What the Normal Person* and the Savants* find romantic.

Romance has two different modalities: non-sexual romance and sexual romance. We divide non-sexual romance into further two; idealist romance, which is the Savants* domain, and romance of caring for others, which is more the Normal Person*romance but nothing that the Savants* cannot appreciate – momentarily. Sexual romance is not really the Normal Person*tuff at all; they romanticize the lack of sex in a romantic relationship; rather, “he loves her so much he doesn’t even demand sex with her.” To a Savants*, such a statement sounds nonsensical, as their sexuality and romance go hand-in-hand.

the Savants* love beauty and beautiful scenes, perfection. They love beautiful bodies and people, and even though the Normal Person* sound like the people who’d fall for physical appearance, they do not. They are nearly completely indifferent to a person’s looks – and react only to what they find scary or untrustworthy as a negative “look.” Once they learn not to fear the people with “the look,” they will again love them without regard to their physical appearance. (They are also drawn to people they fear because they want to feel the rush of falling in love with a non-likable individual, and concerning their own fear of strange things.)

the Savants* find it romantic to seek for their true partner in life, sometimes for half their life before they find them. They’d prefer finding that person early on, but to trust their love fully, they need to not love a lot of people first. They need to know they are NOT in love with this person the same way that the Normal Person* find romantic: “We were neighbors when we were three, our mothers put us into the same playpen, and now we’re married.” the Savants* find it too convenient. Too easy. Suspicious. They find it very unlikely that you’d find the one right next door to you. They want to know their loved one is special to them – unlike anyone else in the world – while the Normal Person*try the opposite; to be as ordinary as possible so that nobody near them would have a reason to reject them romantically or as a friend. They want to be just as good of an option as the next person, and they assume that people wouldn’t like them if they were better than others unless they spent their days teaching others to be as good as themselves to make a difference between individuals minimal. The Savants* teach to help others be less needy and clingy, and obstructive to their own personal happiness… and as a service to humanity which is part of their romantic thinking.

the Savants* value words.

More than anything, the Savants* love to hear words of love (and sexual arousal). They like things verbalized because it makes things REAL for them. It is so easy to live in one’s own imagination of what the other person is thinking or feeling that they feel a rush when their lover says things out loud and makes their feelings and intuition true for them. They need to hear love confessions to believe their version of reality to be real.

the Normal Person* don’t need that – they assume that since we’re in the same playpen, we love alike.

the Savants* also love stories, anecdotes, intellectual conversations, jokes, comedy – anything to do with words, really; which form they love the most is individual. To them, romance comes in erotic stories, romantic stories, and verbalized fantasies…

the Normal Person* value food and time together with their loved ones.

the Normal Person* value food and time spend together with their loved ones. Although the Savants* do not scoff at these things with the ones they exchange words with, without words, these things mean nothing to them. Without intellectual connection, the Savants* cannot enjoy these things to their fullest, but the Normal Person* value simple time together. They even feel disturbed by too much conversation, and even though that makes you think the Normal Person* are introverts and the Savants* are extroverts, the reverse is true. The Normal Person* like to keep the conversation light and mean only one thing: “I love that you’re here, I love us being together, I love this time with you.”

the Normal Person* don’t care about your achievements or what you’ve been doing; they need your presence in the room, and that’s all. The Savants* try to excite others with their stories and intellectual pursuits, as they love those things.

Both types love a trip down memory lane.

If you’re thinking of a Christmas with family, here is a tip of gold for you: Both the Savants* and the Normal Person* love a trip down memory lane. (Anything to avoid the present moment, a cynic might point out.) If there is a problem brewing, a good host will quickly whip up a good story from the past that involves as many people present as possible and try to paint a vivid mental picture for those who weren’t – and to keep the Savants* happy; in words, not only in photographs – photographs can be brought in, but only in addition to words.

(A word of warning; should there be the Normal Person*present who has changed a lot, whose external image has been changed from one to another, don’t make too much of a spectacle about how nerdy and pathetic they used to be as a kid. They won’t appreciate it. The Savants* see it as a story of triumph, but the Normal Person* see it as a tarnish and shame. You can bring this up as “they’ve grown and matured so much,” but no charming stories of their embarrassing youth.)

the Savants*’ romance is complicated and intellectual.

the Savants* love a bit of complication, and they are very intellectual about their romance. The Normal Person* don’t really like this about them at all but can’t really change that fact any more than the Savants* can make the Normal Person* understand their needs fully. The Normal Person* often try to change to what the Savants* is seeking. Still, they don’t really find it any more romantic than the Savants* do, but they just want to make the Savants* seeking come to an end. They see the Savants* romance as some kind of a psychological disorder and are prepared to help them overcome it by changing themselves into the Savants* ideal person if need be. However, this doesn’t really work because it doesn’t fool the Savants* but they find it fake and inauthentic, but if they fall for it, they’ll always wonder what is wrong. They see it as an “all my boxes are ticked, but I don’t feel what I want to feel,” and they blame themselves for it.

the Savants* often explain very carefully what and who they are looking for, and the Normal Person* feel tempted to become that person to give the Savants* the medicine they need. However, they should not. It won’t make the Savants* happy – in fact, many of them feel trapped or tricked by such actions. They describe what they want carefully because they want to find the person who is already like that. It’s like a missing person’s report; they just don’t know who they lost, and dressing themselves according to their description is as cruel as posing yourself as the long lost child of parents who are looking for their missing child, and pretending to be that child, when that child is still out there, missing, waiting to be found.

the Normal Person* may honestly not understand what’s the difference, but please, at least intellectually, if you’re reading, just take it from me: To a Savants*, it’s a world of difference. They cannot replace one person with another that looks just the same because they are NOT the same person; they FEEL different no matter how outwardly similar they would be. That is their romance.

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