Is non-committal sex harmful to your psyche?

When I was younger, I was warned a lot about the dangers of non-committal sex. I assume the same warning still goes around.

Particularly with women, the assumption is that commitment and permanence is the key to happy sex life, but I do have to, again, point out that what breaks one person makes another. When it comes to sex, the key question is: Do you want it? Do you want it now, with this person? The question isn’t, are you male or female? What age you are? What is your relationship status? Or do you think this person will stick around for the rest of your life? Those questions may be relevant to those to whom they are relevant, but not for everybody.

First of all, people have different kinds of needs in relationships – either casual or permanent – and their need for certain conditions in sexual relationships varies a lot. What breaks one person doesn’t break all – but what breaks everyone is conducting your sexual relationships to make them look right to someone else, ignoring who YOU are. Whether you avoid having sex fearing the slut label or a player label, or the label of a sexual abuser or a rapist, whether you’re forced to have sex because you don’t want people to think you’re a prude or maybe gay, whether you have sex with certain type of people to prove you are *not* attracted to another type, these are all horrible reasons to have or to avoid having sex.

The truth is, tho, that being labeled a rapist is genuinely scary – but just about as damaging as it once was to be labeled a slut or a whore.

You have to trust something; whatever you are or do out of your truthful self, whyever you did to avoid or hide from your true self, there will be people who will understand you and those who will try to attack you for it. Thanks to Amber Heard and Rachel Evan Woods, people have quickly learned to think twice before they believe female accusers, no matter how far they are willing to take their false accusations and for whatever reason. We don’t have to UNDERSTAND why a woman would lie about something like that, but we can certainly say for sure that they do, and we now know they do. That is a good thing. If ladies Heard and Woods have ever done a good thing to the world, being bad liars was one of them. The truth will always come out.

Lying to yourself is always harmful to your psyche. Always. Without a single exception. Whatever you do, sexually or otherwise, whomever you have to lie to, never lie to yourself about it… You probably will, anyway, but as soon as you catch yourself lying to yourself, quit it. It never results to a good thing. The truth is the only thing that matters. Everything else is… Well. Not true. Not real. Non-existent. Not important and definitely not worth protecting.

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