Ego-love vs. brain love

When we feel love, we can feel it in different parts of our bodies. We all know heart-love, it is a love of compassion and “like,” a common type of love. We can also love from the eyes, which is an ambition-based love, a greedy feeling of potentially having someone who doesn’t really belong to us. We can feel another form of ego-love, which is the humility-ego; you’d feel like a better person if you loved this person, and if you want to feel like a good person, you trick your heart to feel compassion and love for this person. A very false type of love.

However, you’re never truly in love until your brain, too, falls in love. When your brain feels excited to be in the company of someone who is completely in sync with you. When you look into their eyes and see the Universe. This is the love every person who has ever experienced in any lifetime will wish for but too often wind up in some form of ego-relationship regardless.

Ego up and ego down.

When our ego is the driving force in our relationships, we may pull it down and settle for less than what we deserve in order to feel like a humble person. We do this to polish a halo; to fit in. We can up the ego and go for someone who is a bit above our weight class – someone who doesn’t TRULY love us, but we’d feel like a victor if we managed to secure a relationship with that person.

When you’ve ego upped, you’re constantly worried about losing that person to someone else or just them walking out on you bored or displeased. When you have ego downed, you feel bored and unfulfilled and somewhat indifferent to the idea of winding up divorced from this person. You assume it’s going to be you filing for the divorce. (There is a danger of that person having less of an ego than you, and them leaving you knowing you’re not meant to be, and that can sting quite a bit for those who have ego downed.) Ego downing also feels like trying to accept something as “good for you” when it doesn’t really feel that way. You feel short-changed in that relationship.

Everybody is an expression of their own idea of perfection.

Everybody is their own expression of their idea of perfection. Perfection, in a person’s mind, can contain a lot of humility and ordinary things. Their ideal partner is very much like them. The irony is, when you meet someone who is exactly like yourself, you think they are the coolest person in the world and you don’t feel like you should expect yourself to be good enough for them. This is why ego-love happens so often; when you meet someone who is ALMOST RIGHT you think they are a little LESS than you, and that gives you the self-confidence to pursue them. Ego equals feel scary to you, and you find they feel just as scared to be with you, as the other way around.

Ego equal = your brain falls in love.

When your brain falls in love, you are BOTH equally impressed by each other. They fit your idea of the perfect person; the perfect life partner. They, to you, are almost the unattainable dream you fear to trust would be waiting for you. But the thing to realize is that they don’t appear that way to everybody.

Your ego equal people don’t need you to pretend to be anything you’re not. You can be just the way you are and they’ll love you – the same isn’t true with ego-unequal people. They need you to pretend to be much like them so they’ll love you more. People always want you to be more like them for them to love you more – but the irony with the ego-equal people is that it is scary to be yourself around a person who you think is perfect! To trust them to love you for the same qualities others would reject you for. You know the things that others find irritating about you – to your ego equal people, those qualities are delicious. They want you to be possessive, talk about the things that matter to you, be selfish (because your selfishness is their gain) and to be obnoxiously you.

You may fear they’re not even real.

The other danger is, that when someone is exactly what you want them to be, you fear they are very good at pretending to be that way. You may reject them in the fear that they are pretending to be your ideal person. You fear that they’re doing this “oh, me too!” thing to everything you say on automation to gain your approval. This is why it is for the best to be yourself IN PUBLIC, same in front of everybody, so they can see a track record of you being perfect…ly weird.

Still, the best self-defence against ego-love is to be obnoxiously you no matter where you are, no matter with whom you are, and keep turning the wrong people off because you’re a bit of an a-hole, if you’re being honest. (We all are, trust me. 😉 )

And, by the way; this is also why you need a steady income. You need money to be an a-hole, because you need to be able to support yourself when nobody feels their ego is being stroked around you. The good news is; social media is damned near built for this, and that’s the job of the future for sure; being who you authentically are in public, and be paid to be so.

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