polygamous True Mirrors – how to turn from monogamy to polygamy?

A topic request that happens to be of personal interest; How to add another True Mirror in a relationship of two – that originally was intended to stay monogamous?

The good news is that when you find a True Mirror of yours, every other True Mirror you’ve got is also their True or Precious Soulmate*. This also means that if you don’t try to force things, the group will clean itself on its own from any Partial Mirrors previously considered True, because they will simply feel like outsiders in their own relationship. Forcing things to be anything predetermined will be a risk to this relationship. Always remain flexible and open to change things, especially as it most likely will be the exact thing you all wish for or closer to it, even if you weren’t aware of whatever ‘it’ is to be what you wished for. (Be wary of suggestions that come from OUTSIDE your group, consider them, but follow-through only if they sound exciting or helpful. Don’t force yourself into something that an outsider considers to be the quickest way to a miracle – it’s your marriage that matters.)

The first step is to open up your present True Mirror to the thought of polygamy. This should be more a game than a serious talk, unless you know your partner responds better to a talk. A good way is to show them movies with poly themes in them, without much ado, really. Unfortunately there isn’t many that I know about, but then again, if you keep showing one a day, it may seem a liiitle too coercive anyway. 😉 A very good movie to start with is a 90’s movie called Threesome, in which the relationship developed just as you’d like it to; naturally, easily and without drama. (The only thing wrong with it was that they “grew up”  and left this “phase” behind them.) Introducing the idea to your current partner should probably come in the form of sexual play rather than “I think we need help running the house, let’s get another partner involved” type of suggestion! 😀 It would be much better presented as: “Would you like it if there was another man/woman with us, now?” as you have gotten them all hot under the collar. If you have someone specific in mind, tease them with that person… “Would you like it if A. was here..?” Any humorous approach works, too. “I think you need another wife to smack some sense into your thick scull! LOL” A couple of openly bisexual men should have an easy task at it: “I think we need a wife!” Don’t start with anything too heavy – unless you talk about heavy stuff all the time and enjoy envisioning different ways to live anyway – but start toying with the idea casually. Even if you have a crush on a celebrity; include them in your games: “Oh, will you look at them, isn’t he the most handsome man you’ve ever seen…? I think I like him more than you – I think I’ll have to hide him in the closet from you! ;)”

There is some thinking to be done when you turn from a monogamist into a polygamist. You’ll have to rethink how you arrange your sock drawers, your underwear and your bedroom. The more partners you have, the harder it’s going to be, especially 1+3 is a tricky combo, because you’re not yet big enough group to really want to divide into different bedrooms (if you want to do that at all) but you’ve got an odd number of potentially straight people sharing a bedroom. 😀 I had to think about this particular number myself for some time… Before we got bigger… and what we decided to do is to place one single bed across the head end of our King-size bed in which I’d sleep in the middle and two men on each side, leaving the one single on a touch distance of me but so that the dude’s didn’t need to spend all night worrying about ending up in a spoon with each other. 😀 (I don’t know why that was such a big issue at the time but it was. Now we don’t worry about such things anymore. 🙂 Now our vision image looks more like a renaissance painting, really. :p)

When you are designing your life together, remember that rules don’t really apply to you anymore. You’ll have to figure things out as you go and visualize different possibilities. Allow your mind to wander to things you don’t dare to dream about, and see how different scenarios feel like. Some feel instantly wrong or uncomfortable, some feel like a dream come true until you come to a screeching halt at a situation that would arise in that situation. Alter, contemplate, look for another way to live until you have found harmony within yourselves and in your group. Practically; how much personal space would you need, how much time do you want to spend apart/together, what is the ideal number of partners, would you rather there were an approximately equal number of both genders or would you rather you’d be mostly one or the other or are you adamant there should be only one Female or one Male in the marriage?

Children are another consideration, how did I put it again… Imagine it from the child’s perspective: A lot of kids today have many dads and many mums who live in different homes, but your child has many living with them. That’s all. That is ALL there is to it. You all live together. What a dream from a child’s perspective! Do you want to shield them from the sexual side of your relationship? How would you do it without it becoming like an iron fist or an elephant in the room? To stop them from wandering in on you at night, how do you childproof your door? (Enough of an issue for monogamists let alone polygamist.) If there’s several of you, would you perhaps have a night guard for the children, the adult that they can wake up if they need something? Perhaps one of you (taking turns) can sleep in a bedroom across the children while the rest of you sleep together in a locked bedroom. You just tell the children: “It’s your night watch. Like for Kings and Queens. Knock on that door for anything you need, or climb in their bed if you have nightmares.” Perhaps similar idea can be applied to child care in general, perhaps, if there’s several adults, each one can work most days of the week while each one takes one or two days off the week to watch the kids.

One very important notion that I must state. Even if your True Mirror and you both mutually agree that you are polygamous rather than monogamous, don’t start “filling a position” like a job, but wait for the Universe to bring your True Mirrors to you. They maybe on a dating site, I’m not saying that they won’t be, but compromise on nothing, do not act on guilt or fear, only all-consuming love and lust for the next part of your perfection. Each partner should be equal to the other, with none of you being able to emotionally choose over the other, because none of you could live without the other. If you try to add a Partial Mirror where a True Mirror should be, you risk the entire relationship – especially if your group is small. You have to acquire an identity within your marriage, what you stand for as a group, your values,  your drive, what you stand for, believe in, what turns you on… And you will have a lot better chance of identifying closely related Partial Mirrors for what they are and avoid adding them into the group when they shouldn’t be in it. Remember that a True Mirror can still choose to remove themselves from you IF they seem threatened by someone else. Do not attempt to add men or women into the marriage to appease your partners, just because of their gender; I say this from a personal experience; should there be one more woman in my marriage, I would rather leave all my husbands to her than share a man. I would rather split us up than share my men. You have to know your highest of values, your deal breakers, and what makes this exciting for you. What works for you as an individual will also work for your True Mirrors – or they are no such thing. No compromise.

Whoever left the topic request also mentioned that she’s worried about the idea of surrendering her current husband for the new one, but surrendering doesn’t mean that at all! Quite the opposite. True Mirrors never require you to give up on the FIRST THING, that is why I keep telling you there will be no compromise in the relationship. If one of you want to hold onto something dear to you that the other doesn’t want in their life, you are not True Mirrors. “Full surrender” means that you have stopped putting up a fight and trying to convince yourself that you don’t want what you want or that you are not the type of person who would do this or that “normally” but only by the True Mirror’s insistence. Full surrender means that you accept who you are and that you are always going to be in love with your True Mirror no matter what happens.

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