Discovering your authentic sexuality; Away with sexual repression

OK. Nobody wants to admit to being sexually repressed nor sexually oppressed, especially if they are sexually adventurous by nature. That is why I will have to rephrase what sexual repression means, and  you will be quite a lot more willing to admit that you’ve got issues! 😀 Being sexually oppressed means that you have allowed others to dictate vanilla on you when in reality you are as kinky as they come. Being sexually repressed means that you, yourself try to keep your sexual desires in check out of respect for others or because you feel ashamed of yourself. Raise hand on 3 if you admit to being sexually repressed: One, two, three!!

I thought so. Only people who are strictly vanilla will say no to this. People who scream and shout in favour of “vanilla sex” and demand other people keep their perversions in check and hidden away are the sexual oppressors of our culture. We don’t like ’em, Steve, we don’t like ’em. (And only the people who don’t know what the term “vanilla sex” is, are likely to be into it themselves… In case you were wondering.) So I am doing a little polarizing here for the sake of this: If you feel riled up, you KNOW you need to free a part of yourself that needs freeing, and if you feel pointed a finger at, right now, well, that is only you being treated the way you treated the kinks, so there you go, hope you like it, if my theory is correct, you do, bitch.

So sexual repression starts with there being an expected form of sexuality everyone is expected to follow. Currently this is pretty much “the standardized sexual form” to follow, and you know this yourself:

1. The woman dictates her rules, regulations and expectations to the man. No exceptions. No means no.
2. A woman must adhere to a limited sexual menu in order to not appear like “a doormat” or to raise men’s expectations on what a sexually liberated woman should be willing to do in bed.
3. A man must always control his sexuality in order to not offend the woman and be careful not to disrespect her at any stage of their interaction.
4. A woman must feel insulted/offended by the following actions: objectification, sexual attention such as wolf-whistling and any uninvited sexual advances, which means that she will always have to initiate any sexual interaction regardless of her sexual alignments against this expectation.
5. The sex menu contains missionary position and variants, girl on top and variants, doggy style (that she can refuse), oral sex on both parties (subject to her declining, while he cannot decline oral, giving nor receiving), light to medium female domination is always to be accepted whether he enjoys it or not, 69 position is available but usually unused (because everyone hates it LOL), everything else is to be considered risque and entered into with caution such as: Sex in standing positions, dirty talk, light spanking, light dominating behavior from the male. Everything else is to be considered extreme kink and subject to a separate agreement that risks the reputation of both parties if found out by, for instance, a friend or an employer.
6. The male must always attempt to please the female, and she is not allowed to attempt to please him, and if she is, she is to be considered a doormat and anti-feminist regardless of her true sexual fetishes that would require her to do the opposite.

These are pretty much the rules under which our sexual behavior is to be carried out, and this is more or less international by my experience. A submissive female and a dominant male -pairs are under a constant requirement to repress their sexuality because what they are feeling is generally speaking considered “wrong” and “anti-female”.

Sexual repression means shame of one’s own sexuality

While sexual repression starts from someone’s shame of their own sexuality, sexual oppression begins with this person’s need to force others from “teasing them” by continually arousing this person sexually, like quite clearly shown in the linked image. Only a complete sexual deviant (and I mean that as kind of a compliment) could be so aroused by the sight of a woman’s angle, that fitting shoes on her would require a digression screen to protect her virtue. In reality, the screen is there for his benefit, to stop him from feeling awkward about the sight of her angle, but then again, why do we feel men should not be aroused by female body parts, even as innocent as the angle?

When certain sexual rules spread to become the norm, sexual repression takes a new form; normal people, with normal desires, will hide parts of their sexuality in order to not offend anyone, namely chaste women. Sexually adventurous women need to repress their own sexuality out of respect towards this one particular group of women – a group that is getting constantly smaller and smaller in size. Sexually adventurous men do the same, out of a belief that all women fit into this category or, at least, would like men to pretend that this is the group they belong into. Women who are less than chaste but wish to be respected by the same rules as honestly chaste women think that men, generally speaking, actually prefer this type of women, at least, they think, the good men would.

Let me just put this in very clear terms for you: Bad boys belong with bad girls. Nice guys belong with nice girls. Now, honestly, how many of you shrieked with the idea of being stuck with the nice variety of the opposite gender? Fucking each and every one of you! Don’t be nice, nobody likes nice people! (OK, exaggerating, there are people who are genuinely nice in every way, and there are people who genuinely want to be with  nice people, but if you don’t, stop being so freaking nice and polite to everyone or you wind up with one! Stop trying to please the kind of people that you don’t want to have in your life, right?)

Where to start figuring out if you are repressing your own sexuality?

First, think back if there is some things that you feel aroused by but that you instantly shut out of your consciousness because you don’t think you should go there? Stuff like lesbian fantasies, gay fantasies, thinking about your friends private body parts and his or her sexual behavior, the same with your parents or siblings or anyone else you know, rapes, pedophilia particularly as yourself as “the victim”, or you might be afraid that you are interested in children in the wrong way (suppressing these thoughts may hide the fact that you are not interested in raping children, just look into it and be relieved)… You might be turned on by the idea of whores; being one or using one, sleeping around or even by being cheated on… You might love the idea of being abused by your partner, whether you are a man or a woman, even in seemingly non-sexual ways like using you for money. And the list goes on. The more you start digging, the more fetishes and kinks you will discover, and let me tell you, the less perverted a person seems on the outside, the freakier they maybe on the inside; I have, for instance, nicknamed a New Age composer, whose name I don’t want to mention, as Lucifer, because when I looked into his soul, I found the most masterful of sodomizers; with such dark desires his music is completely void of anything dark – it’s like he’s completely focussed on the light spirituality so that his darkness won’t take over – his darkness that, to me, is his best part.

When you discover a fantasy, ask yourself why you like that idea. There is no chance that you will find something you cannot accept about yourself; after all, this is your fantasy. If, for some reason you will discover the real reason behind your desires to be something you don’t like about it, it will let go of you and you will be free from it, so whichever way it goes, studying it honestly is essential.

I must admit, though, that doing this while you are married may put your marriage at risk because you will realize that monogamous marriage goes directly against everything that you are.

On a positive side; once you discover what truly turns you on, the next step is to try and figure out how to incorporate that type of sexuality into your real life. That, in turn, forces you to evaluate other areas of your life, such as your job, and whether or not they are really compatible with who you are sexually speaking. This will reveal to you who you really are, because, for one thing, you will have to start thinking whether or not you are appealing to the kinds of people you want to be in a sexual relationship; for instance, if you like bad boys but are forcing yourself into a miss goody-two-shoe role that you don’t even like, it’s time to make a change. If you realize that you truly freaking deeply love breasts, and you have always obeyed the “do not look” rule, you may realize that hey; I might as well test the woman by giving her an eye-full, if she doesn’t mind, but, instead pushes her chest out for you to take a better look… Hey, that’s a match, right? Or, whatever reaction you’re looking for, of course… Like the sort of blushing embarrassed pleasure that she might be feeling, good too. If she gets offended, good riddance, right? Better to know at this stage. Never ever think that all men are into the same thing or that all women are into one thing and never the other. Whenever there is a fetish, there is someone to want to be the opposite in your games – find the game you want to play and then find the players when you know who you want.

Don’t be ashamed of being ashamed, by the way. As a personal example I realized that I wasn’t really even fully experiencing my own sexuality until I discovered the point where I started to be ashamed of myself, and THAT is where things started to feel really freaking good…

If nothing else comes out of this, write fiction for yourself, no matter how coarse, or paint the scenes out or what not, something. Express it somehow, even if you were the only one to ever see it. That is an order.

Also, do start paying attention to a phenomenon I call modeling and mirroring. This may give you a HUGE clue on who wants what you want…

Now. Go to work. (And no, it doesn’t matter if you wind up having to masturbate while you think about it. It’s a good sign.)

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