Do you feel ridiculous because you want love or sex so much?

It is ridiculous, you know that, to feel ridiculous for wanting love or thinking you’d be hot enough for someone to want to have sex with you? You know it, logically, that you’re quite good enough, but yet, you can’t quite convince your mind it is ridiculous to feel ridiculous, and then you feel a bit more ridiculous.

You kind of feel that if people knew how much you expect or wish to be loved – both of those things – they’d think you’re stupid. Ridiculous. Who would ever love you? You know this is illogical, rationally, you know they’d probably say the opposite, maybe. “If you don’t deserve love, who does?!” Maybe you feel that you could be loved, sure, but not by people worthy of you – which is, another illogical thought.

The thing is, you don’t have to be perfect to be loved, right? You will deny your lover(s) the right to heal you, to give you that rush of falling for you; taking your insecurities and flaws and telling you they love you anyway.

Then you fear that what if you got too close to perfection and you’d then become unlovable because you’ve already solved all your issues yourself… You’ll answer to every love confession with “Oh, I know. I’m great, aren’t I?” 😀 And you’ll become… Quite unlovable.

And THIS IS where I got stuck for years: My fear of perfection. I know it sounds RIDICULOUS, TOO, that I fear being so perfect that I can not be loved because of it. If perfection was even achievable, which it isn’t, perfection is always subjective, but subjective perfection is quite achievable, luckily for us perfectionists. 😀 But perfection denies the possibility of imperfection in itself. The perfectly chosen, carefully crafted, and placed imperfections bring on perfection. This means that a perfect person is perfectly lovable.

At the beginning of the spectrum, you may not be lovable to a lot of people, but you will be lovable to those who fall for people’s weaknesses and flaws, not their perfection. Anywhere onwards from there, you are lovable to an ever-growing number of people.

It’s like we all have this linear in mind, from perfectly unlovable to perfectly lovable, and we all exist somewhere on that spectrum. At first, your lovability increases as long as there is even one single flaw in your thinking… But once you get to the end of the line; perfectly lovable, you simultaneously become perfectly unlovable for and free from those who love people’s imperfections, and you become perfectly lovable for those who love… Perfection.

The circle closes.

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