Don’t argue with a person about who or what label they should use to describe themselves.

When you read my website, you may become really good at noticing the signs of a type of a person. You may realize that OMG, dude, you’re bisexual, not straight! Or that your girlfriend is actually polygynous, not straight, that your co-worker is dog-type, whatever. Lots of definitions on my website.

It is not a good idea to keep arguing with a person if they insist on their previous identity. Having your ego altered, having your idea of yourself altered by another person is not a nice feeling. It may easily lead to a situation, where that person refuses to accept a truth of themselves just to spite you if you keep pushing it.

Rather, back down, say you might be mistaken if they don’t feel that way, it just looked to you that way for a moment. Trust me,  they will remember what you said. They will absolutely remember you told them you thought they were gay or bi when they insisted they’re straight. They absolutely will remember you pointed out that their True Emotion Mirror is someone other than their spouse. You don’t need to ram this home for them. Just agree with them, back off, and give them a few days or a year or two to let it sink in for them over time. The fact you’ve pointed out the possibility for them will be a tremendous help for them, but NOT if you stay there locking them into what is called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the sensation when a new potentially unpleasant piece of information is trying to alter a person’s previously positive self-image into something else.) If you keep pushing that, they’ll keep on protecting themselves from that new view of self.

Also, don’t argue about what you are or are not.

It also is not very helpful to argue against another person who has decided you are something you’re not. They claim you’re gay, bi, or straight against whatever you previously thought, and since you’ve done your thinking and have no issues accepting realities, you know without a shadow of a doubt you are what you are.

So, just say you don’t think so but maybe they’re right. Ask them to explain why they think that way. Ask for them to share with you the signs that tell them what they think is real. Point out parts that don’t resonate with you “but I don’t feel that way.” If they insist that it doesn’t matter, because this or that, tell them “Oh, OK, keep going.” They should eventually come to a conclusion their view of you might not be accurate and leave you be.

When a person’s new label fits them so well it gives them no resistance to accept it…

There are times when you point out to someone that “hey, but you realize you’re a bisexual, right?” and they go: “oh my god I am!” and they’re so happy about this realization they want to give YOU the same feeling by eventually pointing it out to you that YOU are bisexual, too, and you go: “bitch, no. I’m not. I’m as straight/gay as they come!” and they keep persisting, because TO THEM the new label felt like a PERMISSION, when to you it just sounds like a poorly-fitting label, they may think you just want to hear it from them (again and again) or something.

They may also feel you tricked them into accepting a new (shameful) label, but won’t follow them into the darkness so to speak. They may feel you betrayed them by making them admit to something they don’t want to be alone – without you as their friend, maybe.

Try accepting that label the same way as before: “You know what, maybe I am. I don’t think that I am but what do you see in me that makes you think that way?” It’s possible that they just had an idea YOU were hitting on them by turning them into the same gender or something but that wasn’t your intention, maybe they got their hopes up. You ask them what makes them think that way, and the only thing they can think of is “well I have a crush on you, and I wish you have a crush on me, too…” That’s not a very good reason, and it’s certainly not a reason that someone with a normal way of thinking is willing to share with you at that moment.

Just let them think on it for a while, and ask them to give you the reasons later… While you keep identifying as a CIS-gendered straight person or something.

Why bisexuals are a bit troublesome sometimes.

Bisexuals, by the way, have NO IDEA why a person’s sex matters to your orientation. They may fully believe everyone chooses their “sexual orientation” as per the norm of it, not by how they feel about the genders. They may eventually understand it RATIONALLY that this is how people feel, but they might never accept that being straight or gay is also a thing.

You may get it this way: “Oh you know… I COULD tell you that I’m bisexual and then keep on having sex with the opposite gender, but then people would think I’m ASHAMED of being bisexual, and THAT would be embarrassing for me. It’s just that I am not sexually attracted to the same gendered people, and I CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE having sex with them. I could SAY I’m bi, but it would be even MORE embarrassing if people thought I shouldn’t act on it for some reason.”

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