“I am the good person because I love them. They are the villain because they no longer love” is bullshit.

If you ever need to know whose side to a story is more likely true, always compare who wants out and who wants the relationship to continue.

We have gotten the love-loved one virtue order wrong. Think of the people who you love the most. Do you think you deserve a pat on the back because you love them? No, you shouldn’t, at least. If a person loves someone, it’s largely because they haven’t done anything bad to that person, except maybe they left. Their former partner, friend, or family member may want them back, because WHILE THEY WERE THERE, they treated them kindly. The person who left probably can’t say the same in that situation. “Every day was torture with you. That’s why I don’t love you anymore.”

Love, like respect, must be earned. Unconditional love is for babies and toddlers, not for parents, not for adults.

Typically, the abuser also insists that what they did “was nothing” and the victim should just “forget about it”. Effectively, they’re saying they did nothing wrong, so they’ll continue behaving the same way as they once did, if they get that person back. What they might also do, is to “say sorry” expecting it to fix everything, while having 0 intention of changing how they treat their “loved one” on a daily basis.

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