The Savants* are silk glove people. They are polite, they are considerate, they have manners of lords and ladies, and they never say anything negative straight up. They pick up on each other’s meaning by a slight hint of a word, a glance, a delay in the answer; between the lines. When they are among their own kind, this is easy as anything. This is a second nature, something they do without thinking, every time they open their mouth or choose to close it.

The Normal Person* are not like that. They prefer the truth point blank no matter what it is. They do not get offended… Sometimes it seems they do not have a point you can target in order to offend them, and that, sometimes, sucks, but they do prefer to be told, point blank, what is expected of them.

The Savants* always feel the Normal Person* do not know how to keep their noses out of other people’s business, and the pains the Savants* go through trying to hint and imply that their curiosity is not welcome and their involvement is not appreciated, the Normal Person* cheerfully ignore all objections and carry on as if nothing had happened.

At worst, they simply feel the Savants* is hiding something because they are doing something criminal or they are criminally bad at what they are doing and they don’t even want their friends to be privy of it. The Normal Person* feels they have to patch things up for them; polish the exterior so their failings and lacks of the Savants* are not so obvious.

The last thing they would expect is that the reason the Savants* is not telling them anything is because the Savants* doesn’t want them involved in whatever they are doing, and the reason why they are not wishing for involvement has nothing to do with criminal activity or incompetence, but, much more likely; They do not trust the Normal Person*’s professionalism or their understanding on how they want things done. They view the Normal Person* incapable, not by will, but by their ability to help. Their way of thinking is also so different, that the Savants* often has a lot of different things going at the same time, they know sorting it all out takes time, and the Normal Person* is makeing a mess of the complicated mesh of things that the Savants* is working on, and always demanding him to simplify because the Normal Person* cannot understand the process, so the Savants* gets frustrated and tries to keep the Normal Person* from getting involved, kind of like someone trying to build a house of cards; delicate and often seemingly useless process that only the builder themselves values when studied closer.

The Savants* often dabbles with arts, philosophy, or unproven science, and they KNOW it is difficult to justify their involvement with such things. An Savant* statement would be: 

Timing, perseverance, and ten years of trying will eventually make you look like an overnight success.

– Biz Stone

Now… The thing I am getting to is this. The Savants* need to know they do not need to sugar coat things for the Normal Person*. They are not judgemental. They are just annoyingly helpful. All they want is for you to be happy, and they would do ANYTHING to make that happen. Including, not limited to, to butt out.

You have two choices:

Explain exactly what it is that you are trying to achieve, and how they can help. Tell them what they are NEVER to do, and the clearer you can make their part in the plan, the better. The clearer you can make boundaries for them, the better.

Or.

Tell them that you do not want them involved in your life, or certain areas of life.

You have to deliver this statement strongly, without feeling guilty about it, because they always think you are “just saying that” and that you really wish they’d  help but you feel they are not offering enough help, and they will thrive to prove to you that they will do anything at all, including dress up in French Maid outfits if you ask them to (even if they were a known building contractor weighing as much as a grown male gorilla). 

“There is nothing you can do for me.” Is the saddest thing they will ever hear, but they will accept it if it feels like your fate is such that there is simply no way your people can stick out for you.

You need to convince them that you mean what you say, and it is not “a cry for help”, a cry that, no matter how faint, the Normal Person*, God bless their little cotton socks, hears from the opposite side of the world.

A better approach still is: “I don’t want to tell you about my life/private affairs/ work. I like these things private.” And your the Normal Person* will be OK with that. The reason why the Savants* keep giving information even though this is how they feel, is because they sense the worry in the Normal Person*, and they want to give them enough information to ease that worry…. but it won’t work.

This character trait is the most lovable thing about the Normal Person*, and the most infuriating for someone who is dead set on achieving their goals alone – without help – by definition! To a lot of the Savants* an achievement isn’t an achievement if it is a group effort, and they want to do things ALONE so they know exactly what they are capable of. So any the Normal Person* help then, everything that they can say they helped with, is a HUGE CHUNK of pleasure and sense of achievement taken away from the Savants* once he or she achieves their goal. This is why a lot of the Savants* never feel like they’ve achieved anything because they always need to admit that there was someone to help them out.

So when the Savants* declares: “Nobody helped me, I am self-taught, I did it all on my own” is the height of pride they can feel, and for the Normal Person*, that probably sounds: “Nobody loves me, I had to do all of this on my own just to find people who would care for me… Do you love me now?”

the Savants*: Say it straight to them. No beating around the bush. Straight up.
the Normal Person*: Don’t say anything for a bit. They’ll notice it, hopefully without you saying anything. If they don’t, then say something. Try to be a little more sensitive to the unspoken emotions in people and perhaps ask for clarification when you are not sure what it is that you are picking up on.

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