Problematics with the Romantics* and the Pragmatic* ideas
So. I came to the conclusion that the Romantics* (approximately introvert) and the Pragmatic* (approximately extrovert) Thinking concept is flawed in the idea that it is a permanent personality trait although it so seems from certain perspectives. There are permanent personality traits that make the state of what the Romantics* thinking seem permanent in many cases, such as your IQ.
Your IQ is going to be the same from the day you are born to the day you die. If you fall into either end of the IQ scale, low or high, you are going to have difficulty relating to other people, thus MOST OFTEN feeling reluctant of making close friends with the majority of people. If you fall into the smartest 10% of the world population, close to 90% of people will be people you don’t want to make friends with – not as an instruction from me but as a natural feeling you’ve got. You simply don’t want to.
Now, there are some people who are used to CHASING others and making reluctant people yield to their will, so to speak. So they get rejected at first, but they keep on banging on the door until the door is opened to them and they get what they want. (Aka. universally known as desperate fucks who can’t take no for an answer, lol.) These people, to me, are typical the Pragmatic* but probably are not… Probably simply people who are under the impression that EVERYONE would want them and everyone is deep down just waiting for them to show how much they care… As in people with an elevated sense of self-importance or an unrealistic self-image. NOBODY in this WORLD is an ideal friend or a partner to EVERYBODY else in this world. No matter how popular you are, NOBODY is that universally ideal person, that ANYONE AT ALL would always want them as a partner or as a friend. And a person who thinks that they are an exception to this rule, is simply put delusional… They have narcissistic delusions, in other words.
So these people may have noticed that pestering someone for attention will usually, if not always, eventually pay off, and it does. It is very few people who won’t, eventually, accept a suitor who is absolutely relentless. However, that doesn’t guarantee that this person falls in love with the relentless suitor, NOT AT ALL. Although it may sometimes create positive results – I remember one girl simply plant themselves into my company although I didn’t want them to, who I wound up being very happy that she did, but she is certainly an exception to the rule, and may have found herself in a very different position later on in her other relationships, in which she was no longer welcome. It also makes a difference whether you insist on being someones “one and only” or just one of the many, as in, whether you intend to form a monogamous relationship or just a friendship or a polygamousORpolygynandrous union to someone… But I digress.
So, there’s a couple of factors that I’ve put under the Romantics* and the Pragmatic* thinking qualities respectively, without neither being such.
I will also alter the terms later but I want to think this out loud first.
So in the core we have people who fit in and people who don’t fit in
Essentially, what we are chasing after here is a definition of people who are with the right people and the people who are with subjectively unsuitable people. “I am where I want to be with whom I want to be” and “I am stuck in a life and company that I don’t enjoy.” Happy and contented people and unhappy and hungry people or unhappy and uncomfortable people.
The situation maybe
- You feel unhappy and underchallenged within your own family or in your job or circle of friends and you want new, more challenging friends.
- You are too challenged by others around you and wish they would ease up a little. You may want to find a company that is less intense.
- You may be perfectly happy with the people you’re surrounded by, while some of them want to get away from you because they feel YOU are not suitable for them.
- You may be perfectly happy with the people around you and they feel equally happy to have you in their lives.
At any rate, from situations 1-3 somebody is feeling like they cannot live up to their full potential or are feeling stressed under too many expectations placed on them. (It seems that traditional psychology always wants to pathologize those with the higher ambition.)
Ambition is (also) a sign of wanting to improve your social status or change your friends
Ambition is always the wish to change the situation where you are. If you are in the right group of people, you simply want a better, more respected position within the group, whereas if you are in the wrong group, you want to break away from that group entirely through an achievement that would cement you a position in a more preferred group of people.
Ambition, in the purest form, is the wish to be the best one can be, fuelled by an internal need. However, when the externals get in the way, it means a change of social circles. (Don’t judge. You haven’t been there.)
Respect as a sign of “the Romantics* thinking” and disrespect as a sign of “the Pragmatic* thinking”
the Romantics*, I said, function from the place of respect, while the Pragmatic* function from love/disrespect. This is related to the reaction to the people you truly want to be friends with. Although you respect them, as in you want to be associated with the likes of them, you admire their skill, talent, intelligence, or other virtues, you want to also disrespect them in some sense. A friend to a friend is… Somewhat rough in their approach. They’ll steal your food of your table, they crawl over your body in a crowded room without respect, they fart in your face, and laugh it off. 😀 (Well, you get the idea. :D)
However, a disrespect in, what I called the Pragmatic* thinking is also a sign something other than friendship pending.
When you truly feel like someone is BENEATH you, you may think that OK, I want that person for myself, because they clearly haven’t got much going for them, but I can still make something out of them. So they would essentially be thinking “OK, my self-esteem is not high enough to try and be friends or try and get laid by the people who I ACTUALLY want, but I am CERTAIN, THAT person has no room to feel too good for me, so I’ll have them.” If that person feels quite unflattered by such notions, they may reject that person, leaving them either baffled or insulted or disheartened by such a rejection. “OMG, HOW ON EARTH did I get rejected by THAT PERSON, too?! I lowered my bar to the absolute minimum, and STILL, I get rejected?! HOW DARE THEY?!”
In that situation, this person may feel like the other person SHOULD BE GLAD to have them, and feel they have NO BUSINESS thinking about such things as rejection or getting themselves someone “better”, but simply give in and count their blessings. They may, in some cases, turn brutal in their advances and in their attempt to FORCE this person to stay regardless of their wish to break free.
So disrespect in that sense should not be considered an indication of being right for each other.
Deflated sense of self-importance
When a person has grown up under-appreciated, perhaps, or is simply modest due to lifetimes of religious practice in making oneself modest, they may not realize how welcome they are in other people’s lives or how needed they are. They may accept “rejection” that isn’t a rejection, but a similar sense of “well okay, they don’t really want me, either”.
Good looking people suffer from this very often. It is common for the message to be “don’t think too highly of yourself or think you’re that good looking, and even if you were, nobody gives a shit”. In reality, people DO give a shit about good-looking people, and they ARE a higher commodity in “the dating market” than average looking or less attractive people. So when they react to these constant put-downs as “well, okay, I don’t assume people value me based on my looks” they may react to people with less enthusiasm or expectation than what is realistic to assume. This makes them seem aloof and disinterested, when, in fact, they don’t want to be presumptuous to think that they were THAT GOOD LOOKING or that they would be in any way remarkably good looking, at all.
This, I’ve previously associated with the Romantics* thinking.
So, let’s ponder about new possible terms and see where that takes us
I suggested a new term ‘nester’ for the Pragmatic*-type state that a Romantics* gets into when they meet their True Emotion Mirror. They turn into a Nester. They want to start building a nest, and in some of them, this feeling is so strong, they forget to inform their intended of the fact they expect this relationship to be permanent. (This is absolutely tragicomically hilarious.)
However, the term was brutally rejected by another True Emotion Mirror of mine, who feels it gives the instant connotation of what the previous the Pragmatic* meant; someone who is, from the get go, only wishing to ‘nest’ to get married and have children WITH JUST ANYBODY.
This is, however, in direct link to what kind of people you’re surrounded by. If you are happy to start nesting with ANY person of your current social circles because you fit right in with them, so strongly so that you feel pointing a finger at a random individual close by would give you a good result. They may also be at the lowest rung on the dating ladder, so the only way they can go is up. No matter who they point at is smarter, better looking, sexier, wealthier, more talented, more skilled etc… So why would they care who winds up marrying them, after all, everyone is a step up.
So. In this case, the Pragmatic* thinking reaction, the NESTING phase happens when your energies match The One, and you realize THIS ONE is suitable for me – whether there are more than one suitable partner available.
So. An Enigma / Libertine* born in a village in fuck will nowhere is more than likely to find it VERY DIFFICULT to feel excited about the prospect of forming a family with one of these people. They look around and all they see is desperation. However, put that same person in, let’s say, Hollywood, and all of the sudden, they are starting to see prospects everywhere they look… At least compared to their former situation.
So… It would be a SIGN of finding a True Emotion Mirror (cluster) rather than a sign of a certain personality trait. Also, the need to reject, the feeling of not belonging, all of that is a sign, obviously, that you are NOT with your Right people.
How do you convince a person who has never been (forced to stay) in a company they don’t enjoy, that their company is not wanted?
But how do we convince what I formally called a Flud Thinker that their company is not wanted by someone born right in their midst? How do you convince them, that a person who wants wild sex parties and copious amounts of money to be happy is RIGHT TO pursue those things, even though to THEM those things matter none?
How does one convince a Formally called the Pragmatic* that they don’t have to hang onto their children to dear life and that there is such a virtue as the ability to let go? When you’ve always been where you want to be, and the saddest thing you could think of is a parent who lets go, how do you convince such a parent that THEY are not wanted?
It’s sad, of course, but that is the risk you take when you have a child. It’s the risk you take when you make a friend or go on a date or beg for someone to give you a chance. They may STILL tell you no at the end. They may leave you.
So JUST as I was ready to throw the entire idea of athe Romantics* and the Pragmatic* away, I read some old notes and realize that this is STILL valid:
Some people from the Pragmatic* thinking area ,STILL need to know “then what is the ideal person”? They still want to know what standards to hold themselves to, if there is more choices than one? How do you know you’ve failed as a woman, how do you know you meet the standard? So, what do we do? Do we force them to a standard they can’t possibly reach, or lower the bar so that that everyone can reach it? Do we make a tier system, so that these are the minimum requirements for a woman worthy of love and marriage and reaching this level gives you these rights, and then up the bar until the Alpha female, who gets to say and do whatever the fuck she wants?
That sounds like a good old fashioned way to do it…
Then again, what about a dating protocol? To make it clear what is expected of you when you DATE other people. A) Are you going to fight over dominance? Are you going to assume a certain role? Are you going to be honest or are you a playing kind? Shall we discuss the options of how people go about dating, are we going to TEACH you how to navigate the terrifying world of single people? The main thing is they all keep the fuck away from us.
So the Pragmatic* thing is really just insecurity about something. It’s still just insecurity.
But does a confident person ever go into that a fluid mode: “Tell me how to do it, tell me exactly how you want me to behave so I’ll be good”. Even when you’d take instruction from someone, you’d still say no when they give you an idea that yo udon’t like. You’d go: “No I don’t think I want to take it up the ass” “That’s the expectation. I don’t think men will like you if you don’t llet them ass fuck you.” “Yeah, that’s ok, they don’t have to like me that much.”
The fluid would go “So how often do you have to take it up the tail pipe? How big a cock do I have to take? Is there’ a limit to the size that I don’t have to take anymore, or is it all cocks and all times..?”
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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