Forbidden Masculinity

“It’s a man’s world” is the biggest crock of bullshit I’ve ever heard. If you are running for president or working as a stockbroker or an investment banker, then hell yes, being a man is an advantage, but once you leave the office or hang up your working gloves, it’s very much pink pillows from thereon. This is not the first time I have written about this, but the more comments and emails I receive from men, the more I wonder how on Earth did women do this to you… It became a crime to be a masculine man who wouldn’t touch a healing crystal without laughing his ass off.

Granted, some men are naturally inclined towards mysticism or new age, but a majority of them are not. Even when a man is naturally spiritual (in the traditional sense), he must be free to remain strong in his masculinity and adulthood. Women tend to set up rules and then enforce them, but this practice should be reserved for children only (and even then in moderation).

Rules should only ever ensure that there will not be too much limitation on other people and their freedom, to ensure that this guy has the freedom to run his shop in peace and harmony, but nobody is forced to shop in his establishment if they don’t want to—that sort of thing. You don’t have to like what someone else is doing, but instead of telling them not to, vote with your feet and remove yourself from the situation. The same should apply to men. If you don’t like what they’re doing, get the hell out. If you love them too much to leave, let them be (they are not yours to raise). Anyhow. Back to the subject matter at hand.

I know that there are a lot of women who DO treat men with respect and love, but as a society, we need to get up on the soapbox to tell our fellow females that this is not cool anymore. By the time we find our soulmates, many of them are so battered and bruised by female domination that we don’t even recognize our loved ones! Stop other women traumatizing our men (your man).

And what is it that we are doing wrong as the collective female..?

We tell them women know more about (the right kind of) love and sexuality than men do. There is a constant flow of messages telling men HOW to love a woman. Buy her flowers, take her to dinners, dress nice, be good in bed, and so forth and so forth, and of course, the more women tell them what they like about a guy, the more confused they get because the message is hardly ever consistent. No wonder men feel emasculated trying to be everything to everyone.

The more they try to please women, the less successful they are at it because living in reaction to expectations is inherently unmasculine, and that is a complete turn-off for any woman. What women are doing is describing their ideal man in the hopes of men turning into him. They’re beating a frog into a prince, but that is not how the fairytale goes! Women tell each other over and over that if he doesn’t love you for who you are, then he doesn’t know what he’s missing. Why don’t we tell this to men, ever (unless you’re their mum)? (Guess why your soulmate is likely to choose someone other than you? Because a WOMAN told him that he’s better off a loyal husband and a father married to some nice girl his mother approves of. How masculine is that anyway?)

Incredibly, I believe we have standardized a good man image somewhat into some rom-com hero. (Disgusting bloke if you ask me.) It becomes a question of pride to have a boyfriend that everyone agrees is the right type, Mr. Anyone’s Type. This turns a man into a possession, an object controlled by women’s collective opinion on the right kind of a man… And we are saying THEY are objectifying us? Since when have you heard FROM A GUY that they expect us to be this, that, or the other? Thinking back, do you notice that it’s always(?) a woman telling another woman what men want us to be or a woman telling a man what he should want a woman to be? And isn’t it true that when we are displeased about a boyfriend or his behavior, another woman is going to tell you what he TRULY means by saying this, that, or the other? What he says outright couldn’t POSSIBLY be what he means. Newsflash: It is what he means. Men do not speak in code language.

Further, women treat men like they were from another planet. And vice versa, but, understandably, men would treat women like that because they are encrypted. Men are not. They say what they mean and mean what they say, at least those connected with their masculinity. The ones that are listening to what women want them to be are the ones that tell you what you want to hear instead of what they want to say, which creates an interesting phenomenon: Mistrust. So the more we try to say to men what they should be like, and the more they listen, the less likely it is that men around us ARE that! The fewer restrictions we put on men – and our SONS to be what the collective female desires, the better… (But do teach your son that a masculine dancing man never goes home alone. :D)

When we bring up our sons, we tell them it is quite easy to slow down, ease up, calm down, and not play with guns while encouraging playing with soft toys and dolls. Not that there’s anything wrong with a guy playing with dolls (Barbies have big boobs). Have we ever encouraged a girl to play with cars, Legos, guns, and run wildly in the yard? We’d hate to stereotype a girl because, you know, all girls want to have babies when they grow up, but what kind of a boy would naturally be drawn to guns? We all know the answer to that: An aggressive one! We are systematically encouraging female characteristics over masculine ones, assuming that female characteristics stem from nature, but male characteristics come from nurture… Because there’s something WRONG with men.

Men are aggressive, shallow, and dirty the way we feel about them.

This is not anything but sexism, but do men complain? Well, some do, but not nearly as loudly as a woman complains about someone checking out her boobs even though she’s had a boob job and wears a low cut shirt – she puts them on display and then screams to high heavens if someone dares to take notice. (Or is that the women who do not get checked out regularly, only to make themselves comfortable in the knowledge that their man is a gentleman?)

Pointing out that as a strictly heterosexual woman, I find it IMPOSSIBLE not to glance at boobs of any size, let alone ones put on display for the exact purpose. Leering is different, but a glance… You know you want to believe he is a pig if he does that because this keeps you safe. You will never need to commit to a man if you raise enough negative points about him. Your heart will be safe, and at the same time, you get to be the ‘wronged’ and ‘above it all. What if we gave men the same right to judge us as we judge them… Wooosa, not many women would be even datable, let alone marriable.

The male and female motivations to keep fit and healthy are also judged differently. It is a question of pride for some women to stay unfit because you know if he doesn’t love me for who I am… On the other hand, a man takes it as a question of pride to stay fit, because you know… No woman should settle for a sloppy guy like me. No man on the planet would take it as a question of pride to stay unfit, to test a woman’s love for them without being called a loser. Again, for a woman staying unfit is a protection method because as long as I’m fat, I’ll never have to accept criticism of my personality because he’s just a shallow prick. Then women put thin women down for being superficial and dumb, never mind the clause of staying loyal to fellow women – fit and trim woman is fair game for hating. Any man who dares to admire them openly is a sexist pig. The only kind of woman who deserves acceptance for being fit is a previously obese woman; the bigger she was, the better. Women who have stayed fit their whole lives are called “naturally thin,” Obviously, they eat the same amount of food and exercise the same amount as their fuller counterparts. This overture does not come from men but women. It is not fair on women to stigmatize beauty and health; not only is this hurtful to our relationships with men, but it is also terrible for our mental and physical health.

Then, let’s venture over to soulmate relationships and spirituality. It is the overpowering message that spirituality is a feminine trait and, as such, a desirable thing. Soulmates do not unite until there is a spiritual connection to it – the theory goes. Sex, you see, is dirty if it doesn’t come in the context of spirituality, and especially the lustful kind that goes together with the soulmate thing is to be scoffed at.

The funny thing is that only the separated couples are driven to spirituality as a result of soulmate Spirt relationships. Why? Because they need answers, this is the best place to come for them. Although it is a spiritual connection every time, the soulmates that meet, fall in love, and spend their entire lifetime together will count their blessings and live happily ever after without possibly ever hearing the term soulmate or True Emotion Mirror. The men in that segment are unlikely to have gone through spiritual healing before making that union work. Yet, when we get into trouble with our soulmates, the problem is the MASCULINE traits (and gender).

“Don’t kiss and tell” should apply to women the same way it applies to men, but it doesn’t. We, women, are known (feared) for practically making love with a measuring tape and the notepad (or Facebook) open to reveal all the gory details to our female friends later on. No wonder men are self-conscious in bed with us and performance-oriented.

This is probably the only thing I’ve ever heard men complain about out loud; how disrespectful it is to divulge information like that to your girlfriends. “Oh, don’t be silly, it’s not serious” would be the most likely answer, “It’s just girl talk!” What makes girls talking shit behind their lovers’ back harmless fun, but “boy talk” a stab in the back, the ultimate betrayal, and proof of dirtbaggedness is beyond me. Are his friends less in value? As long as it doesn’t end up on your Facebook wall, it’s OK, isn’t it?

A further irony is that any masculine trait in a woman is a positive trait (even burping loudly!), but it is a negative trait in a man. But then, any feminine trait in a man is ALSO a negative trait, so where the hell are they supposed to turn? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, so you might as well be whatever the hell you are, right? Luckily not all women play the game this way, but sadly men have largely accepted that this is what they have to expect in women… Isn’t it time for those women who do not think this way raise their bar a bit higher?

Subscribe to get a Daily Message