The Ladder Theory Rehash
I must give a little bit of a trigger warning here, as I think this is going to be a little… Unpleasant, to say the least. I’ve tried to avoid including anything suggesting a human value hierarchy into the Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology or the Physio/Sapio-values theory, but it seems not to make much sense to 90% of people without it.
I am not suggesting, however, that human value is in question here, not at all. Everyone is equal in that regard. What we’re measuring here is the different level of people’s ability to make another level person feel genuinely happy and fulfilled in an intimate relationship, as in “my cup of tea or not my cup of tea”.
Now… The following might be too graphic for some audiences.
The Ladder
Imagine everyone in this world are categorized from 1-10 based on how desirable they are in terms of dating and friendship. People who you collect around yourself as “your people”, “your lover(s)”. Although the way a person is perceived differs a little from person to person, and theoretically, each person’s true love is in the same category as themselves.
For a full 10, you have to be beautiful, smart, philosophical, and morally flawless. “Morality” is a confusing one, because a lot of people simplify it to sexual chastity, but to a lot of cat 10 people, moral non-monogamy is quite OK. Morality also is a concept MUCH, MUCH wider than simple “sexual morals”, and this is something the lower category people often fail at, BADLY.
Dating from above
Everyone is willing to date and befriend people who are higher on the ladder than themselves. Nobody is excited about the prospect of dating and befriending people from beneath them. Everybody wants to date and befriend either their equals or superior people, and the “full 10’s” the top-ranking people, only want to date their true equals.
That doesn’t mean that people don’t date down, not at all. Otherwise, it would be pointless to TRY date from a bracket above you, but people try and succeed at it all the time.
1’s and 10’s share something
On the ladder divided by values from 1-10, the full 10’s and the 1’s have a different experience to everyone else on the ladder (2-9). Everyone else have people above the and people below them, except tens and ones. Therefore, neither the 1’s and 10’s can truly easily understand the social behavior of those above them nor those beneath them.
The 10’s perspective
The 10’s are always accepted and chased for friendships, love, and sex. They are always wanted and rejected only for two possible reasons. One is as a means to “drop them down a peg”. To show them that “they have an ego” whether they do or don’t. The other reason for the 10’s to get rejected is nuances in the value system of 10’s among 10’s, or another full 10 already romantically entangled to the person in question. (Three is a crowd.)
In essence, they only ever get strongly fake rejected, every TRUE rejection otherwise is gentle and respectful. “I know you’re a great person, it’s just that I’m looking for something different”. They also take rejection quite easily, because they, themselves reject good people ALL THE TIME, so they don’t see why there’s anything upsetting about being rejected. But what they FEAR is having lost sight of the ladder, and winding up being the idiot who is sexually harassing someone who isn’t the least bit interested in them sexually. This also applies to full 10 women.
If they have a good self-esteem, they don’t fake reject anyone. Therefore, when they get fake rejected, they tend to take it seriously. Fake rejection is used by anarchist full 10 men sometimes when they’ve learned to pick up/seduce/woo the Normal Person* (women who bond through emotional dominance/submission rather than emotional equality like the Savants* do) women.
The 1’s perspective
The 1’s, on the opposite end of the ladder, don’t know why people reject love coming their way. They don’t understand it. There’s no reason why they’d reject love coming from anyone, love is love, right?
Category one people are visibly “undatable”, either intellectually challenged or such. Nothing anyone in their right mind would push onto others as a viable spousal material. Like not even the most clueless of people would go and say, look, Derek here is single. How about it? In fact, the category 1 people are protected from dating, because the only people outside cat 1 who would find them datable would be sexual predators.
Category 2, 3, and so forth, are then climbing toward “normal people”, and 6’s being perhaps mentally challenged, but high-functioning individuals who are still far from anyone’s recommendation as a partner, but not unmarriable from the same group.
The Climbers
The most clueless of people tend to be in the 7-9 category. They have dated and befriended people from category 10 so often that they think they belong into category 10. The cat 10 people are PAINFULLY aware of this. 7-9 people are social climbers. They tend to have real difficulty with self-assessment, and the category 10 people fear the same applies to them. 7-9 people do not worry about that, they’d laugh if you’d suggest it. They absolutely think they’re in the cat 10, no questions asked, but nobody in cat 10 takes it for granted. And a cat 10 must stay vigilant to their own flaws to stay there, because you CAN fall from the top, rather easily, even. But life is good at the top, and anyone in it wants to stay there.
This 7-9 group of people worries category 10 people. Because their perception of reality has been so obviously screwed by category 10 people being friendly to them, they often mistake friendliness to be friendship, and casual sex to be “a relationship”, that they’ve lost their ability to self-assess. The 10’s know there are people clearly in categories as low as 4 COMPLETELY clueless about the fact they’re not datable by a 10. (Some low category people make fun of themselves and the discomfort of the cat 10 people by hitting on them, but the closer to the cat 10 people get without actually belonging in it, the more they seem to INSIST they have EVERY RIGHT to presume things.) Therefore the 10’s start worrying about their OWN perception because they cannot see anyone above themselves. There seems to be a certain level of blindness when looking up, but everyone’s vision is crystal clear looking down, and that fact, being blatantly obvious to a cat 10 person, worries them.
Cat 10 men can have severe self-confidence issues regarding cat 10 women
Although category 10 women have self-confidence issues when it comes to category 10 men, the men have it ten times worse. Because (cat 7-9) women have been raised to “take” and to treat men as providers and protectors of little to no human value (we can argue about that later, and mind you, I am a cat 10 woman, realistically, albeit insecurely as we tend to be), the self-confidence of these men is being shut down. As the cat 7-9 women also use “black hat” strategies to get the category 10 men off the hands of the cat 10 women, the women suffer some insecurities, too.
As it seems that the cat 10 men always wind up marrying beneath them, the cat 10 women wind up either marrying down or unmarried, this lowers the self-esteem of both the men and women in this category. This also makes the cat 10 men think that the cat 10 women ONLY VALUE MONEY because being in category 10 doesn’t NECESSARILY mean that you are wealthy, not at all. A woman CANNOT be “a gold digger” and be in category 10. A gold digger is always an 8 at best, no matter how beautiful or smart she is. Still, an extraordinarily beautiful gold digger may be worth it to a cat 10 man with no other prospects in sight.
But men who have money, are a tad bit more self-confident because they know they can provide for a woman, and it is their self-confidence that puts them in an advantaged position in regards to another cat 10 man, NOT their money – at least not by default. That’s not how it seems to them, however. The rich men will easily interpret the interest gained through their increased self-confidence and lowering of fear of not being enough or not being able to provide, to be a direct interest in their money, so they assume the interest directed to them is actually about their money, aka. all women are gold diggers.
A wealthy cat 8-9 man can also easily find themselves married to a cat 10 woman, the same way as a cat 8-9 the Normal Person* woman will find themselves married to a cat 10 man. This fact is difficult for both men and women of category 10 to accept.
The category 10 people are also released from the bullying and neediness of the lower category people when they start to lose their looks. That’s when the coast starts to clear for their True Emotion Mirror reunion when the opportunist looks-focussed lovers start losing their interest.
By the way, the cat 10 people usually over-estimate how much their genetic looks matter in this equation. Although they matter, most cat 10 people value a healthy lifestyle and a great fashion sense over flawless genetic looks. Also, cat 10 people tend to prefer seemingly “accidental sexiness” over overly-done up looks that are popular in the lower categories of people who don’t mind hiding their flaws and see no issue with having flaws, to begin with. The trick with full 10 category often is to balance the natural with the effort, knowing the perfection is in the imperfection. The category 10 people do dress up and use makeup, but they always leave room for what LOOKS “accidental”, breaking the expectation.
1 are a always found in your own category. A category 10 woman’s True Emotion Mirror is also a category 10 person. Cat 8 persons True Emotion Mirror is also in category 8.
However, Lovers’ Choice Soulmates* can be from any category at all, but are more than likely somehow given up on the idea that another person would VOLUNTARILY stay with them, or don’t find this idea appealing otherwise. Therefore, they take comfort in the “promise first, love second” idea. Having said that, DO need to make a commitment to smooth out any feelings of anxiety, but it is not as desperately needed as people who go for that Lovers’ Choice Soulmates* -ideology.
The biggest advocates of commitment are the lower category women, who know they can pin down a category 10 male on his weak/depressed moment, but they also know the likelihood of him springing back to his feet to look for true love before death do them part is super high. Therefore, they want to INSIST on the commitment to ensure their category 10 man doesn’t take a hike in his midlife when his self-confidence and maturity trump his need to self-sacrifice in the altar of the female ego.
The entire concept of a midlife crisis is very much a category 10 thing. Sometimes it takes time for the category 10 men and women to get comfortable in their own superiority. There’s a high chance that they start rebelling and speaking out against the lower-level people and their expectations on them at some stage, or find another method of coping. It will also take them time to fully reject the idea of dating down under any circumstance. One popular form of relieving the pressure is blogging about it. If you have a blog, please send a link to it on my M8 blog category on my FuckingGrownups.com -directory, if the philosophy of the directory otherwise suits you.
Speaking of the M8-syndrome, or the M8R10 (Maybe an 8, real 10) people
The category 10 people tend to suffer from something I jokingly labeled Maybe an Eight -syndrome, which then stuck as a term. To be categorized as a full 10, you have to be humble, right? Realistic, or err to the side of caution. So, the people in the top category tend to self-assess themselves as “Hmm.. I think I’m a 10. I’m still, probably a 9, I mean… My left big toe curves a little, and sometimes, I have really bad hair days. And, come to think of it, sometimes I’m mean to others. So, maybe I’m an 8.”
Therefore, when they meet their True Emotion Mirror, who is also a 10, maybe an 8, they both wait for the other to make the move, because they feel that the superior should approach the inferior because they hate it when inferiors approach them with their hopes, dreams, needs, and presumptions. Therefore, as they both consider themselves a perhaps 8 in the face of an OBVIOUS 10, as it looks like to them, they’ll both avoid approaching “their superior” who they believe should be well aware of their high ranking status and thus, talk to them if they want them… But neither will. That would be the M8-syndrome of the M8R10 people.
are the highest-ranking soulmate category in the Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology, which is one of the major parts of the Free Spirit Theories, that I have developed. ↩
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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