We have all been there. Sometimes we’ve even been the person who hurt someone else, badly and see the other person come back from that and act as if nothing had happened. This is mind-boggling sometimes, and I wanted to shred some light to it.

In case you are here for the first time, I will have to introduce to you a new concept, the Normal Person*, and the Savants*. The Normal Person* think as a group, the Savants* think individually, and that would be the gist of the differences of these two thinker types. A breakup and fighting in general is something that these two groups see very differently, it seems to a Savants*, that breaking up with the Normal Person* is impossible because they just won’t let go, and the Normal Person* thinks that keeping a Savants* in a relationship is impossible because they are always emotionally distant. And here is the thing: the Savants* cannot understand how the Normal Person* can get over fights and arguments so easily while a Savants* will toss and turn over them for weeks on end and will never really forget.

What  makes the Normal Person* act as if nothing had happened is very different to what the Savants* can’t forgive

the Savants* will never forget a betrayal of their trust that their friends will never deliberately hurt them, disrespect them, or sell them out. To the Normal Person*, these kind of things are a simple bonding game: “I stab you in the back, now what are you going to do about it, my love?” They test each other’s love by doing horrible things to each other expecting that the other will simply laugh it off as a gag well played. What is telling is that they will GO OVER the boundaries and hurt what is the most dear to their friend or lover… or they simply do not understand what is off limits and what is not. The Savants* don’t think this way. They take betrayal really seriously, and what, to the Normal Person* is “only a game”, to a Savants* is an absolute deal breaker. The Normal Person* might, too, flaunt something that they present as “being important” for the Savants*, expecting them to break it or hurt it somehow, just to invite them into a game with them. When a Savants* presents their comic book collection, it is like a challenge for the Normal Person* girl who is into these games to see if she can steal or destroy a book or two, and how he will react. If he doesn’t seem to mind, she’ll go for another one; obviously, she was right; they mean nothing… At least, not yet. An Savant*, however, never owns just stuff. Everything to them is emotionally valuable, therefore, the Normal Person* that attacks a Savants* possessions is going to do a lot of damage quick… Emotional damage.

But before you think the Savants* are sore losers, let’s think about it for a while. An Savant* doesn’t hang onto people. When he or she believes that they are no longer respected or loved by someone, they simply let go. The Normal Person*’s bonding games are the exact thing that will make a Savants* convinced that they are no longer needed. They leave them and still expect them to stay civil after the breakup. The Normal Person* cannot understand how someone can leave them so casually, so carelessly, with such a little pain involved.

An Savant* cannot understand how the Normal Person* could say or do something so cruel, and then expect it to just go away and for the Savants* to just forgive them, just like that. Forget it ever happened. But no. The Normal Person* expects the Savants* to up the anti and load their gun. When the Savants* leaves the Normal Person*, the Normal Person* remains there thinking: “Oh I wonder what their next move is going to be, how exciting! How are they planning to return the knife between my shoulder blades! What fierce love I feel!”

When a Savants* doesn’t act but goes on with their lives without even blinking, the Normal Person* gets gobsmacked. “HOW CAN HE JUST WALK AWAY?! WE haven’t finished torturing each other yet! Do I mean so little to him, that he would not even bother trying to get back at me?! After all we’ve been through, he’ll just walk away?!”

If a Savants* gets ticked off enough that he (or she) decides to go for something like revenge sex, it has nothing to do with a game anymore. He (or she) means business. This relationship will die. So he (or she) will not gradually up the ante like the Normal Person* would, he will go directly for the kill because he has no interest in playing games like this.

the Savants* can play games, too. Among each other.

the Savants* are not immune to the fun of pain and suffering, but they know exactly what they can play with each other and what not. They know what is off limits and never go there. This is like a BDSM game; they give all control to the other person, trusting them to take them right to the edge but never over, something that the Normal Person* are generally too afraid of doing, simply because they do not trust someone to respect their limits – they don’t. The Normal Person* could rather find out what is off limits and do exactly that. A part of the Savants* game is that you will show your friends that they can trust them; I know exactly where your limits are and I will never hurt you – not really. A Normal Person* wants to show their friends that “We are friends, we have no boundaries. We can piss on each other’s beds and feed shit to each other inside a sand witch and it will be oh so much fun!” They can fight like rapid dogs, but two hours later, it would be as if nothing had happened.

As I mentioned above, the Normal Person* do not shy away from destroying their friends’ material possessions, but to a Savants*, these are all out of limits, no matter how menial or inexpensive. For an example, the Normal Person* friend of mine, at the age of 20ish, once grabbed a bar of my favorite chocolate from me and broke it into pieces in front of me inside the wrapper begging me to share. To me, one of the pleasurable parts of chocolate is to carefully unwrap the paper, to not make a grease in it, then enjoy the beauty of the wrapping together with the chocolate… She didn’t touch the chocolate, but I was so hurt by this I haven’t been able to bring myself to open a package of chocolate the same way ever again. She lost my respect and trust that day. No matter what I would have thought up to revenge this, it wouldn’t have made it hurt less.

the Savants* will instantly pass a judgement on the Normal Person* who is breaking boundaries: “She or he doesn’t understand what is important to me. She/He doesn’t care about protecting me and my feelings. She/He is profoundly insensitive and disrespectful.” the Normal Person*, usually female, haven’t found out the importance of trust in a relationship yet. They are like children testing their parent’s patience; Fully trusting everything they do will be accepted with a smile and a hug: “Oh you rascal!” An Savant* thinks a little differently. “OK. If I let this person run rampant through my life, what is left of it will not be something I can replace by calling the insurance company that holds my crazy bitch of a girlfriend -policy.”

the Savants* are deeply emotional while the Normal Person* are… Well… Playful. Each group finds pleasure/pain/passion games quite exciting, but a Savants* plays an intellectual, thoughtful game while the Normal Person* will put each other through a ringer, put two crazy enough in the same relationship and they’ll burn down each other’s houses for a good, joined laugh. And each group will get offended in a different way; An Savant* for being disrespected, and the Normal Person* for being forgotten about. And they both act as if nothing had happened in the mind of the other, because, to them, what they themselves did was inconsequential.

Call me a bore, but I’ll stick with the Savants* myself.

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