How to break up when she doesn’t want to

If you read my previous post, you will know what I am talking about, if not, please read it first to get the gist of it, and we’ll pick up from there.

If this video doesn’t solve your problem, move to the text below it. This is by far an easier approach, but might not work with everybody:

OK. So she is insisting that you are not breaking up despite you trying the above method, and you are at your wits end about how to break up with someone who wants to stay with you. It is incredibly difficult for men to really believe this sometimes: You don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, and in any civilized country a relationship can be broken by the wish of only one party, so you know you have the right to say you are not in a relationship anymore and that is the end of it. I know, to a lot of guys, this may feel weird, and it is because of our history; for so long men have been responsible for their spouses, no  matter how bad the relationship was, there was no way out of it. Women have always been free to go if they can financially support themselves or take the risk as they are “the weaker” gender, but a man is not socially permitted to do that… But we are in a different era now. The idea that a woman should be responsible for her own life is still a foreign feeling to us all, no  matter how much feminism has banged on about female liberation; it simply seems to go further into the other direction: Men are even more responsible for the well-being of a female, not less. But, legally, nobody cannot be forced into a relationship with someone they no longer want.

If your friends and family don’t take you seriously when you said you’ve broken up, remind them that if it was her who is saying that you are broken up, they wouldn’t blink to take her word for it, even if you sat there quite calmly saying “oh, she’s just being abusive, we’re still together.” Like what?! We’re still together? Says who? The reaction to her should be just as appalled. “You’re still together?! He just said that you’re broken up, that means you’re broken up! This is not a majority vote!” Also, it is hard to be taken seriously by anyone if you tell them you don’t know how to break up with this woman!

How to break up with a girlfriend who doesn’t want to break up – in practice

1. First, be sure you understand that nobody ever wants to break up. Life is unpleasant and grown up people know that they can’t own people. Make sure you understand this on an emotional level; you do not belong to her.
2. Talk to your friends and family about your situation ALONE without your girlfriend and tell them you are actually seriously wanting to break up with her but she’s not hearing it. Make sure they understand that you are the sane one here so they won’t side with her when she argues about it. Make sure they know you don’t know how to make her hear this, and how flabbergasted you are about the situation.
3. If you are financially responsible for her it takes some thinking to figure out how to break up with her in practical terms, where should she live, who will take care of her if she’s incapable of it herself. If you are already spending money on her, you might as well spend some a few months on in a situation that suits you, if necessary, but you decide how that’s going to go. Also, ONLY spend as much as she needs to survive and not anything more. If you are paying anything more than her food and living costs, cut her off it instantly. If she has your credit card, take it back.
4. Arrange for her to live somewhere else until she finds a place for herself: her parents, some friend, anywhere but your place; and if NOTHING ELSE works, sleep in separate bedrooms, lock yourself into a bathroom for the night if you have to, but make sure she understands you MEAN IT.
5. When you have found a place for her, pack her belongings if she refuses to do it herself and physically carry her into the car if you need to to drive her over. Warn her from making a fool out of herself once you get to your destination to save her dignity – might or might not work.
6. Act rationally around other people and let her be the insane one if you possibly can remain calm. Remember you are not doing anything wrong by breaking up with someone.
7. Cut all contact to her. Block her facebook account, block her email, block her calls. If she comes to your door, don’t open it. Resist the temptation to find out what she would say; this is your ego wanting to be stroked, it doesn’t matter what she has to say at this stage, and feeling like you want to hear it is normal, but let it go.
8. Start dating other women as fast as you can, but don’t hurry into a commitment for the sake of it – this is not THAT important. Work on who you are and what you want out of a relationship, not just what you give, and next time, ask your dates which way they think love works: You love people because they are amazing people or you love people because they’re there for you. If they say the latter, run like hell.

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