Don’t assume beautiful people don’t get bullied.
There is one thing you should probably understand about beautiful people; they get bullied.
A lot.
Often by their own parents, but that’s a topic of its own. (Just think of a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder watching a gorgeous teenager develop to take his or her place in the pecking order. A child that was supposed to be his or her ego-extension now develops to become their #1 rival Snow White style. Not that a narcissistic parent NEEDS their child to be good-looking to feel threatened by their aging and gaining skills and confidence, but it certainly doesn’t help matters.)
Talk behind their back.
With other people, it’s just a different type of bullying, mostly talking behind their backs to talk them down – to diminish their worth in the eyes of other people. Normal-looking people feel the need to compete against the beautiful and to level the playing field a lot, they may resort to backstabbing strategies and ill-talk. If nothing else, they will put in the message that “good looks are not everything” (they aren’t) and that people who ARE swayed by good looks are shallow and easily led. Ironically, this strategy probably only ever works on beautiful people who DO value good looks (otherwise, they wouldn’t bother with it themselves) so they feel constant guilt about being vain and shallow.
People who they like back feel weirded out by it.
And then, there are the direct attacks from particularly people they like the most. The reason is that loving someone gorgeous is scary when they seem to love you back. People tend to react to it quite negatively; they assume you’re joking, you’re making fun of them, and they react accordingly.
People are used to running after beautiful people, but they’re not used to being approached, let alone chased by one, so they’re going to be suspicious about their approaches. They’re fine for as long as the beautiful person is lukewarm or even reluctant, but when they seem as interested as you are, they may lash out quite without thinking… And that starts to wear on someone who should, by the looks of things, be married for the 5th time by now… 😉
If a beautiful person complains about anything to do with beauty, they won’t get any sympathy.
Also, if a beautiful person complains about any of this, the reactions are rarely sympathetic. They’ll face more bullying, put-downs, and personal attacks. If they express frustration about the fact that they’ve kept themselves in shape, they mind their manners, they’re nice to people and kind to animals, they’ve got a job and a good, reliable income, and STILL they’re single, people assume it’s because they’re a dick or a bitch and all that other stuff is just a front – how else do you explain it? (Oh, so many ways.)
In contrast, when people complain about the consequences of their OTHER life choices, sympathy is to be found. They laugh off the complications and keep going. Not so with the choice of staying beautiful; fit, and styled.
Super extra nice.
Even though people “hate them” they still want to date them, be their friends, and hire them, because having beautiful friends, acquaintances, workers, and lovers is good for your overall image, but normal people are constantly on edge and ready to attack at the smallest sign of trouble.
This means good-looking people are constantly forced to be EXTRA SUPER NICE to everyone ALL THE TIME, and it’s freaking stressful on a person. They can’t just walk past someone’s desk and not acknowledge them without being talked about behind their back: “Oh, she’s such a self-conceited bitch…” “Oh, he’s SOOO full of himself, he thinks everyone fawns on him simply because he’s got chiseled jaws and he needs to show NO effort” (which is what THEY think not him,) because people WISH for their acknowledgment even if that person doesn’t even realize this. If they act as everyone else does, people judge that behavior like they were a celebrity at a fan meet and greet, and they just ignored half of their fans!
They’re simultaneously required to be UNAWARE of their own good looks, non-assuming, and humble, AND treat everyone super extra nice BECAUSE they’re so much better looking than everybody else.
Self-maintained idea of self.
They are also always forced to maintain their own idea of their own looks objective because people will both exaggerate their comments and shoot down beautiful people. If a beautiful person EVER describes themselves as “beautiful” or “good-looking,” they will get an instant hate reaction, whereas a regular person can completely over-blow their idea of their own looks and get nothing but praise and encouragement as a response. So. If you say on a social media post that “Oh, I love how I am a gorgeous, beautiful person,” and nobody calls you ugly or “not that good-looking,” or something more specifically unattractive, you know you’re just plain ugly to others. Hopefully, at least somebody calls you fat or too skinny.
People can also try to make beautiful people laugh by calling them ugly, but if you get that a lot, it may start wearing on you, and you can actually start thinking maybe your self-image is absolutely warped beyond recognition, similarly as anorectics keep seeing themselves as fat. So there is a risk of giving a beautiful person an unrealistic negative self-image if they rarely get positive reinforcement… But then the opposite is also true; people tend to reinforce a positive self-image of a genuinely ugly/unattractive person by repeating to them that they’re beautiful, thinking they hear the opposite a lot – but truly ugly people rarely do… Because when it’s as bad as a medical condition, normally people don’t want to point it out and rub it in.
Beautiful people are not allowed to be boring without consequences.
If a beautiful person is as boring as the majority of people are, people are going to go around saying, “They look nice, but they’re stupid/boring,” a comment nobody would feel important to say about a normal-looking person because we’d be surprised if they were entertaining despite their boring looks. (Because if you’re entertaining, you usually also wish to entertain with your looks.) If they ever have a bad day, people think it’s “their true self” coming out. People are so eager to find flaws in them that whatever small reason they get is being slammed on them as a permanent stamp.
Love from haters – hate from lovers.
On the other hand, people strive to like them, they go out of their way to like beautiful people because it’s nice to be around them. So from one end, you get this kiss-assery of people who try to like them even if they don’t, and on the other hand, they get attacks from people who like them but wish they didn’t. On top of that, other beautiful people avoid getting into relationships with them because they fear the label of being shallow and only think of other people’s looks because regular-looking people keep attacking them for not giving them the time of their day “simply because of their looks.”
Why do you look at me when you hate me?
Beautiful people can be under constant attack from certain people and not even understand why the fuck they even care… Axl Rose wrote it down quite well, so I won’t repeat it.
Good-looking people are not good-looking in order to impress regular-looking people by the way. That’s why they don’t often understand why the fuck do regular people keep pestering them for relationships and attention, as it’s NOT FOR THEM. They are good-looking, so they’d be enough. THEY FEEL beauty is the LEAST you can do for your partner, and if you’re not doing it for them, they feel modest-looking people wishing for a romance with them are rather presumptuous and entitled and asking a lot for nothing.
Still, men especially can completely overestimate how good-looking they need to be in order to be good-looking enough even for a modest-looking woman. However, women don’t usually try to be good-looking ENOUGH for regular-looking guys, but they want to be enough for good-looking men (not even rich and famous men, just handsome men, even though it’s unlikely riches and fame would be a negative thing in a man), but definitely not to impress ordinary-looking women, let alone ordinary-looking men. It is good for handsome men to know that good-looking women are willing to put in the effort for a man, in MORE THAN just their looks, and if not, they’ll quickly point that out with their attitude.
What are good looks?
And, just to cut the bullshit… Everybody is beautiful in their own way, SURE, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.
I’m talking about good fitness and healthy habits (or, to be fair, habits that haven’t caught up with you yet, because people don’t get old and ugly; they get unfit and thus ugly). I’m talking about a certain styling that, even on your worst day, would take no more than 24 hours to be red-carpet-ready in your size 0… (To be fair, a size or two above your ideal weight is probably acceptable, as long as you genuinely intend to drop it at your first opportunity – it’s easy to get into bad habits, but the difference is that some of us enjoy life in the fat weight, some enjoy life in slim weight – that’s the big difference between beautiful people and regular people; beautiful people GENUINELY ENJOY being beautiful – slim, and yes, those things are very much synonymous with very, very, very few exceptions.) Beauty cannot allow a lot of extra weight, and that’s just the way it is. No amount of contouring makeup, hair spray, and nail art can fix that, no matter how much people like to boost their ego to believe the opposite outwardly.
However… The good news is… It is a decision. It takes dedication. It takes COURAGE because of all of the stuff I wrote above. And lastly, the fuck I (we) care if you disagree.
And obviously, being loved and lovable doesn’t require good looks, but to be loved by a person who loves beauty DOES very freaking likely, require good looks because true lovers need to share their authentic ideals, beauty ideals even as the top priority, with their partner. (Sure, you can find a LONG TERM partnership with someone with different ideals, but… I’d hesitate to call it true love… And mind you, whenever I see a mismatched couple, I tend to feel one of them feels unfairly short-changed, usually him.)
Save the pity, tho.
And before you feel a pity party coming on, there’s no need. EACH AND EVERY beautiful person CHOOSES to be beautiful because beauty is the EASIEST THING in this world to lose if you don’t want it. With everything that it costs a person, beautiful people feel it is worth the drama… This means, by the way, to beautiful people that they WILL NOT and CANNOT ever find people who appreciate their good looks among regular-looking people because, to them, all of that is NOT WORTH THE DRAMA.
What used to be easy to maintain in our 20’s, too, is not easy past 40. In our 20s, first of all, we’re MOTIVATED because we’re still looking; we go out all the time, we dance, we walk to places to hang out, we MOVE CONSTANTLY, we forget to eat because we have stuff to do, and maintaining a low weight, even with pretty bad habits is quite easy. The true test starts past 30’s when staying slim requires management, and it stops being a half-accident. If you don’t have terrible eating habits, you can stay relatively slim for 10 years without exercise, but “age” catches up without attention… But what we call “age” in our 40’s is truly just layers of fat, nothing more. As far as feeling young goes, there is NOTHING as rejuvenating as losing excess weight.
And… There are people who feel the effort is worth it, for whatever reason… And then there are those who don’t.
And those of us who value beauty should not feel ashamed of wanting to stay fit. It is not FOR YOU to be loved despite your slumped looks. YOU WANT TO BE loved for your looks, and as such, the gym and healthy shakes are going to be your shame to swallow, even if you thought you’re “a natural beauty.” The beautiful thing in all of this is that there’s no such thing as effortless beauty. That shit has to be earned, and you’re FINE wanting to do something about your falling jaw line.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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