More on True Emotion Mirror runner/chaser dynamic

Inspired by a recent guest post on runners and a discussion it spurred on our forums, I thought I’d go on a bit.

Fear of loss

There are several reasons to set the runners to their escape. One of them, the most obvious one, is the intense love that they feel, and the knowledge that when there is love like that, there is a potential to be hurt badly… Fear of loss, that is. Even when we know that the True Emotion Mirror will always be there, there is one loss none of us can avoid: Death. To some, this fear of losing is so strong, that they are afraid to give themselves to the love at all, thinking that if they just stay away from it, it cannot be taken away from them. If they suffer a little at a time it won’t measure up to the absolute devastation that is the death of a True Emotion Mirror. They hang onto the hope that this love will disappear in time and it’ll all be forgotten, and by the time that the True Emotion Mirror actually dies, they can live with it in some sort of a nostalgic melancholy. Should they go into a relationship, every day they’ll love each other more, and every day the time they’ll need to separate once more will draw closer. Even the thought of a True Emotion Mirror being taken away from you feels like you were skinned alive or your hearts torn apart from joint flesh… “Better to have loved and lost than not loved at all” doesn’t always apply. With previous lives experiences there may be a very real example of what it means to lose your True Emotion Mirror – and worse yet – watch them die.

Fear of facing oneself

One fear is the fear of being seen by the other, and facing their own selves in a way that they’ve never experienced before. Even the most confident of us is forced to consider themselves in a light that asks: “am I enough” and “what if they notice I’m not enough” and “can I assume I am enough for someone that special?” The True Emotion Mirror is often described as the one who holds a mirror to your face, and this can be very intense experience. I admit I don’t have much experience of this feeling in a normal setting as my experiences so far have been in spirit, but if you go through half the feelings I went through with a spirit True Emotion Mirror… It’s not going to be easy. I will describe my own experience quickly. What happened was that I got “emotional feedback” of every emotion or thought I ever had, and my True Emotion Mirror repeated those thoughts to me. Basically, what I unconsciously thought about myself and any situation, I was forced to hear through his voice. Had I had slightly less of a self-esteem, I would have thought he was seriously embarrassed for me, but I did hear the love in his voice even when he described what a silly, unorganised goose I was in the kitchen, or making note how much I worried driving a car. I don’t like it when I’m being pointed out that I am not totally self-confident at all times, and boy did it become clear to me that I have a constant chatter going in my head pointing out exactly how stupid I would look if I did this or that. The only reason I am confident is because I keep telling myself what I’m going to do wrong before anyone else has the time to do that – a good thing and a bad thing, but also pointed out that my self-confidence was partly imaginary. This has been the best psychotherapy I could have ever received, and I know that once I get my hands on my True Emotion Mirrors’ sorry ass’…. XD (You just wait, Monkey Man, I’ve got a bone to pick. XD)

Drama avoidance (psychology imbalance)

There is one very important reason for a True Emotion Mirror to run: Excess drama. When the runner is the one who is psychologically sound and the chaser is psychologically broken (such as House, M.D. -series Dr. House, the chaser and Dr. Wilson the runner) the runner wants to get away from the chaser who they love but who they cannot watch suffer. They also cannot answer the needs that the chaser has, because the chaser expects the runner to make them whole and fix them for them – but the runner cannot. We always need to fix ourselves, and although the True Emotion Mirror will help in this, they cannot do the work for you. We often see the chaser to be the enlightened one who feels the True Emotion Mirror connection and is spiritually more advanced, but this need not to be the case – in fact, True Emotion Mirrors will run and chase regardless of their knowledge of the concept or spirituality in general. We also have to realise that both of them need to be at the same place psychologically, ready to share their issues rather than fix each other, and as long as this is not the case, one of them will run.

The reason why the runner runs even though they are psychologically sound, they know they cannot help their tormented True Emotion Mirror. They try, try and try again, but enough will eventually be enough. No matter how much they want to, the relationship is not going to be a happy one for as long as the chaser cannot calm down and see things for what they are. The chaser will feel like an Octopus with 8 tentacles wrapped around the Runner, who will be suffocating with the demands of the chaser. What makes it worse is the love that they feel but cannot express due to the drama and constant misunderstandings on the chasers part. The chaser usually has issues with self-confidence, and will easily read any attempt from the Runner to fix the situation as a personal insult or an out-and-out attack and react accordingly. Eventually the constant fighting will be enough for the Runner and he or she will set out to find calmer waters, usually forcing themselves into a relationship that will keep them from going back to their True Emotion Mirror – even going as far as marrying someone else.

Fear of having  your life turned upside down

When the True Emotion Mirror couple meet (again) at an older age when both are married with children, it is easy to understand why one or both would start running. This is no longer a question of two lives but several, and there is plenty of reasons to run like the house was on fire. This one doesn’t really require explanations, anyone who has been married – especially with children – know that taking off is not exactly easy, especially if the True Emotion Mirror is in a similar situation and reunion seems unlikely.

Spiritual imbalance

The spiritual imbalance would set the unaware out to the run. This is a problematic concept to accept because this cannot be the sole reason for the separation, unless the runner has serious issues with spirituality or religion and is a serious atheist. In this case, the runner would probably ignore all emotions that arise from this connection, and rationalise the whole relationship. However, even the biggest atheist will be capable of loving (as we all know) and they would probably need to take some time adjusting themselves to the option of a spiritual connection. Alone, this should not take a long time, but there should be some other reason to go with this one. If spiritual imbalance is the issue alone, this would require the chaser to sit and wait for a while and it should solve itself fairly easily. I am afraid that this explanation is again one that is mainly self-congratulatory and one that insults your True Emotion Mirror.

Runner/Chaser role switch

If one stops running and makes an attempt to get closer at the time when the both (all) are not ready, the other one will start running. The wisest thing would be to stop and wait while working on their own issues, but that is hard to do with the pull being there. The trick is to accept that this is going to happen whether I run or chase, and the only thing for me to do is to wait. Easier said than done for sure. One thing to remember is to not mystify things. It’s not about Karma. It’s psychological. You can’t get fixed by the other – you must fix yourself. You have to become fully you before your True Emotion Mirror can fully love you. You cannot get fixed by becoming someone you think you should be, but you need to find out who you are.

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