Another narcissistic quirk that I want to point out just for the sake of curiosity is the habit of rejecting or claiming a label despite one’s behavior. “I want all of Johnny’s money, but I’m not a gold digger!” “I am speaking on behalf of all trans people every chance and broadcast I can, but I am not an activist!” “I gave my children a ton of childhood traumas, but I’m a great mother!” “Yes, well, I start fires here and there, but I’m an awesome firefighter!”
A narcissist doesn’t want to attach negative labels to themselves, but wants the positive ones, and they also don’t want the burden of having to behave in the manner as the labels describe or want to be excused for behaving in that manner. They are basically saying: “I know I do this, but I don’t want you to dislike/judge me for it, so you don’t have to!” or “I know I do/did that, but you still need to admire me for technically being it, you know I want to be admired for it so you can!” There’s an innocence in narcissists that quite blows the mind of a normal person. They don’t see what they do as dishonest, just… “Well, I don’t like that so… I want to be seen this way and I know you think that’d be better, too!”
Narcissists play a game of pretend everywhere they go. It’s not malicious in intent, it’s just their way of looking at the world. I’m not saying you should accept it because it’s not malicious, I’m just saying it’s not malicious because it isn’t. It’s just like children playing pretend; they assume you love the game just as adults love to play pretend with children. No harm in it… They just become better at the game, in some sense, but this “I know I suck cock but that doesn’t make me gay” -way of thinking is just one of the developmental phases.