Are your personal pronouns that important to you?

I’ve been asked: Should people respect other people’s non-birth-sex-typical pronouns or not? I’m going to say that “should” is a bs expectation. You “shouldn’t” steal, and while most people don’t, there are still those who do. The personal pronoun thing is going to be one of those things. There will probably not be anything you can hold people onto for that.

The thing is: either your pronouns are that important to you, that you’re going to renounce friendship with anyone who doesn’t respect your pronouns, that’s fair, but that also requires that you will allow people who don’t like the whole pronoun thing to decide “well, I guess I can’t talk to you, then.” You decide what the most important thing to you: that friendship, job, the people who insist personal pronouns are important, or your non-conforming personal pronouns. You will conform to either the pronoun crowd’s expectations or the expectations of people who don’t like the whole thing. There will be situations where you cannot have both. Choose. We’re doing the same. Sometimes, we conform, and sometimes we make that small issue into a deal breaker just to make things easier.

Preferred pronouns, too. PREFERRED. Not demanded/insisted upon pronouns. Reduce the heat, OK. Trust me, you’ll get more people to use your pronouns if you just reel down the angst a bit and say: “My preferred pronouns are such and such, but I won’t be offended for ‘misgendering.'”

You cannot be friends with everybody. Stop expecting yourself to reach an impossible situation. Just CHOOSE who you want to be friends with, for reals. Apply to every choice: Bow one way, moon in the other direction. Just choose who gets your bow and who gets your moon.

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