What do you mean by sexual oppression? It’s 2014

When you first think of sexual oppression, you’d think about the Victorian era or the 50’s and then go “aren’t we glad that’s over” but after giving it a lot of thought over the last 2 years, I’ve personally come to the conclusion that even though I’ve considered myself one of the most sexually “liberated” people I know, I still had SO MUCH GROUND to cover in terms of true sexual freedom. The thing with sexual oppression is this: We think of some aspect of sexuality, and we think we don’t want it. We have efficiently convinced ourselves that we do not want something, often because of the stigma attached to the act, and THAT is what sexual oppression is about. Bisexuality, polygamyORpolygynandry¹, golden showers and bum fucks, there’s a few popular examples of stuff that nobody really wants to admit to… Well, not too quickly… Or even sometimes it’s hard for a girl to admit you are not bisexual the slightest, and you’d rather do anything but seductively fondle another girl for a guy’s pleasure! Sexual liberation means that you allow yourself to think about different sexual games and go… “I see why you’d like it, but I don’t think I’d enjoy it as much as you do.” Not until you understand why some people like it but you don’t, you can say you have fully explored your options and you can consider yourself liberated (in that area). That takes sexual intelligence.

There are societal norms in place that dictate what you must and must not like sexually speaking. The rules are different to men and women, and you simply MUST follow. For example, a girl must be bisexual, but a man is not allowed to be. Monogamy is one of the biggest sexual norms we have to conform to, although the majority of us are naturally polygamousORpolygynandrous – men and women alike. The only question is, which kind of  mixture of partners you truly want. Also, I must state that when I say “polygamousORpolygynandrous” I do mean polygamyORpolygynandry², not polyamory, terms that are often confused even by the practisers themselves. (polygamyORpolygynandry³ is a permanent, committed relationship between multiple people regardless of the gender ratios, while polyamory is a practise of having multiple partners most of which could be considered a boyfriend or a girlfriend rather than a husband or a wife. I often define polyamory as “dating for the polygamousORpolygynandrous”, because you cannot expect anyone to enter a marriage like relationship on a whim any more than… no wait – that’s exactly how it SHOULD happen, but you gotta keep playing while looking, right?) The oppression here happens when we stigmatise poly-relationships to be about inability to make a commitment to one person like that was a disease! The inability to commit to one person only means that your natural instinct is to commit to multiple people, not that you “haven’t got the gene” at all, but at the same time you have to find the right people to make a commitment to – and that can be even harder for a polygamousORpolygynandrous person. We are not only sexually oppressed but our love life is oppressed by the same rules; you must make a commitment to one person by the time you turn 30, regardless whether you’ve met someone who you TRULY want to spend every moment of your day with. Society wants to force you into a commitment, but you do get to choose anyone you like (as long as they are not too slutty, make a good living, are willing to have babies, are of the right age bracket, are of the right height, not too good looking, not too ugly…)

Another major sexual oppression happens in the field of dominance and submission. Women are NOT ALLOWED TO want to be dominated by a man. They are not allowed to be turned on by rape fantasises because some women find that offensive. Women watch over other women and what they say to men and what kind of a message other women send to men, and if they spot a woman who is too liberated, too adventurous, too ready to please a man, she is shunned instantly from the other women. Men don’t do this naturally, they are TOLD to shun these women, and these women are told that they deserve to be shunned.

We all know how a relationship should progress from first meeting to marriage. When it is okay to have sex and when it is deemed “disrespectful”. Or rather, we are all kind of confused in the jungle of sexual rules and regulateons, men especially, who are always weary of going too far too soon or showing too much dominance in the fear of committing some level of a sexual assault. Women on turn are being sexually frustrated as the men are constantly on the back foot about their advances looking for her to give him the permission to proceed, in worst cases asking for permission for every new move he makes, frustrating the women to no end – the women who had nothing to do with screaming bloody murder if a guy happens to take a glance at her boobs.

There is another issue – while some women are deathly afraid of being “objectified” other women do not only mind it but find it sexually arousing to be leered at, but they are not allowed to say it, because “it would give the men the permission to do that to all of us” but who said the sexually scared women are in charge? If I want to show off my boobs, I want them to look, and I don’t like other women telling me what I can and cannot want! If you don’t like your boobs to be looked at by a random guy, wear something that doesn’t invite those looks. It is NOT an unreasonable piece of advice. If you want the puppies on display, expect to be looked at… By everyone. Your call, but you cannot dictate people to not look especially as other women like those looks and you have no right oppressing them. (Why do you REALLY display your breasts? Because you want the attention and then the permission to scream bloody murder when someone walks into the trap or because you really like that top? Why do you like the top? Because it is sexy, isn’t it? Who are you wearing it for? Yourself? If so, stay at home.)

Sexual oppression should probably be renamed something that describes a rule book of sex, the law, the square where a circle is forced into. I don’t know how to phrase it or name it. It is a violent process, killing natural instinct and as a result dampening the sexual pleasure. That is one thing but then we have another rule book for love and relationships, equally unnatural and forced. In order to make things work the way that “the law” dictates, we convince ourselves that this is all there is, everyone has it the same way, and that it is foolish, childish and overly romantic or hopeful to want anything more than what your parents did in the bedroom… Pardon for the image. After all the work I’ve done on my sexual emancipation, I still cannot think of my parents having sex. Ewww. (And I don’t want them thinking of me in the act, either. A double eww.)

Speaking of which, childhood sexuality, incest and paedophilia are clearly such huge taboos that our brain start to short circuit and black out at the mere thought of it. Added to that, sexual violence, abuse of any kind, ha – let’s throw in bestiality to boot and you know you are not quite as liberated as you’d think – nor do you probably want to be; I wasn’t entirely immune to the idea of being abused sexually when I started working on things, but now I see both sides of the coin, and I see why “abuse” shouldn’t be that stigmatised – especially because the victims suffer for the stigma the most. We go by the assumption that a child doesn’t want sex. It is an assumption. A DOGMATISED ASSUMPTION CREATED BY PSYCHOLOGICAL RESEARCHERS that isn’t true, certainly not true in case of all children across the board, and that has to be taken into account when dealing with paedophilia on an individual level.

This post is not going to clear out anyone’s taboos, stigmas or hangups, but it hopefully makes a point that sexual liberation is quite far from what society allows at this stage. Maybe I should point you to another article of mine about that paedophilia thing because I know you are holding back vomit.

1. Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩

2. Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩

3. Depending on context. Some time ago, I used the term polygamy to mean either the generic concept of polygamous marriage or a MM+FF+ -type marriage or poly-committed relationship. ↩

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