallest of continents on Second Life, Gaeta V, and from there, you can find others. Have a look. Each different parcel is operated by a different person or a group. Each group has their own set of rules, their own way of doing things. The individual squares in far West are private islands that a resident can buy for themselves for some extra privacy if they don’t like dealing with their neighbors… Or just need more space for simultanous visitors.

 

My Sim

Personally, I’m rather looking for the perfect people than what stuff to surround myself with. Stuff is secondary, but I do build realistic scenes. To be honest, I’m dreaming of a life on board a cruise ship, but hey, first things first: People.

My sim is there as an initial HUB, it’ll be my people sorter. 😀 I’ve got some games already set for the purpose and planning for more. This sim will also stay that way but I’ll be building the ultimate sim with my… People, I hope, once I find these unicorns of mine. I have some temporary lodgings set up, but we’ll need a whole new sim eventually. <3

Create an account and get a Second Life viewer from Firestorm

I suggest you get an account right now.

Here’s the best part for those of you who are as broke as yours truly; it’s a free download, free account forever… But it knows how to get your money out of your pockets if you’re not careful. While you can survive there completely free, it is just weirdly fun to spend money (that you could use in a more adult way) on there. It’s just that the dollar-to-feel-good value is, to me at least, unbeatable.

I suggest you join and download yourself a viewer from FirestormViewer.org. This viewer is the crowd favorite. It’s like what Chrome is to Internet Explorer. Edge? You can join through SecondLife.com as well, obviously, but I’d skip the haste of installing the standard Second Life Viewer because you’ll switch over to FS eventually anyway… I’m sure.

You’ll choose a starter avatar to your liking, and then, you’ll customize it to your heart’s content later. This is me:

While you can be a dinosaur with a keyboard hand if you like, I am doing this to redesign my real life and to build a SL-to-RL community so I try to look as much as myself as possible. My tattoos are not realistic but other than that I’m pretty one-to-one.

Get yourself a starter avi. Then, head over to my sim’s newbie info box for orientation and wait for further instructions on how to redesign your life, hey?

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Narcissism in celebrities is a matter of opinion and perspective.

narcissism is a matter of opinion

Celebrities are often suspected and accused of narcissism. It is true that celebrity attracts narcissists. How and why is another question. I don’t think narcissism in celebrities is particularly common, however, but it’s simply easier to see.

The condition is tricky to diagnose, as its definition relies entirely on the diagnosing person’s own thinker type and IQ compared to the person they’re diagnosing. For clarity, I am not a psychologist, only a life coach. I call myself an unlicensed thinker with a knack for this – or a psycho-spiritual theorist if I try to sound adult.

As such a maverick thinker, I say narcissism is a matter of perspective. It is easy to tell which type has written any given psychological text about narcissism. We all have an innate annoyance toward specific ways of thinking. That annoying thinking is the other type’s way of thinking.

Two ways to see narcissism in celebrities.

The Timeless thinker sees narcissism as a need to control and force others into playing a role in making the narcissist (and their “extension people”) look good. The Modern thinker sees narcissism as the refusal to play along in this role-playing game. They may also see it as “hogging” the “top dog spot,” as in refusing to let others play the role of the star, not sharing enough credit, or refusing to act normal and “stopping competing.” The Timeless sees this as “stealing credit.”

The Modern are quirky in that they see reputation as a team sport and a celebrity as the “figurehead” of a team rather than an independent person. They see the Timeless as a narcissist because they consider their reputation and achievements as their own rather than that of the entire team’s. The Modern see narcissism as “the need to think for yourself even though there are people who care about you around.”

You can already see how this is problematic in the celebrity circles. This is the source of most unhappiness among the celebrity.

The Modern and the Timeless.

The Modern often forms the “support team” in the life of the celebrity. They’re born reputation managers. They all agree that reputation is a group effort, but their idea of what a good reputation is varies. Are you supposed to “act like a regular person,” pretend to be an even more eccentric or unusual person than you are, or fit squarely into a pre-set specific celebrity image?

The Timeless are often the celebrities themselves. They are often multi-talented genii who believe in individuality and authenticity. They often intensely dislike the idea of having their reputation managed by another person or a team, but feel forced to accept that as a part of being a celebrity. The problem is, that the Timeless fans prefer the Timeless way, and the Modern “fans” prefer the Modern way. I put “fans” into quotes here, as the adult age Modern are rarely fans of celebrities, but rather their critics. They see the celebrities as role models for the young, and they merely judge the celebrity for being a good one or a bad one.

As a rule of thumb, a Timeless celebrity should only ever hire Timeless team members. Similarly, the somewhat rarer, but excising Modern celebrity should hire Modern team members.

There’s only two base-level thinker types.

These two thinker types are the main difference between people that make them inherently incompatible to each other in every way possible. They simply think so differently, that it’s like driving a car when one person wants to go forward and the other insists on reversing. Their goals in life are entirely the opposite.

While there are some ways they can collaborate, the goals of their collaboration are never in full alignment even if they can, in some ways seem to help. Often, this help is an illusion. There are better ways to collaborate.

One of the biggest issues is the way the Modern and the Timeless fall in love. The Modern love advice is downright toxic to the Timeless, who considers maturity to be the ability to take advice – and often the Timeless takes the wrong advice, and very often so in love.

I am Timeless.

I am personally a Timeless thinker, and should, really, only coach other Timeless people.

The Timeless and Modern thinking is a part of my own life coaching theory set I call the Free Spirit Theory. The Free Spirit Theory points out that we live in an anarchist society of free, reincarnating souls, who can basically do anything they like. This includes but is not limited to limiting other free spirit’s freedoms. As a Timeless, my main goal is to liberate others out of love for people. The Modern try to bind and control others out of love for them.

If you are a Timeless celebrity, you might be curious about my other celebrity psychology -related posts.

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Celebrity’s Ultimate Soulmate Connection – their True Emotion Mirror

a celebrity's ultimate soulmate connection is often telepathic

You might have heard of a relatively well-known concept called Twin Flames. The True Emotion Mirror concept speaks of the same phenomenon but explains it differently. The True Emotion Mirror concept is part of the Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology written by yours truly. This phenomenon is surprisingly common and, as such, often involves celebrities. A celebrity’s ultimate soulmate connection may be a telepathic connection to “a fan.”

A celebrity’s ultimate soulmate connection is often telepathic.

True Emotion Mirrors are the celebrity’s ultimate soulmate connection. A True Emotion Mirror is the ultimate romantic and sexual soul-bond lover anyone can have. It is the thing that fantasy movies describe. Rom coms pale in comparison. (No TrEmoR enjoys rom coms I don’t think, they’re sooo mundane compared to real life.)

What True Emotion Mirrors are most known for is their telepathic connection to each other, even if they haven’t met yet. With celebrity True Emotion Mirrors, the often unknown counterpart may know things about their other half that they have no real way of knowing. They may know what lyrics the celebrity is working on, what’s going on in their private lives, and sometimes this knowledge can sound pretty creepy if you don’t know how it’s obtained.

For myself, I knew a week before that my very famous TrEmoR was getting a divorce when there were absolutely no signs of it in the media prior. I once talked another out of retiring just yet and agreed with a third that he should have children with someone else. Just as examples. I’ve also heard some crazy stories from other people – and I fully believe them.

True Emotion Mirror feelings are instant.

The feelings TrEmoRs feel for each other ignite in an instant. They go from 0 to 100 at some point. This happens either at the first sight or after some time knowing each other without feelings at all. Suddenly something clicks and they go “woosh.”

I have never heard of a TrEmoR to “grow” into loving each other. There is no point “trying” it out with someone who claims to be your True Emotion Mirror. You either feel it or you wait for the feelings to ignite out of virtual nowhere.

The connection is formed over lifetimes with a person you adored.

The True Emotion Mirror connection is basically a highly developed soulmate connection. (Twin Flame concept explains it as one soul has split in two, male and female halves, and that’s certainly how it feels like.) There was a time when you met, and you loved each other from the start (crush) and then you fell in love. You are in love because of who you are as people. Since people don’t, luckily, change all that much between lifetimes, not for real and certainly not by accident, you’re exactly what you both love: alike, but not the same.

When you meet again, this connection you shared just snaps right into place the way it once was. You either recognize each other straight away or after a some delay, but never “grow into it.” You can also find your existing True Emotion Mirror by looking for exactly compatible people on an appropriate dating website (plugy-plug) or find, what I call a Potential True Emotion Mirror out of strangers who share the traits you need from your lover. This might be an interesting option to those of you who are not naturally monogamous.

Whenever you compromise on your wants, you compromise on your True Emotion Mirror’s wants.

The connection with your TrEmoR rewards selfishness. You are perfectly compatible as romantic and sexual lovers. In addition, you are also intellectually, artistically, and professionally perfect for each other. They are absolutely your perfect match. They are what you would never try to ‘sell’ in a movie for reality, because nobody who hasn’t experienced this would believe it to be real.

As we are trained to compromise in relationships, it works directly against this perfect compatibility. It directs us toward all the wrong people. All “maturity” in relationships actually works against it. This is a very natural, animalistic and spiritual bond that does not live well under “mature” self-management.

Whenever you act selfishly, your True Emotion Mirror will feel like you’re giving them the biggest gift you could possibly give. You love them and they love you for all of your vices as well as your virtues. All of the things you try to not be in a mature relationship. All of the things you now feel under appreciated for. Your fetishes and your secret romantic dreams are always a complete match.

The way I see it, all this “maturity” and lowering your expectations of true love is manipulation from romantic opportunists.

It is a difficult thing to trust, I know.

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Would a grown woman consider a relationship with a celebrity (without being one herself)?

Would a grown woman consider a serious relationship with a celebrity?

We all know that teenagers and 20-something women would probably love a fling with a celebrity, but would a grown woman consider a relationship with a celebrity in a fit, you may wonder?

For most women, no, probably not. But what I want to say to all mature single people: You’re too old to get it wrong again, no matter how young you are. You haven’t got the time to waste. The fact that the not-perfect partners are out of the game is a good thing; the smaller the number of choices, the smaller your chances of getting it wrong again.

That said, the right women are out there. I don’t know if any given celebrity’s true love is famous or not. It is entirely possible that they’re not. And, when true love strikes, who cares if everybody’s watching? What I do believe, however, is that if you enjoy being a celebrity, your true love will enjoy it, too. Or, they’ll make you enjoy being yourself the way you are (famous or not) if you haven’t before.

Would a grown woman consider a real relationship with a celebrity?

I think we all know a fling with a celebrity would be what most women would consider great fun. However, what if you’re looking for a serious relationship and you happen to be a celebrity? Women who are mature and brave enough to go there are probably few, far, and between. The celebrity world is not easy, and while a young woman maybe foolish enough to blind themselves from the dangers, a grown woman tends to have a life that is somewhat set to stone by now.

That said, life has a funny way of organizing itself for the better. I believe in true love and things aligning perfectly, timing clearing itself, burning things out of it’s way when change is necessary.

True Love? What are we, 12?

In my 20’s, I thought believing in true love was a little childish. Now, approaching 50, I know NOT believing in true love is immature. True love,  in the crudest of terms, is really just mathematics. The number of matching traits must be in the 95%+ percentile, if not higher. And yes. Finding it may be difficult, especially on dating sites that have NO understanding of what actually matters in relationships – what metrics to use for that matching profile.

That said, I’ve created my own dating website and virtual environment for the purpose… Because I know what to ask and I’m obsessed with true love and the possibilities of online dating helping fate along a bit. A part of my motivation was that I wanted to find my old soul-bond lovers online, for the simple weirdness of it! I do believe the Universe organizes fun for us, and whenever opportunity presents, it organizes it in new and previously untested ways… And although online dating is a little old already, combining it with Second Life and celebrity… Well that isn’t!

The idea, in short, is to allow completely anonymous dating between celebrities and non-famous people on a virtual platform, and fuel it with the most robust matching system online. My questions are so good, answering them will make you feel like a relationship expert, and you’ll feel empowered to look for love in the real world, too, by picking and memorizing your favorite questions.

Joining ZEN METAL Wanted

It is a bit of an IQ test to join the system. There is no charge, because it seems I have something against money. 😀 You’ll need a Second Life account (free) a SL Viewer (Free, Firestorm recommended) and to make your way to this location on my sim(ulator) on Second Life. (Gowers.)

Would you consider a relationship with a celebrity, tell us in the comments, if you’re an adult, sensible and someone a celebrity should seriously consider for a partner? (Anyone brave enough to say “here”?) (Oh and Twin Flames and True Emotion Mirrors of celebrities, if you’re not saying anything in the comments here, blame yourself… :D)

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Celebrity love affairs may need a True Emotion Mirror bond to survive longer than a season.

Celebrity Love might need the ultimate soulmate connection to work.

When a celebrity sets out to find true love, they’re bound to encounter countless “almosts”—close calls with people who are dazzling, talented, and captivating. These amazing individuals may feel easy to fall for but sometimes harder to truly love. It seems that celebrity love might need something a little extra to last. How does one find “the one” amid all the infinite options and offers?

I’ve spent over a decade independently exploring the concept of the ultimate soulmate connection I call True Emotion Mirrors (TrEmoR). This isn’t just another version of the Twin Flame theory or a compatibility checklist. It’s a connection that is as magical as it is logical. With a True Emotion Mirror, there’s nothing about them you don’t love—or wouldn’t love if you took the time to uncover it.

You Won’t Need to Convince Yourself

There are some amazing people out there. AMAZING. You are surrounded by them every day. It would seem CRAZY to not love them, particularly over an abstract concept like a True Emotion Mirror.

With a TrEmoR, love doesn’t need rationalization. It’s not about convincing yourself that someone is good enough for you. It’s about knowing—deep down—that this connection is unlike anything else. At the very least, you’ll feel compelled to explore it—no overthinking, no second-guessing, and definitely no forcing. The only hurdle might be convincing them (or yourself) that yes, this is real, and yes, you truly want each other.

And… Most importantly, the narcissistic red flags are missing. All except love bombing. They may love bomb, but they do it with your actual traits rather than imaginary or vague.

Is Your True Emotion Mirror a Celebrity—or Just Celebrity-Worthy?

Your True Emotion Mirror might not be famous, but they’ll certainly seem like they should be. They’ll feel at home in your world—never overshadowed or out of place. The TrEmoRs of a celebrity is a star in their own right, even if they are not famous for it yet.

If your soulmate avoids the spotlight, it’s likely for the same reasons you do. Their reluctance isn’t rooted in inadequacy but in the shared vulnerabilities of perfectionism.

Perfectionism and the Celebrity Love

Here’s the paradox: perfectionists often carry insecurities. Even if they seem larger than life, they’ll quietly second-guess their worth—just like you might. That mutual admiration can create an ironic barrier, where neither of you expresses your feelings enough to let the other know how adored they are.

The dynamic is magnetic: you’ll see them as divine, and your TrEmoR feels the same about you—fame or not.

Have you experienced telepathy?.

The most incredible trait of a True Emotion Mirror connection is telepathy. It doesn’t happen in every case, but if you’re spontaneously telepathic with someone, there’s a good chance they’re a TrEmoR. (Your feelings matter, however. If you feel “please not that one” they’re DEFINITELY not one no matter how telepathic they may be.)

I don’t mean that in the “ooh, I was just about to call you” sort of way but in an actual ability to read their mind – particularly if in the same room, looking in their eye. If you have ever felt like you were having a conversation with someone in real time without saying  a word, that may have been your True Emotion Mirror (or your Precious Soulmate, who are telepathic a little less frequently).

Maybe try that. “Stay behind after everyone has left…”

Real People, of course.

Although we’re talking about a spiritual connection, it doesn’t mean it will turn you into a meditating monk. Quite the opposite. This connection responds to your true emotions, something you don’t have to fake nor hide. Your True Emotion Mirror mirrors your true emotions, hence the name. This includes everything, reasons for your anger, ambition, moral code, and, most importantly your idea of delicious sexuality and romance.

Your Delicious Secrets

A slight word of caution here, a narcissist will be curious about your secrets so that they have something to hold over your head if you try to escape (out of control). However, a True Emotion Mirror will want to know everything about you because they love everything about you. If you’ve ever struggled to be genuinely interested in anybody before (hehe), you’ll want to know absolutely everything about your TrEmoR, too.

The stuff you feel that you need to hide from everybody else, with them, it’s just another casual relaxed or excited “me too” conversation. There is no blame or shame with them. They’ll never punish you for being honest with them by spitting their disgust over a raw and real truth you told them back in your face like some people would..

They don’t try to keep you in their favorite role you play.

Even in non-celebrity circles, being in a relationship with someone other than your True Emotion Mirror requires constant self-editing. You know the stuff that annoys them about you, and you tone that down. However, your True Emotion Mirror will keep encouraging you to be more and more like yourself, and whatever another person would find tedious or boring, annoying, disgusting or otherwise undesirable, your TrEmoR will love about you.

With usual celebrity love – love of your celebrity persona rather than you – anyone would be forgiven for loving the person you maybe paid to be if you’re an actor, but your True Emotion Mirror prefers the real you over your most popular character.

That said, your TrEmoR may not quite like your public persona. They don’t like anything fake about you. Where a non-TrEmoR tries to push you back into their favorite movie role, your TrEmoR reminds you “you’re playing a role, snap out of it, I want my man/gal back.”

True Emotion Mirrors and the Polyamorous “Soup”

TrEmoRs don’t always come in monogamous pairs. Sometimes, they’re part of a larger, interconnected “soup.” This group could include your closest friends—the ones you inexplicably find attractive, even when it defies typical orientation labels.

For those who are bisexual, this is an undeniable truth: your TrEmoR might not be just one person. Instead of competition or jealousy, this group thrives on deep respect and authenticity. The outdated demands of monogamy have fractured many of these connections, but embracing your polyamorous nature—if it’s part of you—can be an act of healing and truth.

A Note for celebrities

If you’re navigating love while balancing fame, your journey might be harder—but it’s also more profound. I write specifically for celebrities here, blending insights about love and connection with the unique challenges of your world.

Want more? Dig deeper into the Everything archives on my blog for insights you’ll love. You might also want to check out ZEN METAL main sim for some curious anonymous dating opportunities.

 

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What Could a Celebrity Learn by Reading Sebastyne Alpha’s Blog?

Celebrities often find themselves in the precarious position of being loved one moment and criticized the next. Fame can feel like a storm of applause punctuated by the occasional thunderclap of controversy. But what if there was a way to navigate the chaotic waters of celebrity with grace, authenticity, and purpose? Enter Sebastyne Alpha’s blog—a digital treasure trove for anyone seeking timeless wisdom, including those in the limelight.

1. Building Authentic Connections: Fans Are Smarter Than You Think

Sebastyne Alpha doesn’t pander to surface-level thinking, and that’s precisely why her insights resonate with intelligent readers. For celebrities, this is a crucial takeaway: your audience isn’t a monolith of screaming fans. Instead, they are individuals who crave authenticity and depth. By applying Sebastyne’s principles, celebrities can target their message better by deciding which king to bow down to.

Celebrity Tip: We are all being constantly coached into not angering or alienating these people or those people and in that pursuit, we become inauthentic. Instead, you could notice that in your position, you can probably afford to lose a few – and simultaneously gain a few more… Fans that is.

2. Staying Grounded while famous

If fame amplifies your highs and lows, Sebastyne Alpha’s perspective on life could help you regain your focus and decide what is important to you personally, rather than what should be important to you. Such as is it really normal for a celebrity to act like a normal person? Isn’t it a bit fake? Like wrapping Styrofoam into organic paper? What if you simply are Styrofoam? 😉

Celebrity Tip: Being “the right way” is not necessarily authentic. Do you really need to pander to what is the expectation, didn’t you want to be a celebrity for the freedom of it all? To be able to do stuff others can’t? Not to be walked around like a marionette…

3. Cultivating a Lone Wolf Spirit in a Team-Driven World

While celebrities often operate within a network of agents, stylists, and PR teams, Sebastyne Alpha champions the lone wolf mentality—one that thrives on individuality and self-reliance. This doesn’t mean rejecting collaboration but rather cultivating an inner world that isn’t swayed by external pressures.

Celebrity Tip: Dedicate time to activities that enrich your personal growth, like journaling, meditation, or exploring timeless literature. These solitary practices help you anchor your identity, no matter how turbulent the world around you becomes. Sebastyne Alpha is a sworn DYI gal, too… Maybe you could take more of your life back into your own hands? At least the fun stuff.

4. Romance, the Timeless Way

Sebastyne Alpha’s blog delicately intertwines romance with self-discovery, offering advice that transcends superficial relationships. For celebrities, who often navigate publicized romances and heartache, her insights can guide them toward connections built on authenticity rather than convenience.

Celebrity Tip: There are fans who are very hands-on with you I’m sure. A fellow celebrity alike. However, the people who are genuinely Yours, often do not invade your space out of genuine respect for you. You may think they’re too good for you, when they are thinking the same thing about you, and they’d think it even if you weren’t famous.

The Celebrity-Sebastyne Connection

Celebrities may shine under the spotlight, but their lives are far from simple. The good news is, nobody’s life is simple. Sebastyne Alpha’s blog offers timeless strategies for navigating fame with intellect, heart, and individuality. By embracing her ideas, her readers will find strategies for more independence and wiser decisions in this lifetime that tranced future lifetimes as well.

Also, check out Alpha’s Second Life sim.

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Sebastyne For Celebrities

Ever since 2012, I’ve had the ghosts of living people, many, many of them celebrities, and the majority of the vocal ones, either traditional celebrities or social media celebrities, talking to me, asking me questions, and helping me to become the coach I wish to be. They’ve pointed my attention to problems they needed me to solve, but unlike most people, celebrities also supported me emotionally, which was a bit of the opposite reaction to those who taught me what envy, jealousy, and narcissistic entitlement do in the face of (pending )success.

I gained an unusual perspective on things like fame without having ever been anywhere near a celebrity in my life! (Well, apart from some random run-ins, I suppose.)

That is to say, I owe ya.

 

Happy 2025.

 

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Being a perfectionist doesn’t mean I am perfect, but it means I try to be.

Perfection is a very tricky business. There is give-in and insistence, when to push, when to pull, when to focus, and when to look away. You must pick your battles and manage your time, energy, and effort. You must optimize results, accept certain traits as perfect, and re-evaluate previous approaches and principles.

Constantly, all the time. Without a break.

You have to accept others don’t have that kind of focus on their own flaws. They may be 100% focused on you and your flaws, the same as you are, while gleefully ignoring those of their own. They may feel no conflict when that’s pointed out to them.

Whether I am perfect is my business. Do you find my effort sufficient? It is your business. But it is not your business to start forcing corrections. You can make suggestions, but I will make the corrections if I see fit. My perfectionism is my business, not yours. Your perfectionism is your business, not mine. And if you are not a perfectionist, we cannot be very good friends because I will be watching my step with respect to you, while you are not bound to return the favor. The balance will be off, and I won’t intend to lower my bar to battle things out like a common field hog just so you could have me as a friend. I have been pushed to that state, but that’s where friendship ends, not starts.

I no longer hold myself to the virtue of loyalty. I stopped seeing it as a virtue. It’s rather a collar and a leash that you give the lead to anyone who wants it, really. No. I’ve removed my collar. People still try to find the lead out of old belief it is there, but I’m not budging. The collar is off and I won’t put it back on. I’m in your corner for as long as you make it worth my while. You better be worth your own shit, man, lady.

I no longer accept outsider criticism as much as I used to. I used to take everyone’s feedback as valid, but I realized that the people most vocally judging you are much more focussed on your flaws than their own, and their logic goes somewhat “if you have one tiny flaw, and I have one tiny virtue, that proves you’re not perfect, and I’m not perfect, therefore, we’re equal.” Nuhhuh. Not how that math works, people.

Am I bitter? Yes. Do I deserve to be? No, not really. Even when it’s not your fault, it’s still your fault, I believe. I let that happen. I wasn’t aware enough. My bad. I’ll be less forgiving from now on.

 

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My unwillingness to have children has to be a mental disorder, no?

Many might find that a woman who doesn’t have and doesn’t want to have children must be mentally flawed. I semi-agree. Since I believe that we are naturally aligned toward different forms of polygamy, certain natural alignments work better in a forcefully monogamous society than others. A polyandrous woman cannot find true happiness through children and a monogamous family. I don’t know one single polyandrist woman who has ever wanted to have children enough to actually go through with it. (That might change.)

I believe if I could live in a polyandrous marriage, the situation would be quite different. Maybe I could do monogamous parenthood if I could semi-guarantee all my children to be male. Suppose I didn’t have any women lurking in the shadows ready to “support me” in my maternity, yes, maybe. But I cannot, as a polyandrist woman, TOLERATE the idea of other women near me during pregnancy and child-rearing. The thought is… Distressing.

In a polyandrous marriage, however, children would probably be… OK. I’m not sure if I would WANT THEM, per se, but I don’t find the thought of them existing limiting and distressing anymore… not even girls. Still, that’s a conversation for another lifetime, considering I’m way past that age now.

Still, how can a person be perfectly healthy in a society that enforces unnatural behaviour in its own members? Cannot be done.

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My personal failures as far as my family relationships go.

Mostly, I consider myself a relationship expert. That said, there is a one big glaring red flag about my own past: I don’t speak to my own family anymore. None of them, even though I only have issue with one of them. The one individual in question is my mother. The root of our problem is a profound incompatibility as people… To put it generously.

The way I see it, they have made their choice. And I am strong enough to live with that choice.

Submit or dominate?

I am a strong Timeless thinker. That said, I am convinced, by my own theory, that there is never going to be an amicable solution available for me and my mother, a Modern. The issue itself is tiny—ridiculously tiny. The only thing my mom needed to do was listen to me, understand that I am a grown-up now and my decisions are not for her to make, and let me be. She insists I have a false memory of childhood abuse and won’t listen to anything to the contrary.

She is a Modern. To her, maturity means listening to mommy (or daddy) and doing as mommy (or daddy) tells you to, and not getting into any childish fights over such a silly notion as autonomy. As Timeless, dominance, and submission don’t belong in relationships between two adults, particularly family members. Submission and dominance play a role in sexual relationships but nowhere else, as far as I’m concerned.

My only options in regards to my mother are to A) submit fully and allow her to make all my decisions for me. (Out of the question.) B) Return and bully her into absolute submission, even if it takes physical force. (Would require so much CONSTANT work and micromanaging adults that test my authority every two days like children, that it is, in practicality, out of the question.) C) Move away and mind my own goddamned business. (Regrettable, but OK.)

My brother is not exactly happy with my mother’s bossiness but accepts it, and my dad doesn’t have a dominant bone in his body, so there you go. That’s what they’ll do: obey the matriarch. My aunts and uncles, some of whom are still alive, will go along with whatever; they’ve long learned to accept my mother and stay out of her way enough to get by… And obviously, my mom isn’t all bad. She’s got her moments. There is stuff I miss about her, but I feel like I’ve escaped a cult. The cult of Hessuism. *I laugh wryly.*

Pardon my language, but every time I think of my mother, and her stupid way of thinking makes my goddamned blood boil.

The lesson I had to learn.

I used to believe, and I do feel this is very much a core-belief of an immortal spirit, that EVERY relationship issue can be solved by good communication and honesty. Now, I believe that there are some relationships that rely and depend on the very opposite. They require constant silence and deception, and if truth is ever uttered, the relationship will descend into a power-battle.

I now believe that not all relationships can be, or even should be, rescued. Life is too short for trying to battle it out with a person who is not vital to your happiness – and a Modern no matter how closely related, can never be vital to the happiness of a Timeless. It is simply and impossible scenario.

After my experience with my mother and my family, I submit to the fact there are relationships that are beyond salvation. I have born judgment for people who cannot sort their shit out with their family, but no more. I accept it. Life is too short for certain solutions. Just move on. There are 8 billion more people in this world to find connection with, there is no point hanging onto one or two or two dozen, even if they were your family. The average number is still 8 billion more.

We’re rich in people. We can afford to squander some relationships. ;p

The Modern would expect me to keep up appearances.

She said me said, right? I do not believe I can afford such a luxury as appearances. I sell authenticity. My whole gig is authenticity. How can I be a coach and a guide to anyone, if I hide my own skeletons? And, how do I offer compassion and understanding to those who need to do the same as I did, if I have to pretend that every relationship is salvageable?

I should save my family name… Nah. It’s just a name, and I don’t even use it much. They can damned well keep it, even if I’m the most genuine example of my own family on both sides. They are somewhat wilful people. I’m related to a genuine freaking rebel, too. From mother’s side, ironically. Suffered a death sentence for running his mouth against the king. And pitch fork, too. Literally. The leader of the Cudgel War in 1596, Jaakko Ilkka in Finland is my great great great great something grand father in a direct line. They’re still staging operas for his honour every summer in Finland. Teehee. “Fuck tyranny! Free The People!” Can you hear yet another Timeless yell for his freedom, and rather, the freedom of people he represented?

To be honest, he was semi-forced to take the lead but still. He died for it.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I can’t solve all of your relationship problems, as I’m not a god and can’t give all of the people you need to deal with a fucking personality transplant. That would go against my principles, too. These are problems that used to be solved by lobotomies, so that’s what it would take, and you know what, it’s just a question of opinion who should get that damned lobotomy. Shall we flip a coin, yes? It was probably the Timeless who would usually draw the short stick with that, but it may have well been a question of a majority vote.

Don’t we all agree that separating from a family is the better option, when theoretically everyone can live a happy… Happier life without the other? The truth is that Modern need to be cleared from the responsibility of losing family members. It’s not their fault their way of dealing things simply doesn’t sit well with the Timeless. We’re all born one or the other, and that’s all the blame to be cast. We cannot solve these issues.

That said, there’s a few ways to DODGE these issues and manage them, and there are easier and better ways to get away from these situations than what I did, but you know… I wouldn’t have known that had I not been in the middle of it myself. But that is a topic for an actual lesson.