Some people do not have a casual chit chat mode at all. There’s nothing wrong.

Some people (dog-type) have a habit of signaling relaxation and that everything is fine by chit-chatting about nothing in particular. They make remarks about the weather, run a task list of things to do for the day, dappidedoodaa of nothing in particular when everything is fine. Some people, the Savants*, NEVER do this. This doesn’t mean there’s always something wrong in their world; it actually means there’s never a particular time when they were feeling nervous, angry, or scared without much of a reason to; otherwise, they’d express it. The Savants* is so rarely anxious that they express it when they are, and dog types are so rarely completely relaxed and feeling safe that they express it when they’re not.

However, if you find yourself with a Savants* who seems never to relax, it may well be that there’s nothing wrong with them, and you should trust them when they tell you so. It may be emotionally difficult to believe, but maybe knowing this will help you with that. If, however, you are a Savants* with the Normal Person* who seems never to stop digging up what’s wrong and how they can help you (your mom), it helps them to relax when you start talking about nothing in particular.

the Savants* people love a good deep conversation and pondering things, they like intellectual matters and intense stuff, that’s what’s relaxing to them. When they sit in quiet contemplation or try have deep and meaningful conversations, it would be absolutely wrong to assume they’re distressed or anxious about something. You should worry when they don’t do these things with you. If a Savants* DOES NOT trust you with their inner world, talk to you about their feelings, you know they’ve lost their love and respect for you, especially if they start arguing with you rather than trying to connect and build understanding between you two. That’s when you really have to start listening to their words because if you ignore their need to connect with you intellectually, trying to flip the “anxious” conversation to shallow and meaningless chit-chat, you will lose them forever, even if they’re your only child. They feel you’re invalidating their feelings, ignoring their emotional needs, and forcing them to have no real connection with you whatsoever. They’ll accept the no connection eventually, and you’ll find out only after you haven’t heard from them for years.

For the Savants*, it is important to know that if you want the dog type out of your business, you have to force yourself to talk about nonsense with them. Even if it sounds completely fake, they’ll get the message: “I’m not trusting you with this; go away.” There’s no point trying to calm their mind trying to tell them everything is OK, you know what you’re doing if your tone of voice is serious and meaningful. They’ll only hear “everything is fine” when your tone is as chirpy and light as a clueless Instagram influencer talking about the latest makeup foundation. The less interesting the topic, the better. Try to excitedly tell your mom about how much you’re bench pressing works in most cases. 😉

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