How to stop your boyfriend from cheating

Sorry for the provoking heading, but I thought it tells what this post is about. This also applies to girlfriends as well aaand should not be as manipulative as the heading suggests. *yak*

I have never had a problem with cheating boyfriends, as I’ve never had one. There is two reasons for it: A) I do  not assume someone is my boyfriend and that I have an exclusive right to him if we have never uttered the words ‘girlfriend and boyfriend’ before. Fidelity to me starts only after those terms are being thrown around. B) I do not ever assume my boyfriend might cheat on me; I don’t check up on them, I don’t tell them not to (I take it for granted) and I trust them until I have a reason not to. Never have had one. One might claim I am gullible, but I’ve got friends who are not. You knows how the grape wine works in a small town.

Now that I’m talking with my lovers, (in spirit) I do wonder how I will ever be able to deal with the fact that they are all very well known for liking their ladies. They are, many of them, incorrigible skirt chasers, and this is partly the reason why I love them so… And yet, I expect complete fidelity, and in all honesty have no hesitation to do so. (For a poly I’m quite possessive, but it works for all of us.) At the same time; this is the funny thing; I could not DEMAND fidelity, because that is not the kind of girl I am. I expect it, but I don’t ask for it. I won’t even mention it. If a man should ask me if I expect him to be faithful, I’d say something along the lines: “Do as you see fit. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” That should not sound aggressive but playful, so he knows I want him to figure me out. That puts no clue in as to what I expect, and forces him to reveal what he thinks our relationship is about. If he goes with another woman, that’ll tell me where I stand quite plainly, won’t it?

Demanding fidelity takes the fun out of being faithful, and it’s also entitled and disrespectful. He is being told what to do, like a child, and that’s not what love is about. Love gives you absolute freedom – freedom to go and freedom to stay. For as long as a man is with me, there won’t be others, and the day that there is one, I know our relationship is over. That is all there is to it. I won’t fall out of love with him, and it won’t stop our friendship, and I won’t blame him for not being faithful, it simply changes our relationship from being lovers to being just friends. It also doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be heart broken, but not because he “did this to me” but because I didn’t see it coming, or that I misjudged the nature of our relationship, and as an intuitive person that would really hit me hard. I would feel bad if I felt I’d hindered his happiness for a second by keeping him in a relationship he really didn’t want, but hopefully he strayed at the first temptation so there was no time lost for either one of us. The sense of amazement that you feel every time that he comes back to you, every time he knocks back an offer from another woman although he is free to do as he himself chooses… That feels absolutely amazing. I LOVE watching other women hit on my boyfriends. It’s almost a fetish. I simply absolutely love it – and the reason is that I have not told them what to do, how far to go, or what not to do, they value my love over whatever else the girls are offering, and how could you not be flattered and empowered by that? If one day I lose that bet… That’ll be a bitter pill to swallow, but I’ll swallow that with a smile – because if another woman can steal a man from me, she certainly, and without a shadow of a doubt or a hint of spite, truly deserves him. She must be a stronger or True Emotion Mirror* in order to do that, and that is a fair game played.

If you can’t gamble with these bets, you might as well resort to bullying – it still works as men rarely cheat – but it will make the relationship strained.

What to say your girlfriend who demands fidelity?

If your girlfriend demands you to be faithful, tell her calmly and lovingly (like you would to a child), that her comment is out of line, and shows disrespect. Tell her that she has no reason to doubt you, and that should there ever be one occasion when that happens your relationship is over, because you have laid this rule on yourself – and that this rule also applies to her. *Vink* Tell her, that your faithfulness is something she can take for granted for as long as you two are together, and that she doesn’t need to mention it again. Tell her that she can keep taps on you if she wants, but don’t expect you to be running around with your tail between your legs just because she told you so.

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