Both the Survivalist* and the Idealists* accept the existence of social hierarchy

Both the Survivalist* and the Idealists* accept a hierarchy of humans. We are ALL aware of “better” or “worse”, and, “beta”, and “alpha”. We are pack animals after all. However, the Idealists*, in their fear of hurting others will actually do just that, by trying to protect the Survivalist* from emotional hurt. Ironically, the Survivalist* try to do the same with the Idealists*. Sadly, very often neither REALLY wants a relationship with the other, but feel OBLIGATED to stick to one.

However, the Idealists* feel guilty for wanting to rise in the ranks and for wanting to date and socialize with “better people”. They acknowledge the hurt in others when they leave, but often, the hurt isn’t about them leaving but somewhat of a theatrical display on the Survivalist*’s part, to let you know that you will be missed and that you were appreciated when you were here. Kind of like when you rehome a dog, they will pine after their old owner for about a week or two, then snap out of it and forget you exist.

the Idealists* and the Survivalist* break up differently, causing an emotional trap

The Survivalist* are quite resilient despite their vocal and loud objections to breakups, but they are MORE THAN CAPABLE of using their past relationships with someone significant as a badge of honor, to make themselves MORE appealing to a lower-level suitor. It is like a social resume, so to speak. The Idealists*, in their turn, are quick to move on from a relationship, once they accept their partner has TRULY moved on and that this door is fully closed from them. They also try to close these doors from others when they are leaving, which, to the Survivalist* may seem “overly brave”, and they feel like they have to BLOCK DOORS because they are still hurting and unable to truly decide whether they want to move on or not.

the Idealists* also have a habit of staying friends with their ex-partners unlike the Survivalist*, who move on completely and barely act like they know their ex, once the breakup is complete. This creates confusion in the Survivalist*, who believes this tendency to remain friendly is a sign of the Idealists* not having moved on properly. The Survivalist* cold distancing, to a Idealists*, however, is a sign they haven’t fully moved on, and THIS IS WHEN the Idealists* concludes that they’re building walls simply to hold back their tears.

the Idealists* try to avoid causing emotional pain on others

the Idealists* differ in this area of life, they want to the other one to know that their departure won’t cause them too much pain, that they ARE, in fact, free to leave. The Idealists* are always afraid that they are HURTING another person, so they want others to know that they are NOT HURT if they are broken up with either as a friend or a lover. They expect a few kind words, maybe, well-wishes for the future, and the kind, but they won’t create an emotional outburst to show their appreciation to what once was. When the Survivalist* goes into an emotional outburst, it is often enough to change a Idealists* mind, which then has given the Survivalist* the impression that the Idealists* are only in need of a confirmation that they are, in fact, loved and wanted, when they don’t leave in the end, they “just say they will for attention”, as it looks to from the Survivalist*.

The outcome is that the Survivalist* hurt the Idealists* emotionally all the time, and vice versa. When the Survivalist* is trying to show they care, they wind up hurting the Idealists* and vice versa. There is more on that all throughout the website.

Both Black and the Idealists* will take it very easily if they are dumped for someone better than them

What hurts both Black and the Idealists* is when they get dumped for someone who they feel is inferior to themselves. They will, however, painlessly move aside for someone superior to them… However, when it becomes a battle of equals, things get a little more complicated. (Non-monogamy is a solution to this.)

the Survivalist* will further be offended if they won’t be accepted as a friend or a lover EVEN IN THE CASE when that person doesn’t have anyone else in their lives.

Monogamy is the root of all evil

This is the bottom line: Monogamy is the worst idea in history. LOYALTY, fidelity, monogamy, these things INTERRUPT the natural creation and dissolving of relationships and force unfavorable partnerships in place where they shouldn’t be.

Some relationships are temporary but are often made into permanent. Also, HIDING your alliances with other people in order to save that person’s feelings is actually not HELPING THEM to move on. It is GOOD FOR US to see WHY we are being broken up from. It allows us to PROCESS IT, and to gradually accept the new situation, where another person takes the place that used to belong to us.

the Survivalist* and the Idealists* deal with this dilemma differently

the Survivalist* consider marriages a certain type of social front and construct. The Idealists* regard marriage as the true love affair. Therefore, if the Survivalist* cheat, they show respect by keeping everybody in the dark about their extramarital affairs. An Idealist* will show respect to their spouse by ENDING THE MARRIAGE as soon as possible after they may have found themselves in another relationship.

To a Idealists*, being cheated on is the biggest insult. To the Survivalist* being divorced from despite there being no better man or woman in the picture is the biggest insult. An Idealist* will accept that you cannot control who you love, but once you find yourself feeling feelings toward someone outside the marriage, they wish you would end the marriage (or relationship) before pursuing one with the other. A Survivalist* will rather ask you to pursue the other relationship behind closed doors, examine it thoroughly to decide which one of your lovers you wish to stay with.

My NEW suggestion is this: Let’s no longer feel the need to hide things at all. Let’s not shame people for having their partner find someone else. We should agree that relationships ARE unpredictable, and nobody should feel ashamed for having their feelings change.

We should aim to not hide our feelings, even though we express our feelings differently. And, obviously, we should try and understand how different people express their true feelings.

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