True Emotion Mirror bonding – two methods, mixed signals

There are two main methods that people use to get close to each other. They are a result of a learned behavior from either this lifetime or the previous one, and they can cause problems over several lifetimes between True Emotion Mirrors . Previously I suspected these two methods were about two completely different thinking patterns (the Savants*/the Normal Person*) but they are more a learned behavior than the more instinctive thinking patterns: Bratting and respecting. The bratters irritate and annoy you deliberately in order to cause you to blow up, spill  your beans and get to the heart of the matter quicker. This is the sexier method, but also the riskier one, and this is coming from a habitual respect approacher: the method of which assumes that we should get closer by being honest, direct and grown up about things. The end result that each type wants maybe exactly the same, although the approach is exactly the same. Also, bratting can literally lead to murders so you’d better have your wits about you before you go ahead with that one with the wrong person.

Respect approach

Let’s talk about this method first because it is the less interesting one, but also one that is complicated method. The respect approach comes into the conversation with all cards laid out. Unfortunately, the Bratters are always looking for a hook, an angle or a catch, and therefore, when someone plays their cards all laid out, the Bratter doesn’t know how to react to it, and is quick to draw conclusions that make no sense to the Respect approacher.

What the Respect approacher is used to is that you have a conversation with someone, you go from strangers to best friends over night, you confess to all of your secrets straight up – based on your mutual instinct that “this is the one”. The expectation is that of beauty and romance, all of which happens as soon as the pair meets, (unless there is complications like marriages to other people) and the Respect approach relies heavily on mutual telepathy and instinctive knowledge of what the other one wants of you. They get confused when the other one reacts by Bratting  them, because they don’t understand why anyone would interrupt a perfect flow only to pick up a fight.

Bratting

Bratting is a  method of connecting designed to deliberately confuse, annoy and attack a person the Bratter wants to make a friend with or, to be fair, who they want to test the position in the pack against, and all school yard bullying in based on Bratting behavior; the kids are trying to figure out who in the group is a true leader, and often a Respect approacher is pinned for a natural leader, but when the bullies attack, the Respect approacher doesn’t react, because they would never attack someone they regard a friend or with whom they don’t want to NOT fight. The Respect approacher never picks a fight with someone who they love or respect, unlike the Bratter, who never gets close to anyone without picking a fight with them.

It is important to know that both approaches CAN BE TAUGHT, so if someone who has usually been a Bratter suddenly turns Respectful or vice versa, it may only be that they finally understood what the other one meant by their method of approach.

Bratting is a more effective method of appraoch because it cuts right into the sexual aspect of any relationship. (This applies to school yard bullying, too, more on that another time, maybe.) The Bratter wants to get to the bottom of the nature of the relationship quick, and here I have two warnings for people who love to Brat:

a) You have to know when to stop at the risk of your life.

b) You have to know when not to stop when the one you love turns out to be a Respect approacher.

It is important to know when you are picking on someone who truly doesn’t want a friendship with you, because if you keep bratting at someone who doesn’t want anything from you apart from wishing you gone, going too far with them may RELATIVELY EASILY make them turn brutally violent toward you. Because a Bratter doesn’t take the Respect approacher and his or her words seriously, the Respect appproacher, who wants nothing but the Bratting to end, can’t find another way out but to essentially kill you or to hurt you as bad as needed for you to get the message. This is a situation leading quickly to domestic violence situations. I, as a respect thinker and a relationship expert still don’t know what it is that I’m supposed to do to a Bratter who I want to go away but can’t get the hint, but I have tested Bratting at someone who I know doesn’t love me and I know instantly when to stop when I’ve crossed the line.

The only advice I have gotten from a Bratter on how to stop them from annoying you and thinking you love them because you get irritated by them is “just ignore it” if you don’t want it. We all know it doesn’t work when you are actually still irritated but you can’t even react to it. They still know you are irritated, but at the same time, if you keep poking someone between their eyes long enough, no matter how much they don’t want you around, they are going to react to the poking, aren’t they? So getting a reaction out of someone by deliberately irritating them is no real sign that they love you, it is just a sign they got irritated by you. Sometimes people hate you before you’ve opened your mouth and their hate is not the flip side to their love for you.

Now, the opposite danger is that the Bratter gives up too easy before the Respect approacher has had time to catch on. It takes them time to figure out what it is that you want, and if you back off too soon, they don’t even know what you meant by your Bratting behavior. (As a Respect approacher I figured out my Bratter True Emotion Mirror and his antics after… 15 years or so, but he backed of real quick.) The fact is that a lot of people get approached by a lot of people all the time, and they know that they, themselves reject a lot of people, multiple during one night out, so if they respectfully approach someone, they are not surprised by a rejection. They take it to heart and respectfully back off. If the Bratter allows their True Emotion Mirror to back off, she or he may never realize the Bratter wasn’t in the intention of rejecting them but was, in fact, just warming up for a flirt.

Flirt, to a Respect approacher means a lot of word play, joking around, telling stories, touches, eye contact, and light teasing at a certain point of the process, but a Bratter cuts to the chase real quickly and goes from a hello to a rejection without batting an eyelid in the hopes of irritating their often very attractive counterpart that they believe would get an ego-reaction to being rejected, and therefore counter attack. If that doesn’t happen, the dynamic dissolves and the flirting stops.

Ego comes to play twice over in this. If the Bratter relies on insulting an ego but the otherone accepts the rejection as a natural part of life, the situation dissolves fruitless. Also, if the Respect approacher has a sore ego, being insulted by their True Emotion Mirror may send them to a permanent fit of rage, rather than create a positive reaction. If the Bratter has ego issues, they may not be brave enough to continue their attack once being rejected for a play, and, on the other hand, they may not be able to take a rejection and therefore keep attacking to the point where it is no longer safe to do so.

The golden middle

It is more than possible to get used to the idea of being flirted with by using either method, and to use either in your approaches, when necessary. The Respect method is far less prone to errors, but it can also leave some people permanently cold. Remember that the Respect method CAN lead to a bit of Bratting, but only after the feeling of love and trust has been established, and doubt has been removed from their minds. Respect approachers know a friend through continual playful bratting, but they do need to know that this is a friend in question.

Family relationships fall apart through these

It is also important to know that within families, there are Respect approachers and Bratters, even if you’d think that as a learned behavior those two would quickly start mixing. That is not the case, however, as the behavior is learned only through successful results through lifetimes of experimentation. Respect approachers have only ever made successful connections through respectful methods, and vice versa, but that only means that they’ve gotten used to making friends one way, not that they couldn’t appreciate or learn the opposite method.

Within a family, tensions rise when there are opposing bonding methods at play. The Bratters easily regard the Respectful “high and mighty” and “above it all” taking an insult in the fact they do not want to fight their loved ones, while the Respectful feel continually disrespected, disvalidated, and attacked by their Bratter family members.

There is also a point where the discord has lasted so long that there is no return from it… Or at least there is no easy return. 🙁

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