Would a person who loves you lie to you?

Short answer: yes. All the time.

The fact that someone lies to you is almost automatically a sign of love of some kind rather than disrespect. If they disrespected you, why bother to lie to you?

People lie to you because:

1. They fear losing you if they tell you the truth. (Love)
2. Sometimes people believe it’s better for you if you don’t know the truth. (Love, protection.)
3. They want to play time as they fix something behind your back. (Possibly love, possibly fear of getting into trouble.)
4. They want to impress you and think truth isn’t enough for the job (you’re cool). (Admiration.)
5. They fear getting into trouble if they tell you the truth (not necessarily a sign of love, but it can be a part of the reason).
6. They want to deceive you to get something else from you (care, love, sex, money, status, attention). (Not necessarily a sign of love, but it can be a part of the reason.)
7. Tempt your ego on purpose. (Sign of dislike.)
8. To save your feelings (Sign of love.)

Should you be cool with being lied to?

There are situations where you can ignore being lied to, yes. You can forgive it, too. But then, there are times when there’s no point to forgive or to forget.

For instance, if you are in a relationship with a person whose entire personality is fake, you can take it one of two ways: Does it matter if they’re not what they say they are if the experience of it is interesting enough? Another narcissist could easily love to join the lie when the only point between partners is this: “Do you lie well enough for neither one of us to get caught and embarrassed for it?” Or, is it too easy to say you’re one thing when truthfully you’re not, so it completely decimates the point of being with someone?

Whether you are cool about being lied to is completely up to you, although many people have an attitude of “lie to others all you wish, but don’t lie to me.” I personally hold the principle of “lie as little as you possibly can, but if you must lie to others, don’t lie to yourself. Only fools lie to themselves.”

What are they gaining is a good question.

There are things that you might not notice people get out of lying. It may change your view on their reasons one way or another.

Care: “I have no family, friends, money, nobody cares about me. Woe is me. Pity me.” “I was raped/abused.”

Love: Various way to lie to get love, even if sometimes the logic fails the liar. Pretending to be someone or something you’re not doesn’t really get YOU love, but you think it does. Being loved for who you are is such a different experience to simply being approved of for your effort of pretence.

Sex: “No I don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend.” And various others.

Money: Various ways, most obvious reason to lie.

Status (admiration): “I am the CEO of Principle Financing,” “I am a mother of 3 children,” “Yes, I’m married,” “I own a yacht, but it’s currently in the Bahamas” and various others.

Attention: “I am a celebrity,” “I was raped,” and various others.

You don’t always notice all of the reasons why people lie. For instance, if you will lose interest in a person who keeps saying they’re an artist after you find out they don’t really produce art but go around telling everyone they’re an artist (suffering from a creative block of course), you may not see a point in lying about something like that. If you don’t know why “having the Thing” would be so important to your likeability or importance, you might not understand why someone would lie about it, either. This could be something like lying they’ve got 10 Bitcoins, you believe they’ve got 10 Bitcoins, because you don’t realize each one of them would be worth a kilo of gold.

There is one more lie to look out for: Tempting your ego.

There is one particular lie that I fear more than any other, personally. If people think you have an over-inflated ego, they may tell you lies that match your idea of self, but that others try to bring down a notch by telling you things that flatter your ego but have no connection with reality whatsoever.

This would be like telling some “loser kid” at school that the hunky guy is in love with her, tempting her to a location to be laughed at by the entire class. This could be a reaction to the victim’s apparent love of self, thinking too highly of themselves, and the others want to bring her down a notch and to remind her not everybody thinks as highly of her as she thinks they do.

If there is a fear in very intelligent and attractive people, this might be it: when you cannot see if you are delusional or actually “that hot” and people around you don’t bother telling you that you are “that hot” because they think it’s obvious, but you wonder which is it, your idea of self being inflated, or other’s belief that your superiority is too obvious to keep bringing up. This is why it is important to also validate the correct self-image of admired people, until they are downright worshipped when they really need to hear honest critique, in a kind tone. Everybody would do better with others verifying their idea of self and it’s validity, but people do “lie” to you about how they see you… A LOT.

Saving your feelings (ego) – white lies.

Lastly, people lie to you without any feelings of guilt about you being better, more attractive, smarter, and more successful than what they honestly think is true. The white lie.

While this type of lying is typically considered friendly or at the very least harmless, it is the method with which narcissists are created among the ungifted. It is a deliberate attempt to use smoke and mirrors on a person, to blind them from their failures.

While in one lifetime context this makes perfect sense: There is no point telling a person they suck if they can be spared from that knowledge, when the same lie is told to the same person for lifetimes and lifetimes on end, they’re going to be lulled into a false sense of success or NEED to succeed, and they will stall in their evolution. In the meanwhile, smarter, more successful and strong people get criticized for every small mistake they make, and that makes them try harder, work harder, and to keep running and winning. We’re currently asking white men to levitate to be even worthy of an ounce of love (figuratively speaking) and that means they probably will learn it (joking) before we let fat women know that body positivity just doesn’t help them being more attractive. (Exceptions apply I suppose.)

While it is a kindness to make someone feel better about themselves, it should never be done with falsehoods. There is also a point where TRUTHS are no longer usable. When your only truth is “but your eyes are beautiful” because it’s the only part of her body that isn’t fat yet, you must reconsider letting yourself off the hook of being the bearer of bad news once again. People lie to you about you also so that they get to be likeable. It’s less important to them if you eat yourself to death as long as they get to wear the halo of being a nice person… So there’s a good merit to remaining self-critical, even if it’s not healthy to be cruel to oneself. Just try to remain realistic.

Obviously white lies are not limited to the subject of your body weight, either.

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