Overcoming the True Mirror fear phase

One of you readers told me the most inspiring thing. She and her True Mirror had been running and chasing for years, both still riddled with fears and insecurities, but they both mutually agreed that no matter how fearful they get, they would come back and try again. This is along the lines that I advice you all to do; even if you weren’t able to mutually agree on it, you can always decide that you will not succumb to fear and that you will put yourself on the line for your True Mirror instead of simply waiting for them to make the next move.

Easier said than done, though *glances at the phone wondering what to do with it*. The fear that we feel comes from uncertainty of what to do next, how far to go and how far we can go without sending the other one on a run again. Finding the balance between bravery and wise caution is one hell of a task. Sometimes the issue is as simple as waiting for the right time for a talk, although the right time might mean months or even years of waiting. Being tactful is important when there’s so much at stake, but when do we know we are talking ourselves out of the game without trying and when we are being smart about it.

Talking yourself out of the game

It is common for us to start coming up with all sorts of excuses for why we cannot do what we want to do about our Spirit Mirror situation. Usually they manifest in manufactured flaws in our beloved, “they’re too this, they’re too that, they’re this or that or not enough…” but this is you trying to convince yourself that a True Mirror is actually a Partial Mirror. In your heart you know which they are, but you want to give yourself an excuse for not going after them. (With a Partial Mirror you do the opposite, trying to give yourself an excuse to go after them.) You will focus on the smallest of things you don’t like about them and wish they were bigger.

Being smart about it

You know crashing their wedding romantic comedy style is not going to win you points in real life, so it’s probably best not to do that, even if it meant you have to go after someone who is married later on. However, telling them how you feel discreetly and respecting whatever they are going to do with that information before they get married to someone else would probably be a good idea if at all possible. I believe in love letters, they do give you that distance that you need when you are dealing with a True Mirror, although they don’t always resolve the situation due to their fears. Allowing them to sit and ponder what to reply can delay their response to over-time, so following up on the letter is quite important – especially if the scenario of a pending wedding is in the picture. Let them read it, then pay them a visit if you can, call them if you can’t. (Should I take my own advice?)

Nothing to lose

Unfortunately we often wait until we have nothing left to lose before we make a proper move. This is when we get so old that we figure if I don’t do this now I’ll end up in my grave without them, so you make a bold move only to hear they loved you all along. Even that wedding scenario isn’t always enough to put a sense of emergency into it – marriages fail all the time and you let things get this far so you might as well allow them to get married and… Oh well…

Don’t think about it

The best way to win yourself is to fool yourself into action. Simply don’t allow the thought that causes you fear enter your mind. I know you have done it. If you have ever waxed your own legs or pulled a band-aid off you know how to do it. 😉 Dial the number and don’t look back. Then, stutter your way into the conversation as long as you have it, and don’t hang up until you are sure you’ve heard each other properly. Ask for explanation to everything you don’t understand, such as “why do you keep looking at me like you’d never seen a pair of eyes before?”

It’s not going to be easy, but you’ll have to decide to not buckle down in fear. This is the best thing. Then, realize that some of your fear is a good warning and caution IS in order, but keep an eye on your own motivations and when it’s fear, consider your options carefully to make the best move possible, the worst is no moves at all – and if you don’t have much time, don’t think at all! Decide that this is not about your pride but it is about your true love and how to express it.

OK… Now I have to figure out what to do with my own fears, although the situation is, as always, complicated as hell….

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