The Warnings About Rejection and Running Behaviors

In my blog, I talk A LOT about a breakup, breaking a bond with someone, and how, to quote myself: “You have to accept the theoretical possibility that your assumed True Emotion Mirror doesn’t want you.” I say this, but what it does in reverse is that it scares off True Emotion Mirrors from actually trusting the connection. In this following, I’ll try to orientate you to understand my dilemma as a blogger.

The Two Extremes: “I’ll never accept that you don’t want me (it makes no sense to me)” and “I would never want to be the one who forces you to be with me”

In this line of working, I am constantly in the crossfire between two types of thinking. One type of a person wants to find information on how to coerse/force someone into a relationship with them “because they have commitment phobia”, or because they think they, themselves are somehow not manipulating the situation the correct way.

The other type of a person is either too easily coerced into a relationship, and on the other hand, too quick to run from the ones they actually want, often the same person.

What’s there not to love vs. Am I fooling myself to think this person wants me?

The other type seems to think there’s no reason why someone wouldn’t want them, and the only reason why they’d get rejected is that their intended doesn’t realize they’re loved. Kind of like Scarlett O’Hara awakening to the idea: “He doesn’t KNOW that I love him!” (And then refusing to give it up, no matter how much Ashley says he’s not into her. (He didn’t, but in this story, Ashley really isn’t into her.)

The other type is afraid of being the first type, and they are TOO CAUTIOUS of trusting their feeling that this person IS in love with them. They have been in the receiving end of unrequitted love too often to trust their own feelings with a 100% certainty, and that’s a good thing. However, my warning will often make these people second-guess their instinct, and bring them from 85% certainty down to 40%. They take a warning intended to a complete knob-head instead themselves and get more insecure because I feel I have to constantly tell these morons that they cannot just ASSUME they can have whoever they want like that if that person is SCREAMING AT THEM to fucking vanish!

What makes it worse

To make matters worse still, the people who are already on edge about this person and their feelings,

So when are you going too far with chasing?

If you feel you’re making a fool out of yourself chasing someone, or pestering someone a bit too hard, there’s a probably a long way to go before you’re actually causing damage to the relationship. If you HAVE THAT FEELING that you might be pushing too hard, the likelihood is that you’re actually not pushing enough.

The reason why I say this is this: The people who I am warning to not chase like that are people who have NO CONCEPT of the kind of situation where A SINGLE PERSON would refuse love offered. This is not a scenario that they can wrap their minds around. These are often lonely people who are desperately trying to couple up, so they do not understand what it feels like to reject people, they only know what it feels like to chase people – and often succeeding in the chase. (Through guilting and shaming practices that I discussed in the previous post.)

The reason why I do have to repeat this warning from time to time is this: There are people who think you have to break through a person’s walls to make a connection. When one person tries to chase them away, they interpret it as an attempt to break through their walls and to find that intimate connection. That is why the victims of domestic violence keep going back, they simply think their intended is “going too far” with their attempt to get closer to them. In reality, he is probably trying to break up with her, but she’s too thick to notice.

You need to at least accept the theoretical possibility that someone doesn’t want your love

This is a general statement. This HAS TO be an “well of course”, a no-brainer to a person. A healthy person MUST UNDERSTAND that there are people who don’t love them. A healthy grown up must also be able to deal with being rejected.

This attitude is a cousin to the idea that rapists cannot understand a life scenario in which someone refuses sex offered. As they would never decline sex, they do not understand why a woman would decline it, either. Instead of a physical assault, however, women commit to an emotional assault and a ball- and chain practices, including trapping men into relationships by getting pregnant.  They may also simply ANNOUNCE they are the girlfriend of a guy of their choosing with or without the guy’s permission, then refusing to accept a breakup because “they don’t agree with it.”

I am talking about wide-spread pathological behavior in women. (I am not a psychiatrist, but I’d say that’s pathological as far as layman understanding goes.)

That’s all I’m talking about… Like I’m trying to make these women understand that love rape is not OK. Men already understand this, by and large, so the target of this warning are predominantly women.

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