Rejection can be painful when it comes from someone who you thought would love you. While sometimes this is a real intent, too, there are plenty of situations where people simply misinterpret insecurity and fear for a rejection. This post is hopefully reassuring for those who are truly in love, and who are truly loved back.

People madly in love with each other get their wires crossed easily. I write a lot about breaking up, and when breaking up is the only sensible thing to do, but I’d like to balance this out because I am truly a romantic at heart. I want nothing more than to people to find that amazing love story, and the reason why I scream BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP so much is because people get so easily stuck in the wrong relationships, or even worse yet, LOCK another person into a relationship they do not want because they cannot accept the fact the other one is not happy.

Mismatch of communication between true lovers

Attractive people are often used to be approached by the opposite gender. No matter how much they are in love, and particularly when they are truly in love, they may feel unable to approach another person themselves. When they get close to someone, so close that they can FEEL the relationship is just an inch away from starting, when all their senses tell them that this is their soulmate, but as they both are waiting for the other one to make a move… They may interpret this hesitation, this disbelief that this is the real thing as a rejection. The connection can also be so intense, that they fear such a powerful reaction from the union, that they do not want to risk breaking down right in front of everybody. Also, a lot of men expect her to announce to him when the relationship has started, and when she doesn’t do that – being used to the male way of doing it; simply nodding in agreement when someone calls them a couple to their face after they’ve been dating for 2 weeks… Often true lovers simply need to go from not being a couple to essentially being a married couple, there is very little in-between and that can be so utterly confusing to them that they do not dare to take that final step that would make them a whole. They also feel silly about having such an expectation towards a person they have barely spoken to, and they are trying hard to find signs in the other person to see whether or not they feel the same way… A slightest of signs that they might not feel the same way is usually enough to send the other on the run; “Oh aren’t I just the biggest fool on this Earth thinking someone like him/her might love me!”

Sometimes, people get on a run simply because they don’t understand why the other one is acting so weird. They feel the relationship is an obvious one, at the “just kiss me already!” state, while the other is putting on breaks and acting all coy or weird, or, worse yet, completely aggressive and argumentative, and that makes no sense to them. The aggression MAYBE an attempt to ignite the other into a fight that would finally bring the true feelings out in the hopes of ending the fight with a passionate kiss, but… If the other one has a mindset of a Buddhist monk, it may be impossible to get them to even fake an argument. (If you’re the monk, just ask them if they are trying to pick a fight in order to clear some air and get over some misunderstandings… Or just try how it feels to follow an instinct to slap him. 😉 )

Some people are suckers for rejection, some try that angle

There are people who simply HATE being told “no” to. People tend to think that sexy people, in particular, have a thing for a no, because they wouldn’t hear that too much. In reality, they might be too baffled about a no to know what the hell to do with it but to take it as it is. Also, because they say no to people all the time – meaning it too – why would they then assume that a “no” said to them couldn’t possibly mean it?

So… If this guy or girl is being all hot at one time and cold the other, (hot as opposed to being friendly) just try to see if the rejection might be a fake one if that goes against your natural instinct. This is one of the few situations where I ask you to go against your instinct and see if you actually were rejected or not… What this means is to dig up the REAL instinct… I had this thing going with this polished version of freaking Johnny Depp, Depp in a well fitted Armani, right, a guy who you do not exactly snap your fingers at if you know what I mean… And from day one I felt an incredible connection to him like I had known him forever… Now, we just got our wires crossed so bad I won’t go into the detail, but if I made a direct move at him, he would reject me point blank and call me delusional and what not, and took the “I don’t know what shit you’re on but hell no…” approach, and I took him seriously. He wasn’t exactly flirty either when he did this, as if it caused him severe pain to say this to me – which, obviously I took as a sign he was dead serious, when, I think he might have followed some kind of… bad advice or his usual approach that would make other women go crazy over him when he said this to them and meant it… But, in my case, I just got more baffled than I was before and left him alone followed by a two-month awkward radio silence to him. I really didn’t know what the hell it was doing, but my deeper instinct told me to just bash him around a bit and force an answer out of him, but I don’t really argue with people, I don’t like arguing, I am argumentative, yes, but I back off whenever that person means something to me, so I didn’t exactly want to go through that road, either.

However, just to point out how “playing games” can come and bite you in the ass, and playing things too safe with the person you really want can do the same thing. The thing is, if they are into you the way that you FEEL they must be, they will not be too baffled about how you play it, as long as you don’t back off if your game doesn’t work. All the Johnny Depp’s in the world may not know how to play games too well because they never had to – they never needed to figure out how to bag a girl… All they needed was to walk right up to her… The same would have and could have worked with this guy of mine, too, but there was so many things that went against us from day one, that it adds it’s own layer to things, but the point being… If you don’t know what is going on with this person that your instincts are screaming belonging with, just be brave about it and figure it out.

Signs they are into you

I will list a few because I know that when you are with a person who you TRULY FREAKING LOVE, it’s really difficult to trust that they feel the same way.

• They are constantly looking at you… Now… Dumb ass… This is an invitation to go talk to them, they think you don’t know but because you’re so aware of them at all times, you do, they just don’t want to miss the moment you look up to them and notice they want a chat. (Yep, cue missed on my part. I’m usually the one giving guys the green light not the other way around so I didn’t realize. Only took me 15 years to tweak to it…)
• They would sit with you for hours when they don’t have to. (Even silently.)
• They may behave erratically, and make no sense at times. Hot/cold. But they do get hot at times. What can be interpreted as just being friendly at someone you might have previously insulted just to say “no hard feelings” should not be interpreted as a come-on. Also, friendliness is done in passing, he or she won’t hang around for too long, and seems to  forget you’re there once the situation is over.
• Everyone else around you seems to think you’re together already or be amazed that you’re not.
• They won’t leave a party while you’re still there unless they have a clear reason to. They make an effort to see you whenever they can, even if it’s a party you’re both invited to.
• They tend to casually follow you around at a party or at a club or they, alternatively, seek the opposite corner during those times when they feel they HAVE TO get over you. 😀 Might be a good call to casually wander over…
• Even if they are with someone else, they tend to never lose their sight of you.
• They seem baffled when they talk to you, the main letter in their expression when they look into your eyes is a question mark.
• Conversation with them flows easily when it happens, but it seems TERRIBLY difficult to get to that place where you feel you can talk, even. If they are not talking, they are calm and focused on you, rather than looking around for opportunities to escape your company. If they are silent, they may be waiting for you to actually say something important; to cut the crap so to speak. If in doubt, think if YOU can think of a polite excuse for them to leave your company, like going to the toilet? If you can’t, then probably they can’t either. (Someone who is not into you is really awkward and evasive when you are talking. They don’t seem to want to talk to you, they might even appear shy while not wanting to talk to you.) Avoiding conversation, for instance, pretending to be in a hurry or pretending to not notice you’re there can, unfortunately, be a sign of either disinterest or simple insecurity or indecisiveness on what to think of you. (Might be a good thing.)
• They have sent you a love letter. 😀 They write blogs about you… Their Facebook page seems to be implying something. 😀 Clear signs that they have given up pretending there’s a face to save.
• At an office, they seem to have a lot of difficulty moving past your desk at the same speed as other people’s. (Is it there that they remember to check a phone message, just then?)
• If you had sex, it might have been awful. Cringe-worthy awkward because both of you wanted to make it so special… And it just wasn’t – too much pressure.
• All of the sudden, they marry someone else. Happens a lot; they simply bite the bullet and force themselves into accepting that the one they want doesn’t want them back, and they figure it’s time to simply “grow up”.

What people in love do that may seem like a rejection

• Girls can talk A LOT in the presence of a guy they love. “Being bubbly” is attractive and they are trying to be as bubbly as they possibly can be to make you like them. A guy might find this wall of talk impenetrable and leave the situation not knowing what else to do. (Girls, being bubbly is not enough, you also have to leave him space to respond to your bubbliness; it’s called flirting.)
• Girls can also talk right into a guy’s face about a lot of nonsense in the hopes that he will shut them up with a kiss, but that may be interested as a way to avoid a real conversation with you.
• Being entirely too much in love a person can miss obvious cues to come close simply out of their belief you couldn’t possibly mean that as a come on being so hot as you are (or after all those crossed signals).
• They may start flaunting another guy or girl in your face for the jealousy act thing… Some people will miss this and think they’ve moved on. (If all goes as bad as it can, they may wind up marrying their jealousy bait just because well, heck. Easier that way.)
• They may start another relationship just to be realistic and sensible.
• Radio silence after amazing sex or an awesome date… Maybe nothing more than not knowing how to bring it up again to do it again. You’re not saying anything, they figure something is off, then they stay silent for longer… Cycle. On the other hand, it may also mean “great but not quite there, but if I call, I will get sucked into this too deep and… I’m not sure if I want to be sucked in that deep (my heart belongs to another)”.

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