Biggest Pickup Don’t’s

There are some really bad moves that people use at nightclubs when they try to hit on people. These are the EVEN IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO yet, STOP doing this -list!

Don’t hit on EVERY member of the opposite (your target) gender in the room. People will notice even if you think you’re invisible.

This doesn’t happen a lot, but there’s been a few instances when I’ve seen a guy hit on LITERALLY EVERY female at the club indiscriminately and as the evening progresses, everybody multiple times. Granted, I hunt sober, and they typically don’t, but still, don’t do this.

Don’t start arguing about a rejection. It’s classless.

Nobody owes you love. REMEMBER THAT. Nobody owes you love. Stop bitching about it to them, and be better. It’s not their fault you have no idea what you’re doing. If you’re good at what you’re doing, you’ll woo the pants of a KKK racist no matter how black you are.

Stop thinking dating is serious. It isn’t. It’s fun and games.

Relationships are supposed to make your life better. Meeting new people should be fun. If you’re not enjoying yourself dating, stop doing it. You don’t have to. Just have good friends or something. But if you’re going to do it, you might as well remember it’s supposed to be fun and enjoyable.

Stop thinking about MARRIAGE every time someone speaks to you.

Let’s just have a coffee or two first, yes? Try to enjoy the route there, and stop obsessing about the destination (or your advancing age.)

Stop lying to people about who you are and what you ultimately want.

You don’t need to tell everything to every person you go out with, but whatever you tell them should be true. If you lie, you better be a master at your dating game, you know? If you do lie, it STILL is supposed to be fun, NOT a cover-up to your boring personality. (Nobody who is honest is ever boring. The truth is the most interesting thing anyone can hear… even small, meaningless truths.)

Stop thinking you are worthless and some kind of a special kind of reject.

Now… There is something to be said about a realistic self-image, but no matter where you wind up on the dating ladder, you will always be good enough to date someone from your own league – you’ll hear me repeat, repeat, and repeat. Stick to your own league, but apart from that, you’ll find it, and you won’t even find it difficult. (If you think dating from your league is beneath you, then you better get yourself upgraded to a higher league and then start dating there, not start jumping fences…)

Still. Have a look at how Skippy’s dating is going, (and you’ll probably pick up on a few things not to do.)

By the way, VERY FEW people are so ugly that a healthy body weight percentage and a good haircut wouldn’t fix it.

Stop thinking your love is special.

EVERYBODY knows how to love, and not every supermodel is a narcissist. You ain’t special because you’re “loving.” You’re not special because you’ve got pretty eyes – everybody does. You maybe special in many, many ways, but stop selling others short to keep your own head high. It gives you an unrealistic perspective and will make you think less of your competition than you should.

Everybody knows how to love. Everyone wants love. Everyone is willing to give love. The question is, do you know how to love THIS PARTICULAR person, and do they know how to love you? Don’t assume they’re DOWN ON THEMSELVES if they think you’re not right for them. That’s very, very presumptuous. Don’t think “it’s not you, it’s me” actually means that. It’s a nice way of saying: “You’re alright – there’s nothing wrong with you per se, but my standards are higher than what you can reach, and it’s not YOUR FAULT I want someone hotter than you.”

Stop taking rejection personally – and stop thinking it is not.

While a person can reject you, specifically, because they don’t want you, namely you, while they are self-confident, like themselves, and like other people and are perfectly sane human beings, with no intimacy issues or commitment phobias, they can STILL reject you, because they don’t want you. That is OK. We’re all looking for the right one, and while they have decided that you’re not the right one for them, that doesn’t mean you are worthless, or that NOBODY will love you or want you. Just that this particular person is moving on because their heart is reserved to someone else – even if they haven’t found that person yet. Let them go. They have every right to keep looking for their true heart’s desire without it needing to be an offence to you.

Stop thinking having a relationship with you is a sacrifice he or she has to make for you.

This is a bit obvious but surprisingly easy to forget:

You’re probably a nice person. You probably don’t need to TRICK anyone into spending time with you. You know how to have a laugh, and how to cook a (half-)decent meal. You’re probably up for a nice night out with people you like the company of. If you have friends who like you, there is no reason why a man or a woman wouldn’t like you. Therefore, being with you probably isn’t a sacrifice on their part.

On the same note, you have to understand that men want to have a real relationship with women, and women want to have real relationships with men. Both genders want a real relationship. You don’t need to be a trapping master to make that a reality. They want it; generally speaking, it’s just a question of WHO they want it with. It is funny how easily women believe men don’t want real relationships with women and men believe that women don’t want relationships with men. Neither is true.

In addition, most men want children with the woman they love, but having a child with some random guy is not an adequate compensation for a relationship with a man for most women. Women want a man in their lives, and men want a wife and children… Just a question of WHICH WOMAN they want it with, the same as which man a woman wants it all with.

Here’s a little bit of relationship theory: The reason why we think “men” don’t want a family is because gay men didn’t. The reason we think women don’t want sex with men is that gay women didn’t – when basically heterosexual monogamous marriage was the only way forward from childhood, and we had no idea “gay” was a thing. If a person doesn’t want a heterosexual relationship, it probably means they’re gay… Right?

STICK TO YOUR LEAGUE

Good-looking people are not more desperate for love than bad-looking people are, mind you. They are desperate for PERFECT relationships, however. Their standards are higher. They’re willing to suffer more for beauty and sex appeal, but they are more likely LESS desperate for average relationships than average-looking people are, so it best not to waste your energy thinking that’ll be an easier mark to hit. (They’d never THINK someone thinks they’re MORE DESPERATE for relationships, they’re just easily guilted for their vanity, but that’s not a fair thing to do to them.)

Fit people will want to date fit people. If you want to date fit people, and you’re fat, stop stuffing your face and get to the gym, THEN start again. Like attracts like. Opposites attract only desperate people.

If you want to play in the same league with hot guys, hot chicks will be your competition, some of them are fit, gorgeous, fun, interesting, intelligent, nice, kind, and impeccably dressed. THEY TOO have beautiful eyes and nice smiles. If you want to play in the same league with hot chicks, hot guys will be your competition, and hot men, too, come in all levels of awesome character traits. Don’t be naive enough to think any differently.

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