Why won’t he/she love me?

This desperate question arises sometimes.

Love is the feeling of excitement and delight of seeing someone be amazing. It is not the feeling of wanting to protect someone – although that comes with love. It is not a feeling of ownership, although often connected with the feeling of love. It is also not the feeling of being united through blood – that is narcissism. Love is the feeling of being so happy that a person like that exists that it fills us with joy and tenderness. It has nothing to do with anything else, sexual qualities included. “I am deliriously happy to observe the way you are.” That is the full meaning of “I love you.”

When emotions of “I wish you’d be a bit more like this or that, so I’d love you even more” are mixed into the joy of observation, this no longer is a matter of absolute or true love, but it has been mixed with your ego and feelings of ownership or union in a way that makes a non-perfect person partly responsible of who you are as a person. This emotion is often linked to Undecided Personality Mirrorsas well as parents feelings towards their offspring. It is possible for a person to change their point of view in this situation, where they find the lovable twist to the way that the person is… And this is something we can help people to see in ourselves should we love ourselves enough to bring out this lovable bent to our quirkiness. If we love ourselves authentically, it isn’t difficult for others, even the non-observant ones, to love your quirks because you do not beg or grovel to be loved – you don’t beg for advice on how to be better; someone else, anyone but you. If you love yourself the way you are, you don’t need approval. If you don’t, you need nothing but. If you can’t love yourself, why should anyone else? You haven’t finished your own end of the bargain yet. Your job is to decide who you want to be; who you’d be proud to be before you can expect someone to love you. If you haven’t made up your mind about the qualities that you want to nurture and protect, people around you cannot decide they love you because you are not solid. You morph. You are a shadow that can’t be trusted to remain the way that it is now. If you are ashamed of a quality of yours, it means it is subject to change, and that change may not be a positive one once you decide to change/polish that trait.

While you are still ambiguous about who you are, you are very unlovable, especially so to Ancient Souls. They demand a lot of a person, and no matter how much they might try, any ambiguousness about a person’s character remains to them a barrier too high to overcome and forgive. If you have decided who you are – you probably are not one to ask this question. You already have made up your mind, and it’s not up to a public vote to refine and alter your character traits – if you are not loved the way you are, then that’s too bad. A person who has decided who they are would feel insulted by the notion that they would or should change to please someone else, but a person who has still decisions to make might well try on suggestions and see how they fit. Just… It has to be your own decision whether you like it that way or not.

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