the Survivalist*, is someone you know CONSTANTLY angry with you?

You might be in a relationship with someone who is not calming down around you. They keep trying to dominate you, but then, once you submit, they don’t really take the role of a dominant – they won’t take responsibility in the relationship. They keep appeasing you, even though periodically they act dominating, but they won’t stay there.

So you may wonder why YOU are called the Survivalist*. The reason why I call you the Survivalist* is that you don’t care whether you’re the dominant or the submissive, as long as you know the hierarchy. You’ll easily the Survivalist* between the roles as required and stay there, given the chance.

In contrast, the Idealists* have only one modality: equal, but if you don’t accept the position of their equal, they will try and push you back if you dominate, and submit if you submit (if they still like you). That said, they’ll try, endlessly, to equalize the relationship. You will simultaneously try and establish who is the top and who is the bottom, endlessly.

A relationship with another the Survivalist*

When you are in any type of relationship with another the Survivalist*, you will quickly and easily establish the dominant and submissive roles. You understand how the relationship dynamic works, and you’ll live a relatively easy life with them.

You may also be in a relationship with a Idealists*, who has simply given up hope of an equal relationship and has permanently submitted to your wishes. They are not happy being under your thumb, by the way, but they’ve settled for it. The last thing they want to do is to be dominating (because they don’t like dominating people so they don’t want to be that way themselves), so they’ll submit instead.

Still, another the Survivalist* will result into a relatively peaceful co-existence very easily, and you are both equally happy either way, as long as the dominant is confident and knows what they’re doing.

A relationship with a Idealists*

A relationship with a Idealists*, to you, is going to be a challenge. Either they are an unsatisfied and unsatisfying family member, co-worker, partner, or a friend because they feel they don’t have room to breathe around you. They feel like it always has to be your way or no way at all, which is true, because if you’ve reached the dominant position, you assume everyone is happy following your lead to everything, and that they are grateful you’re doing the heavy lifting.

That is not always the case, however. An the Idealists* feel that you are a suffocating personality, and let me be perfectly frank: the Idealists* DO NOT LIKE YOUR KIND. An the Idealists* TRIES TO respect other people for as much and for as long as they can, but eventually, if you’re not allowing them the space they need in the relationship with you, THEY ARE GOING TO lose that respect for you, and when that happens, their love, whatever amount of it they felt so far, dies the same moment.

This is when you start respecting them because you see them rising toward the dominant position, and you admire that, and this is when the relationship turns truly toxic, as they will not dominate you, no matter what, and you will think they don’t trust you to accept the role of a submissive.

They try to put distance between you two

At first, when a Idealists* feel that they want the relationship to end, they’ll try to reduce the amount of contact they give you. You may not notice this, frankly, some are so subtle about it that even another the Idealists* doesn’t notice this. Their reasons can also be so small, that you don’t know why they would feel that’s an excuse for a relationship ending.

Complete loss of respect

When a Idealists* loses their respect towards someone, they try to cut you out of their lives completely. This is a result of someone NOT giving them the space requested. If the relationship is also filled with arguments, attempts to dominate, the Idealists* find their respect hard to hold onto.

A clip from a conversation between Johnny Depp (the Idealists*) and Amber Heard (the Survivalist*) after a physically violent argument: Amber says, excusing her violent behavior, and I’m paraphrasing: “Honey, I could never over-power you! You have always been the strongest!” (Obvious, he’s a man.) Johnny replies, sounding disappointed and defeated by the entire notion of it: “But why did you try?”

An the Idealists* doesn’t understand WHY there has to be a dominant or submissive in a relationship, and why people just can’t be equal friends in it?

The Idealists* rationale for ending relationships completely

An the Idealists* will try and separate from people amicably whenever they can. They’ll try, to the end, preserve the peace and mutual respect, even if the relationship is going to end. However, the Survivalist* don’t always allow this to happen, but interpret the attempts of a breakup as a challenge for themselves: “Are you SERIOUS about me or are you just playing…”

the Idealists* don’t truly understand that kind of thinking, as they feel relationships should be a joy, something akin to ice cream or chocolate, you have it because you WANT TO, not because you have to prove to be resilient enough to have your salad every day. Therefore, they don’t see NO POINT interacting with a toxic person, which is what they consider the Survivalist* who cannot let them be equal, nor separate from them, to be. I know you don’t like such words, because you’re always there for everyone, you’re always the one who has to DO EVERYTHING and CONTACT PEOPLE for get-togethers.

Aggression

As the Survivalist* like to dominate and submit, they often reassure their friends and family members by dominant behavior: “I’m still here, I’m still looking out for you, don’t worry.” An the Idealists* doesn’t understand it that way, but hears: “I am still fucking dissatisfied with the way you are, you don’t learn, I am sick of your shit.” Therefore, they try and stay out of your way, given you don’t like them, and they are severely starting to dislike you, too.

If you don’t allow them that distance, they will turn aggressive toward you. You are doing two things that they hate more than anything in the world: You are simultaneously showing them disrespect by nagging at them like they were a child AND stopping them from breaking up with you so you could both get a fresh start and find new, more pleasant people to share a life with. You’re both locking them into a relationship AND making that relationship impossible to tolerate.

Once they lose their respect for you, they’ll stop accommodating you, they’ll stop playing along with you, as in, they will STOP SUBMITTING TO YOU, and saving your feelings. They will start talking straight with you, and half of it, you’ll put down to “bullshit” and “testing you” or “finally trusting you to not leave”.

Once they turn aggressive, you start feeling like they’re not as weak as you thought they were. They, on the other hand, like themselves less, because they HATE dominant, aggressive people, and now, you’ve forced them to be one. To act like an animal. All they want is to get away from the person who makes them think less of themselves just to protect their own space.

You may think they don’t know how relationships work

the Survivalist* tend to pride themselves in knowing how relationships work. The truth is, you know how the Survivalist*-relationships work, but you have no idea how the Idealists* relationships work. To be fair, the Idealists* don’t know how the Survivalist* relationships work, either. Neither is good or bad, but let me tell you this: the Idealists* will figure you out much faster than what you will because you think like dogs and people know how dogs think. 😉 (the Survivalist* make natural dog trainers, by the way, but not for sporting spaniels that are gentile the Idealists* in nature and require a very soft hand.)

The best thing you can do for a Idealists* is to leave them alone. That doesn’t mean “stop bugging them”, although that would be nice, too, what it means, is that make them single, if this is a romantic relationship. They won’t miss you. If they’re your grown-up child “abandon them”, as you’d say. The best thing you can do once they stop submitting to you… Or, alternatively, learn to submit to them without them having to deliberately FORCE YOU TO. In a romantic relationship, however, and the Idealists* doesn’t really like a submissive much more than they like a dominant, but a sub is certainly a nicer partner than a dominant one.

Just, if you notice someone is a Idealists*, don’t make them act like a teenaged bag of hormones near you, just because you have to figure out who’s the dom. Let them be the dom as it makes no difference to you.

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